We’re still in my darkness here …

I was amazed that you could study something like this. Little did I know.

So, we fell in love.
I thought.
I did.

And we rushed into it. We met, started talking, walked to the lake, lay down, stopped talking, started talking again after a beautiful cloud circle appeared in the skies and I said:

“I claim this our portal. Where does it lead us to?”

He said:

“To a place where everything is exactly the same except for the fact that fear doesn’t exist there.”

Beautiful. We walked around again, had dinner in my garden, we talked and talked and talked throughout the night until he asked:

“I can’t believe it. Where do you come from? Where have you been?”

And I said:

“From the room of possibilities.”

It seemed already clear that we were meant to be together. I thought: This is paradise. This is the Age of Aquarius. That’s it. Everything’s easy from now on.

I thought that until he started yelling at me for the first time, only one month in.

When we talked about it he didn’t even seem to know that it’s quite unusual to scream around like that. I was so in love with him. I knew some of his traumas and I understood them. That’s why I thought I could heal them. YOU CAN’T!

Whoever is reading this:

He yelled at me, threw things after me, he gaslighted and tried to manipulated me. There was no adequate answer to his behavior. He acted a weirdo. He dissociated, turned into somebody else. And he couldn’t stop judging and insulting me. I reacted with shock.

First, he just triggered my traumas. I felt offended and transgressed.
Secondly, I had been in a “regular relationship” the years before. I wasn’t used to such behavior. He caught me off-guard and got into my mind.

It didn’t feel like love for any longer. I was the traumatized version of my inner child again. Before he came into my life I was having so much fun with my magic and turning inwards. I was meditating and dancing in the garden, doing rituals, strolled through the forrest … I was happy healing all by myself. I've never had felt so high in my complete life. When we met, I felt devine. But he threw me into a deep valley immediately. I got suspicious and very sad.

• About this twist to his personality and face
• How this would always, every time, ALWAYS appear when we were intimate.
• About his insults.
• About the way he would sometimes deny everything between us.
• About how he treated me.
• That I felt punished all the time.

The way he sabotaged our work got worse. He changed plans any other minute, he wasted so much of my time and kept me from going forwards on many levels. I wondered. He had been showing so much affection before. He was passionate, lovely, inspiring, willing to change this world. This person subsided, a tiny bit each day.

He started working for the big companies again and left me alone with “our project”. He even denied it had ever been his. He denied everything we had ever agreed upon. That was it. I felt controlled. He treated me the way my abusers did. Manipulating me, trying to keep me disconnected and under his control. He talked down to me. I left him. He caused some background noise after this that’s not important for this story. He’s back to working for “the other side” again. Holistically, there are no sides in this game. Let’s just say: We met at the amplitude, I made my way up, he made his way down.

I left him in September. Ironically that was one year after I had been left. 3 month later, I am back to happy healing all by myself. But

Still.
Still I wonder.
Still it hurts. Sometimes.

Five days ago, I woke up from a nightmare. I was being cloned in Flensburg (that’s a German city). It was more than just physical cloning. They had perfectionated this procedure to a point where they could program this clone from every little detail they observed in my everyday life. In my meditation that morning, I felt very close to nothingness when all the sudden three words appeared in my mind.

“Patch Adams pedophile”

What the actual F?

I didn’t know Patch Adams. Only from what my Ex had told me. That he studied at his school for designing society, that he had met him at some kind of camp, back then when he was a child. And that everything that he was proud of today was something that he had learned from this guy: Patch Adams. To me this name meant nothing.

Five days ago, I googled exactly what had rushed through my mind:

“Patch Adams pedophile”

He's a close friend of Marion Pettie, main figure in the Finder's Cult. That’s the first thing that came up in my search. And this is where it gets so complicated …

DISCLAIMER

Welcome to the Room of Polarity. Make yourself comfortable before you go on reading. Promise yourself to not be polarized, compromised or emotionally overwhelmed. Watch your bodily reactions. This is one of those TRIGGERS, provided for those who travel through the rabbit holes of this world. Divide et Impera! We're entering a legendary time zone, known as

The Satanic Panic

I provide some links below this article so that you can research it for yourself. Just recently, @dbroze did a great summery on the Finders. @reallygraceful made a short piece also.

First of all, for chronological classification reasons: Yes, it was the time of what people called the satanic panic, BUT the satanic panic itself was a division tool formed by secret services. Key figures in this narrative, causing a lot of it were Michael Aquino (CIA), who has been a guest to the Wewelsburg as well, btw. and Ted Gunderson (FBI). Furthermore it was the time of the Franklin cover up. Again, a complete story on its own. AND: While narratives like the satanic panic back then or #pizzagate are nothing else but tools of division:

THE FACTS BEHIND IT ARE TRUE

And when it comes to the Finders: In 1956 Marion Pettie received Intelligence training at Georgetown University and in Frankfurt, Germany. In an interview he brags about how he got his wife a job at the CIA.

And there’s this paragraph in a police report about the Finders:

OK, while there’s a lot of material designed to trigger you so that you lose the ability of thinking rationally, something is/was happening there. Just as shady as that something that happened to me …

Patch Adams, the guy who taught my Ex everything. says, nothing ever happened here.
Furthermore, there are allegations that Robin Williams was blackmailed into playing Patch Adams in a movie. A movie? THE movie.

It’s about Patch Adams.
It’s called Patch Adams.

Jon Robberson who worked for Pedowood is the only source for that claim. Before he decided to put on the armor of god and not follow the news cycle any further (my personal opinion: the best that all of us can do). So, that’s just what one person says. However, even if the blackmailing assumptions wouldn’t be part of the smell, what does somebody has to do to convince Pedowood to produce a movie about your life

One day my Ex showed me a video of what he did with Patch Adams in Guatemala. It was a video showing some clowns, running around a slum like scary weirdos, holding a giant penis. He said it would be sexual education.

Where are the parents?

I asked.

It’s a slum.

Oh, holy displacement mechanisms. I dissociated, I hushed away, I took a bath in my comfort zone. I have been so blind!
That was exactly the hell I knew about. What I had researched as a journalist and was never allowed to put out anywhere. What I had personal experience of and absolutely knew about. I didn't want to see it. I could go on writing for ever from here on. It’s so complicated. The Finder’s cult is a whole story on its own, Patch Adams is, Pedowood is, my Ex is …
How to sort it all out? I think it’s logical. My Ex was involved with this whole crazy narrative that I keep on attracting until I am healed, I guess. As soon as I stop hushing away. I feel like closing another chapter here. Thanks for your attention.

MORE ABOUT THE FINDERS, SATANIC PANIC AND ADAMS

From minute 53 on, they start talking about Droop Mountain, tunnel systems, child trafficking and ask questions about the involvement of the Gesundheit! institute by Patch Adams, located in this scarcely populated region. I like to start with this one because they're not wildly accusing Patch Adams, rather they ask him to answer their questions.