(Disclaimer: Only my opinion. I promise this is not malicious.)

I love you, earthling.

I deal with depression and anxiety associated w/ PTSD and mTBI. I have a lot of trauma that I have felt with in my life. I have been sexually assaulted as a child, a wounded combat veteran, and victim of a horrible judicial system that favors certain parties over others in matters of children and rights.
That being said, I am not trying to pity party myself; I am giving you some background on me. You have two options and I read the whole thing out of respect for your time and effort. You said your one biggest problem is that you do not have the courage to change. I will challenge you to do a post about a time you did have courage in the face of a problem.You posting about this takes courage. Keep going! After a while that will be old hat and then, and this is the most important thing I have to say is that if you do not put your ego aside (saying from experience) and take the steps to get help you could lose the battle or you could grow to be a very grumpy old person with no friends. I do not want that for you. Please take the steps to get help. I found that there is so much pride in strength being a person who asked and was able to accept help. (It took me many years) The pride that comes with that step is the top part of the wave that crashes, you know. After that you keep riding the wave and you made it to your destination.
I have been effected by suicide in may ways and in the last two months I have lost two cousins and I honestly believe my uncle is next.
We have to help each other or we will all lose at this game. Please help the world by continuing to make a contribution to it.

You got this!

Earthling, out.