Vent Of The Day: Kode Penerimaan Diri & Kuantum ..
Despite my logical mind often wanting to write on certain topics that come across as professional, productive, and focused, it often seems that the writing that happens to flow on its own is of a much different nature - rambling vents, of sorts, seemingly-scattered reflections on inner conflicts that often appear to obstruct those mind-driven intentions of producing something more “professional.”
I kinda don’t like it.
Yet, the creative flow is its own beast. And often, there’s more hell to be experienced in resisting in than simply surrendering to wherever it wants to go.
I really don’t enjoy venting my inner qualms to the world. Yet, I’ve somehow grown in maturity to recognize that somehow, it’s a unique angle I’m positioned to - and one which, upon playing those cards I’ve been dealt, end up being of service to readers - as evidenced by the abundant feedback expressing appreciation for the reflections provided through my writing, which can at times have a sort of almost-therapeutic value in bringing common psychological dynamics and aspects of the human experience to light for examination and processing/transmutation.
Perhaps its my Chiron in the 10th house at work.
In any case, it still seems a bit odd that I end up fighting this pattern, resisting the natural creative flow, wanting to impose my ideas of how the process should look like upon reality - despite repeated evidence that strategy does not work well. Maybe I am partly crazy, as per the classic saying:
It’s weird, how far a person’s self-denial can extend. Or maybe, it just takes decades to reconcile the paradoxes of the human experience.
Since I was about 16, I always gravitated to studying (and planning out my own) business (ideas). Also excelling with music talent and aspirations, my early role models were the legendary hip hop moguls the likes of Sean Combs (Puff Daddy) and Russell Simmons (of Def Jam & Phat Farm). I didn’t buy into the limited conventional cultural mindset of having to choose one specialized path of employment or business, and had a deep yearning to apply my creative outlets in both worlds of arts/music and business. Though, the bulk of my twenties went into pursuing the business side.
And in all honesty, I wasn’t the best at it.
I studied obsessively and mapped out business plans and models with great detail. But, I lacked the entrepreneurial gusto to actually put those plans into action. I lacked the psychological temperament, social capabilities, and patience to build and work effectively within teams on long-term projects. And I lacked the willpower to stick with any single idea - as the flow of new, more exciting ideas kept flowing so fast, that chaining myself down to actually build out and manage something seemed like an incredible, demotivating bore.
I might have had a bit of the entrepreneurial mindset and ambition. But to be honest (with myself), I was definitely more of an artist at heart.
I probably knew that. Though based on action, I probably didn’t fully own it.
The result...?
Struggle.
Huge amounts of time “wasted” learning and doing things I wasn’t really passionate about, whereas I could have remained more focused in my actual flow, utilizing the creative talents to the fullest - versus trying to fit into in a game I was neither all that keen to play nor naturally-equipped to excel at.
Granted, it wasn’t all a waste.
It has become clear after-the-fact, that there indeed was an artistic aspect to the decade-long endeavor of business studies - that all the various things I had been learning were pieces to a far bigger puzzle, dots which I’d eventually begin seeing the connections between. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it turned out I had been subconsciously architecting a work of art that would serve as a foundation for accelerated effectiveness & success in what undertakings are yet to come: a vast neural network.
My attention drifted to an odd pattern today, settling into the coffee shop and sitting down to write...
Despite my logical mind often wanting to write on certain topics that come across as professional, productive, and focused, it often seems that the writing that happens to flow on its own is of a much different nature - rambling vents, of sorts, seemingly-scattered reflections on inner conflicts that often appear to obstruct those mind-driven intentions of producing something more “professional.”
I kinda don’t like it.
Yet, the creative flow is its own beast. And often, there’s more hell to be experienced in resisting in than simply surrendering to wherever it wants to go.
I really don’t enjoy venting my inner qualms to the world. Yet, I’ve somehow grown in maturity to recognize that somehow, it’s a unique angle I’m positioned to - and one which, upon playing those cards I’ve been dealt, end up being of service to readers - as evidenced by the abundant feedback expressing appreciation for the reflections provided through my writing, which can at times have a sort of almost-therapeutic value in bringing common psychological dynamics and aspects of the human experience to light for examination and processing/transmutation.
Perhaps its my Chiron in the 10th house
at work.
In any case, it still seems a bit odd that I end up fighting this pattern, resisting the natural creative flow, wanting to impose my ideas of how the process should look like upon reality - despite repeated evidence that strategy does not work well. Maybe I am partly crazy, as per the classic saying:
It’s weird, how far a person’s self-denial can extend. Or maybe, it just takes decades to reconcile the paradoxes of the human experience.
