Talking about myself is not something I am particularly good at. If you ask me to talk about my children, my husband, my husbands artwork, current affairs then grab a cup of tea and pull up a pew but about me ... well I struggle.

Over the past few years I have started to feel like I have been slowly losing myself. Last month I had to visit an osteopath and fill in a personal questionnaire but one question stumped me. I couldn't answer it. I spent ten minutes struggling to think of the answer but in the end I simply stated "going for walks and reading" - the question "What are your hobbies?". I turned 30 last year, I have 30 years of life experience behind me and I did not have a proper answer to fill in, I did not have one hobby! The answer I provided was so that I did not leave a blank space. Yes I enjoy going for walks but it's not really a hobby - I do it when I want to tire the children out or perhaps want to clear the cob webs from my mind, and reading, well if I find a book I am interested in and I get the time to read it then yes I will read it but not like ten years ago when I would have rooted out books to fill my spare time with.

Every year (yes a New Years cliche) I always say this year will be the year when I... start yoga, continue writing the books I have started, go out with my friends at least once a month, join a book club, learn to play the flute, get a new job, learn to bake, start to jog, put myself out there, perhaps join an evening class, and re-new my passion for photography. I suppose the list seems pretty simple - but I just keep putting everything off. Over the past year I have started to realise why I put these things off - my confidence wasn't quite there to do many of these things. The above list contains many "to dos" that would involve me putting myself out there - doing things that could be open to judgement, and so I don't do them. I want to but always put them off - good intentions don't get results without actions. So #2018 is my year of #actions - and this Steemit account is my first step at one of my 'good intentions' but this time with some action - #blogging!

So here it goes...

Hello fellow Steemit-er,

My name is Dearbhla (and although I am used to all kinds of random mis-pronunciations for those of you who want to know, it is pronounced Dervla). I am 30 years old, I love all things #Disney and #HarryPotter, and proud of it! Over the past 11 years I have gained an amazing husband, had three beautiful children, studied for 6 years to gain three degrees, gained some great friends and somewhere along the way I lost me.

My #blog, as the title of this introduction states, is and will be about me, myself and my whole family! It will detail the trials and tribulations of #motherhood, #parenthood, trying to live rather than just survive, finding new and like minded people, putting my #honest thoughts out to people I don't know and facing the consequences of exposing my #true #self.

I will be #truthful! Life is not always rosey and the one reason I stopped using my Facebook account as a social media platform was due to the rose tinted glasses so many people represent their life through - I found that this platform started to impact my mental health as I started to question myself and #selfworth. Every time I opened my news feed I was thrown into a world of happy families, perfect lives, happy children, perfect family days out, fun holidays and so on... My thoughts and feelings didn't arise from jealousy, I love seeing people succeed, no it wasn't the green eyed monster rearing its ugly head but rather the same question always followed my initial thoughts - why am I failing? Why can't I provide for my children? Why do I continue to receive the 'not on this occasion' letter from every job interview? Why do my family days out usually end in tears, tantrums and fall outs - jeez sometimes I can't even nip in for a pint of milk without one of the children throwing themselves to the floor and having a meltdown about the simplest of things! Family days out with an 11, 6 and 1 year old usually leave my husband and I exhausted rather than posting hundreds of happy photos - if I manage to get one nice photo in between the fighting and screaming then high five I have succeeded on capturing a memory! Don't get me wrong, I love every day out and I will continue to pack them all into the car and head out for the day - but Facebook had me questioning what I was doing wrong as a parent because my #family days out weren't like those on my newsfeed.

Through steemit I hope to post honest blogs as well as read and learn from others' blogs and posts. I hope to post words that make other people say 'Oh I am not on my own when I feel that' or 'Yes I have been there, done that and bought a wardrobe full of those t-shirts'. Since coming away from posting on Facebook, I have reminded myself that I am doing okay! I am providing for my family - my children may not have the best of the best clothes and yes we do shop in charity shops but we are happy. We may not go on yearly holidays but the two holidays that we have been on have been magical and created amazing family memories. I will get that job someday that will lead to my destined career ... maybe opening the cafe my husband and I constantly dream/talk about will be just round the corner...

I suppose for my introduction I will keep it short (to an extent) and sweet - thank you for taking the time to read this post, let me know what you think and stay tuned for my next blog and see if I manage to act on a few of my good intentions (fingers and toes crossed).