Worst Introduction Ever

How to begin…hello and I don’t want to introduce myself. I'll be blunt. Why not?
I don’t like introductions. Never have. And I've been procrastinating ever since October, I think, which is when my account was created. Introduce yourself, or so the recommendation goes, but awkward, forced introductions, to me, are a peculiar social ritual. Not to mention, I don’t even like myself, certainly not enough to discuss, unless I’m being self-derogatory, in which case, I can truly go on and on, joking at my own expense. Of course, this refusal to participate in an introduction can be regarded as antagonistic, because you see, now I look like a prick—I realize that. Though please be advised, it is not my intention to antagonize, and I don’t want to be disrespectful, I’m just being honest.
Still, I imagine the reader remarking, “Oh, sure, everyone introduces themselves as a courtesy, but not you, oh no! you don’t feel you have to, well aren’t you just so fucking special!”
There’s no way to win for me, I suspect I’ll be considered a prick no matter my protestations to the contrary. Why, some might even say I’m an asshole. But in my defense, I also present to you that I am an exceedingly private sort, let's blame by parents, they raised me to be this way. I'm not on any other social media, no twitter, no Facebook, no Instagram or whatever else there may be. And I'm rebellious, in addition, and an obligatory introduction is just the kind of thing to provoke me, you know how it is; I'll tell you what I want about myself when I want to, if I want to etcetera, ad infinitum. I will tell you, I am very pleased to be here on Steemit and further, I hope you enjoy my humble work (read: possibly inferior musings and essays), then again, perhaps you’ll hate my work, we shall see.
I suppose I’m offering you a kind of non-introduction introduction, meeting you halfway, though we could also conceivably regard this as an exercise in how to generate dislike among readers in just a few short paragraphs. Even so, this has not been for naught, reader, we have learned a few things about me thus far: I am an aloof, odd, unceremonious, raging Ass, with strikingly poor social skills. But that’s not so terrible, right? Worry not, you’ll learn more here and there through my work, which is a much better way to know me.