Since I was about 16, I always gravitated to studying (and planning out my own) business (ideas). Also excelling with music talent and aspirations, my early role models were the legendary hip hop moguls the likes of Sean Combs (Puff Daddy) and Russell Simmons (of Def Jam & Phat Farm). I didn’t buy into the limited conventional cultural mindset of having to choose one specialized path of employment or business, and had a deep yearning to apply my creative outlets in both worlds of arts/music and business. Though, the bulk of my twenties went into pursuing the business side.
And in all honesty, I wasn’t the best at it.
I studied obsessively and mapped out business plans and models with great detail. But, I lacked the entrepreneurial gusto to actually put those plans into action. I lacked the psychological temperament, social capabilities, and patience to build and work effectively within teams on long-term projects. And I lacked the willpower to stick with any single idea - as the flow of new, more exciting ideas kept flowing so fast, that chaining myself down to actually build out and manage something seemed like an incredible, demotivating bore.
I might have had a bit of the entrepreneurial mindset and ambition. But to be honest (with myself), I was definitely more of an artist at heart.
I probably knew that. Though based on action, I probably didn’t fully own it.
The result...?
Struggle.
Huge amounts of time “wasted” learning and doing things I wasn’t really passionate about, whereas I could have remained more focused in my actual flow, utilizing the creative talents to the fullest - versus trying to fit into in a game I was neither all that keen to play nor naturally-equipped to excel at.
Granted, it wasn’t all a waste.
It has become clear after-the-fact, that there indeed was an artistic aspect to the decade-long endeavor of business studies - that all the various things I had been learning were pieces to a far bigger puzzle, dots which I’d eventually begin seeing the connections between. Unbeknownst to me at the time, it turned out I had been subconsciously architecting a work of art that would serve as a foundation for accelerated effectiveness & success in what undertakings are yet to come: a vast neural network.
~ *art credit: Samuel Farrand
Maybe I did know what I was doing all along. (At least a part of me, though subconscious). The farther I’ve progressed, the more it all makes sense.
Yet, there are still these pesky quirks of the human vehicle which would repeatedly have me forget. And, in between remembering, often run around in circles chasing my tail with silly addictive patterns of handing power over to the faultily-programmed mind for its misdirecting my focus towards trying to be something I’m not and play outdated societal games. (i.e. allocating more time towards business ideas and trying to win approval for being “intelligent” and “ambitious,” versus embracing the genius artist flow and running with it).
The point of this story...?
I don’t fucking know.
But it’s kinda feeling near complete.
Maybe this stuff is just something that needed venting. Maybe I do have some element of “Attention Deficit Disorder,” and this was a masterfully-concealed distraction-mechanism to keep myself from exercising the discipline to take action on some of the writings I’ve been putting off on Tauchain and Earth Dollar.
Or maybe there are some lessons and reflections in here for a number of different readers, which I’ll never know - each serving individually in ways perfectly custom-tailored to the moment of self-expansion and collective evolution they’re discovered in - codes weaved within to serve the genetic activation of this shared ascension process.
Yeah. That.
Sometimes I wonder whether I’ve sabotaged all these grand entrepreneurial aspirations with “scattered rambles” and contemplating over such “conflicts,” and whether I’m fooling myself by thinking there’s actually value by consuming readers’ attention with such articulation of my own confusions. The rewards values sure don’t seem to reflect well if there is value in them, versus my earlier works here that were focused more towards serving Steemit. Maybe it is delusional to think that what I’ve earned & kept invested in crypto will eventually provide the financial freedom I’ve lusted after all these years, which I always saw as the stepping stone to accessing the creative freedom. Perhaps I would be better off quitting my “whining,” and get to work building something of tangible value in this emerging blockchain revolution.
Or, is that line of thinking merely another denial of the predominant artist-at-heart, slipping back into outdated patterns of valuing the wrong things by prioritizing money over soul calling to create and serve in unique ways the logical, capitalistic mind will never understand...?
Part of the confusing thing in these new realms & eras: there is no clear-cut black-and-white, yes/no, right/wrong answer. When it comes to reflective questions like these, there are truths in both sides/answers.
And until we cease judgement of either side, opening to embrace the time and place of each perspective, we keep ourselves locked out of access to the full spectrum of Truths that lie in the middle - severing the connections advancing the growth of the neural networks which increase our sensory abilities and capabilities for complex pattern recognition, to the degree of transcendence above perceived conflict - returned back to the complete, clear God-consciousness.
Welcome to quantum.
Activation Complete.
