What's the best gift you have ever given. EcoTrain Question of the Week

The best gift I ever gave was not a material one. It was not a financial one. It was not giving advice nor helping somebody.

It was the gift of acceptance during a difficult and emotional period in mine and my family’s life.

In 2006 my mother was diagnosed with cancer in her bowels and liver. She died two years later on 28 August. This was of course for everybody a very difficult time. But as a family we dealt with our grief and our loss the best we could.

At that time I was very worried about my father. There were periods in his life that he drank too much and I feared that he might hit the bottle again. But he didn’t. He kept it together remarkably well. That surprised me because my parents loved each other so much and they were married for 43 years.

My father was always very dependent on my mother and I feared that he might not cope on his own. But he kept going to his weekly billiards and remained socially active which was a real relief.

Three months later I received a phone call from my father saying that he met somebody. He didn’t call it a relationship at that time but it was clear that it was more than just a friendship.

But this was not any woman that he just met. No, this was the woman who kept watch at my mother’s bed the night before she died. Not that my father stayed in contact with her. After the funeral he sent her and many others a thank you card, which is normal. It was later that he met her again at a local fair for spiritual and alternative healing.

My mother deteriorated very quickly during that last week of her life. It was decided to hire a hospital bed and to move her downstairs. It was then also decided to get somebody to watch her during the night so that my father could get some sleep. This was the day before she died.

We were all there that day and we were all coming back the next day but in the early morning she died. Everybody expected at least a couple of days more. My father was with her and she slept in very quiet and peacefully.

But the fact that my father was now seeing her, the woman that sat beside my mother the night before she died, that came as a shock. I myself didn’t know what to think. I was definitely not happy about it so shortly after. And who is this woman? Doesn’t she realise that this is not appropriate to say the least. Is she after my father’s money? Not that he had any.

My sister was completely furious. She was extremely close with my mother. And now she was very much hurt by my father’s ‘betrayal’.

My brother could not accept it either. I discussed it with him and we were both very worried. WTF is going on?

But life goes on and it was time to meet her. My siblings didn’t want to know anything about it. Everybody still saw each other and everybody still spoke to each other but they refused to accept this ‘relationship’ and refused her all together. I realised on the other hand that you don’t meet somebody special every day, especially when you get a bit older like my father. I realised that my father’s happiness was at stake here. And he knew of course and understood that it was difficult to accept and explain and maybe even inappropriate.

So I visited my father and there she was. The nicest woman ever.

She clearly didn’t have any bad intentions. She was not after anything. (She is actually quite well off herself.) She is ever so loving, very lively and healthy, always cycling and walking. She is very outgoing and social. She’s very openminded and just very nice. “Go with the flow” is her live’s motto.

So I met her a couple of times and the three of us had a very lovely time. Chatting about big pharma, chemtrails, statism, banksters and all the other fun topics about this world and humanity being in a dire situation.

But my siblings and especially my sister could not accept. I tried reasoning with her but she would not listen. I asked her:

“And what if dad wants to invite her for his birthday?”
“Then I will not come.” Said my sister.
“But she’s really nice and kind. What if I invite her to my birthday?”
“No, then I will not come either”
I started to get a bit frustrated so I asked;
“And when our father dies, is she at least welcome at the funeral?”

My sister can be as stubborn as nails. You can probably guess what she answered and I threw down the phone.

Things remained like that for a while. I was visiting my father and his girlfriend but when the family came together she was not welcome.

This was really bugging me. What could I do?

My actions were not that conscious but as we say in dutch: Ik gooide de knuppel in het hoenderhok. I simply called my sister on her birthday and said; Happy birthday sister but I will not come to your birthday. If she’s not welcome, I am not welcome.

This little action caused everything to burst wide open. Everybody was extremely upset with me but that’s I wanted and expected.

From then on everything got better. My brother and sister finally met her and now she’s fully accepted. My father and her are still together. They love each other dearly. She has been amazing in my life as well and I will never be able to thank her enough.

I didn’t realise it. But when asked with this question, this is it. My greatest gift was that I accepted her so soon after the death of my mother. It changed the life for all of us.

Thank you M. We love you.

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