Enjoy this selection of Paraprosdakian.

Some people say I’m a mean person, but it’s not true! I have the heart of a sweet man … in a jar, on my desk. - Unknown

Choose a degree in something you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn’t hiring. - Unknown

Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than the rest of us. Nine horrible, worthless, bacon-less years. - Unknown

Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. - Scott Adams

I just sold a lawn mower on Craigslist. That’ll be the last time my neighbour wakes me up on a Saturday. - Unknown

Some people won’t admit their faults. I would, if I had any. - Unknown

After exercising I always eat a pizza… Just kidding I never exercise. - Unknown

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch. - Orson Welles

Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well. - Mark Twain

End discrimination. Hate everybody. - Elle Eden

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew. - Unknown

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