Meskipun pikiran logis saya sering ingin menulis tentang topik-topik tertentu yang tampil sebagai profesional, produktif, dan terfokus, sering terlihat bahwa tulisan yang terjadi mengalir sendiri memiliki sifat yang jauh berbeda - bunyi melenting, macam-macam, kelihatannya- pantulan yang tersebar pada konflik batin yang sering muncul menghalangi niat yang dipicu pikiran untuk menghasilkan sesuatu yang lebih "profesional."
Saya agak tidak menyukainya.
Namun, aliran kreatif adalah binatangnya sendiri. Dan sering, ada lebih banyak neraka yang harus dialami dalam melawan daripada hanya menyerah ke mana pun ia ingin pergi.
Saya benar-benar tidak menikmati melampiaskan keraguan batin saya kepada dunia. Namun, saya entah bagaimana tumbuh dalam kedewasaan untuk mengenali bahwa entah bagaimana, itu adalah sudut yang unik saya diposisikan untuk - dan satu yang, setelah bermain kartu-kartu saya sudah ditangani, akhirnya menjadi layanan kepada pembaca - sebagaimana dibuktikan oleh umpan balik melimpah mengungkapkan penghargaan untuk refleksi yang diberikan melalui tulisan saya, yang kadang-kadang dapat memiliki semacam nilai hampir terapeutik dalam membawa dinamika psikologis umum dan aspek pengalaman manusia ke cahaya untuk pemeriksaan dan pengolahan / transmutasi.
Mungkin Chiron saya di rumah ke-10 di tempat kerja.
Bagaimanapun, tampaknya masih agak aneh bahwa saya akhirnya melawan pola ini, menolak aliran kreatif alami, ingin memaksakan ide - ide saya tentang bagaimana proses seharusnya terlihat pada kenyataan - meskipun ada bukti yang berulang bahwa strategi tidak berjalan dengan baik. Mungkin aku am sebagian gila, sesuai pepatah klasik:
Ini aneh, seberapa jauh penyangkalan diri seseorang bisa meluas. Atau mungkin, hanya butuh beberapa dekade untuk merekonsiliasi paradoks pengalaman manusia.
Sejak saya berusia 16 tahun, saya selalu tertarik untuk mempelajari (dan merencanakan bisnis saya sendiri) (ide). Juga unggul dengan bakat musik dan aspirasi, model peran awal saya adalah hip hop mogul legendaris seperti Sean Combs (Puff Daddy) dan Russell Simmons (dari Def Jam & Phat Farm). Saya tidak membeli ke dalam pola pikir budaya konvensional yang terbatas karena harus memilih satu jalur pekerjaan atau bisnis khusus, dan memiliki kerinduan mendalam untuk menerapkan outlet kreatif saya di kedua dunia seni / musik dan bisnis. Meskipun, sebagian besar anak-anak saya memasuki bisnis sampingan.
Dan sejujurnya, saya bukan yang terbaik dalam hal itu.
Saya belajar dengan obsesif dan memetakan rencana bisnis dan model dengan sangat rinci. Tapi, saya tidak memiliki semangat wirausaha untuk benar-benar mewujudkan rencana tersebut. Saya tidak memiliki temperamen psikologis, kemampuan sosial, dan kesabaran untuk membangun dan bekerja secara efektif di dalam tim dalam proyek jangka panjang. Dan saya tidak memiliki kemauan keras untuk tetap dengan satu ide pun - karena aliran ide-ide baru yang lebih menarik terus mengalir begitu cepat, yang menghantam diri untuk benar-benar membangun dan mengelola sesuatu tampak seperti membosankan yang luar biasa dan mendemotivasi.
Saya mungkin memiliki sedikit pemikiran dan ambisi kewirausahaan . Tapi jujur saja (dengan diri saya sendiri) , saya jelas lebih dari seorang seniman di hati.
Saya mungkin tahu itu. Meskipun berdasarkan tindakan, saya mungkin tidak sepenuhnya memilikinya.
Hasil...?
Perjuangan.
Sejumlah besar waktu "terbuang" untuk belajar dan melakukan hal-hal yang tidak terlalu saya sukai, sedangkan saya bisa tetap lebih fokus pada aliran saya yang sebenarnya , memanfaatkan bakat kreatif sepenuhnya - dibandingkan mencoba menyesuaikan diri dalam permainan saya juga tidak semua yang ingin bermain atau dilengkapi secara alami untuk unggul.
Memang, itu tidak semuanya sia-sia.
Ini telah menjadi jelas setelah-the-fakta, bahwa memang itu merupakan aspek artistik untuk usaha dekade-panjang studi bisnis - yang semua berbagai hal yang saya telah pembelajaran adalah potongan teka-teki yang jauh lebih besar, titik-titik yang aku akan akhirnya mulai melihat hubungan antara. Tanpa saya ketahui pada saat itu, ternyata saya telah secara tidak sadar merancang sebuah karya seni yang akan berfungsi sebagai landasan untuk efektivitas yang dipercepat & kesuksesan dalam usaha apa yang akan datang: jaringan saraf yang luas .
