Sometimes when you look at someone and then look at their parents it's easy to wonder how the hell they turned out the way they did. This is how I've always considered my life while I was growing up and even more so nowadays. To say that someone's parents is a good blueprint for the child they created makes sense, but what isn't often considered, is those outside elements that allow someone to change on their own. I'm talking about those moments in time where your environment is too perfect for you to ignore one of life's lessons anymore. This has happened a total of 3 times in my life and those moments changed me. I'm not saying that a person's developments can all be reduced into one time frame where it all changes direction, but there were three different events that were the perfect catalysts to help move me one step further. These are those time. Like most of the times, this post started getting long, so I decided to cut it into three sections ,as not to focus too little on one of the times or go over-board.

Before I go on, I want to say that when I was a child, I was a complete delinquent. I was always getting myself into trouble, I treated my parents like shit, and I didn't give a shit about where I would end up in the future. My uncle Harold always joked that I would end up in jail, or as he puts it"behind the 8-ball." When I look back, I almost can't believe where I used to be and where I am today. This only further instills, within me, an important lesson that I keep dear to my heart. Heros aren't born, they are created.

The One That Got Away

A long time ago, there was this young lady that I took a liking to. I hadn't had any sort of serious relationship prior to her, so I suppose you could say that she was my first. We hung out for sometime before I finally gathered the courage to ask her out, and when I did, the response was priceless. I said "What would you do if I would ask you out?" She replied "We can try it out." From that point out I found the person that I would one day believe that I was destined to be with.

I never really was that motivated to do all that much around that time, but as the more important times came around, this girl persisted that I take the next step forward instead of what I was used to doing. I never wanted to learn how to drive, because I already could make my father drive me around anywhere I could possibly want to go. By screaming out, "William! I need to go to Mike's house. Shut off your damn movie and lets get going!" I could successfully force him from his seat, into his car and all the way to Mike's house without much resistance. I was very self-centered and demanding, and I can't imagine being able to accept the fact that my children would ever do this to me, but this is what I did to him. It was a crutch that prevented me from driving, but this girl, showed me how to drive by using her car. When it was time to make more money, this girl was the one who convince me to go around and start applying around for work. I didn't really want to have to work, but I knew I would have to one day. She was the one that pushed me to that next step.

After our first year anniversary, I gave her a promise ring and told her that if we were still together by the end of our fifth, I would ask her to marry me. I knew around that time and as the years passed on, that if there ever was such a thing as "the one," she was it.

As the time I was with her grew, so did I. I eventually started to read a lot of empowering books and reference that gave me an idea of what success was. I wanted to be more than nothing. I wanted to be something grand. Fast-forward to a couple years later and I thought I found what I was meant to do. It was a company called "Symmetry," and their whole shtick was vitamins. it was a network marketing company that had the typical pyramid style reward structure and was all about getting more people involved to help you sell products. It was good for a little bit, but as the demand of that company increased, the bound between us, diminished. It ended up being a decision I had to make. It was either going to be the company or her. I ended up choosing her, but not until having destroyed the thing that made our relationship great. Because of that decision, I had nothing.

Being lost and confused, I didn't know how to cope. I obsessed about this notion that she was the one for me and that was it. How was it possible that if we were the perfect pair, the relationship could have ended like it did? I studying all hours of the night for answers. I studied mating habits of animals, I read books on love and the chemical evidence of it. I looked into pheromones and the role they played in the attraction of people. I watched countless videos and read countless books while never coming to a resolution. I was searching endlessly for an answer not easily summed up. I didn't find what I was looking for, but what did happen is that I had been learning so much in so little of time, that I started understanding more about life which brought me down a path of fulfillment eventually.

What was love? Was it purely chemical or emotional? Was it something a Rick Sanchez from "Rick and Morty," would say is "an impulse from oxytocin that makes animals want to breed?" What cause the separation between us? I was lost in a black hole of my mind. I finally knew what it was to feel alone and within myself. I felt a darkness that people are probably referring to when they are speaking about depression. I don't want to sound dramatic, but the world literally appeared to be void of saturation. It's as if someone stole away the colors of my life and I was left with what remained. That was a very powerful place to be.

When you have nothing to lose, you have nothing better to do that go back up towards the top. I was lost, so I made the decision to find my way. I studied about spirituality, health, success, and happiness, and I literally cultivated a new form of myself. I was no longer the Adam people remembered. something happened.

So, what did I learn... After all, whats the point of a lesson if there isn't something to take away from it? I learned something that I've kept with me since. I was always too reliant on other people. I always expected people to do what I wanted but without paying the price first. I wasn't willing to pay the price of time and effort to keep in the best state of mind of other people. I was withdrawing from the emotional banks of my peers and family members without ever making deposits.

During the first couple of years after her and I broke up, I discovered that the real power I had and will ever had resided in my own abilities and actions. At first, right after the break up I discover what it was to be the victim, then, I learned to be the callused- hearted brute who refused to allow himself to be hurt again, but then I made that final transition into what I became; The one who was powerful enough to understand that he was enough but was still wanted to excel at everything he did and had enough love in his heart to accept help when offered but never expecting it. I became a form of myself that realized that you should always give without expectation but without pushing it upon others.

It's pretty interesting thinking back on it, because aside from the very beginning of the relationship, it wasn't this girl that allowed me to change, but it was because of her that the perfect environment was created so that I couldn't keep ignoring the lessons that life had to offer. I was destined for the change because of who I was. It was because of her that I was given the chance to change. Even though that relationship depleted, I grew and I have been growing since. I started writing music, I started taking more chances with life and started to act differently toward people. I stopped seeing them as tools and instead, saw them as allies. I found a form of peace within myself that I can't explain.

Now, I do want to say really quick that the end of this story isn't what you might think. The girl who I met so long ago eventually came back into my life and then back into my heart, but something had changed. The person who drove her away, was no longer there to tamper with the relationship. Amanda Rounisto one day became my wife and we have been together since. We have developed something more than love towards one another. We developed mutual respect, which in my mind, is ultimately more valuable. She unintentionally helped create the person i am today. Obviously I had 2 other situations that added to this, but this was the foundation for the rest. I had leaned to love and then lose, and then to believe and teach. Tomorrow I'll go over the other two.

Take care!