Mungkin saya memang tahu apa yang saya lakukan selama ini. (Setidaknya sebagian dari saya, meskipun tidak sadar). Semakin jauh saya maju, semakin masuk akal.
Namun, masih ada kebiasaan aneh dari kendaraan manusia yang berulang kali membuat saya lupa. Dan, di antara mengingat, sering berlari berputar-putar mengejar ekor saya dengan pola kecanduan konyol menyerahkan kekuasaan ke pikiran terprogram-salah karena misdirectnya fokus saya terhadap mencoba menjadi sesuatu yang saya tidak mainkan dan bermain game sosial. (yaitu mengalokasikan lebih banyak waktu untuk ide-ide bisnis dan mencoba untuk memenangkan persetujuan untuk menjadi "cerdas" dan "ambisius," versus merangkul aliran seniman jenius dan berjalan dengan itu).
Inti dari cerita ini ...?
Saya tidak tahu.
Tapi rasanya sudah hampir selesai.
Mungkin barang-barang ini hanya sesuatu yang perlu dibuang. Mungkin aku tidak memiliki beberapa unsur “Attention Deficit Disorder,” dan ini adalah ahlinya-tersembunyi gangguan-mekanisme untuk menjaga diri dari berolahraga disiplin untuk mengambil tindakan pada beberapa tulisan saya telah meletakkan off pada Tauchain dan Dolar Bumi.
Atau mungkin ada beberapa pelajaran dan refleksi di sini untuk sejumlah pembaca yang berbeda, yang tidak akan pernah saya ketahui - masing-masing melayani secara individual dengan cara yang disesuaikan secara khusus dengan momen ekspansi diri dan evolusi kolektif yang mereka temukan dalam kode berkelok dalam untuk melayani aktivasi genetik dari proses kenaikan bersama ini.
Ya. Bahwa.
Kadang-kadang aku bertanya-tanya apakah aku sudah disabotase semua aspirasi kewirausahaan besar ini dengan “rambles tersebar” dan merenungkan lebih seperti “konflik,” dan apakah aku menipu diriku sendiri dengan berpikir ada sebenarnya nilai dengan mengkonsumsi perhatian pembaca dengan artikulasi seperti kebingungan saya sendiri . Nilai-nilai imbalan pasti tampaknya tidak mencerminkan baik jika ada adalah nilai di dalamnya, dibandingkan karya saya sebelumnya di sini yang lebih fokus terhadap melayani Steemit. Mungkin ini delusional untuk berpikir bahwa apa yang telah saya dapatkan dan terus diinvestasikan dalam crypto akhirnya akan memberikan kebebasan finansial yang saya inginkan setelah bertahun-tahun, yang saya selalu lihat sebagai batu loncatan untuk mengakses kebebasan kreatif . Mungkin saya akan melakukannyalebih baik berhenti dari "rengekan" saya, dan mulai bekerja membangun sesuatu yang bernilai nyata dalam revolusi blockchain yang sedang berkembang ini.
Atau, apakah garis pemikiran itu hanya penyangkalan lain dari seniman-di-hati yang dominan, tergelincir kembali ke pola kuno menilai hal-hal yang salah dengan memprioritaskan uang atas panggilan jiwa untuk menciptakan dan melayani dengan cara-cara unik, pikiran kapitalis yang logis tidak akan pernah mengerti ...?
Bagian dari hal yang membingungkan di ini alam baru & era: ada adalah tidak ada, ya / tidak, benar / jawaban yang salah yang jelas hitam-putih. Ketika sampai pada pertanyaan reflektif seperti ini, ada kebenaran di kedua sisi / jawaban.
Dan sampai kita berhenti menilai dari kedua sisi, membuka untuk merangkul waktu dan tempat dari masing - masing perspektif, kita menjaga diri kita terkunci keluar dari akses ke spektrum penuh Kebenaran yang terletak di tengah - memutuskan koneksi memajukan pertumbuhan jaringan saraf yang meningkatkan kemampuan dan kemampuan indrawi kita untuk pengenalan pola yang kompleks , sampai tingkat transendensi di atas konflik yang dirasakan - dikembalikan ke kesadaran Tuhan yang lengkap dan jelas.
Selamat datang di quantum.
Aktivasi Selesai.
Referenci Vent Of The Day: Self-Acceptance & Quantum Codes..
Regards @rok-sivante