How to Survive Halloween – Super Good Tips for Adults

Will you be handing out candy at home this year? Here are three super good tips for surviving the struggle!

If you’re one of the smart people who avoided marriage and children, then you can stop reading here. Go be that sexy mummy, naughty nurse, or devilishly handsome...well...devil.

For the rest of you, read on. Maybe one day you’ll finally learn from your mistakes. While you wait for that to happen, here are some tips to help you survive Halloween night.

1 – Buy candy

Go to the store any time before Halloween night. Purchase a bag of your favorite candy for what feels like an absurdly high price. Here’s where it gets tricky. The candy isn’t for you. And it’s not for your own children. You’ll be giving it away to all of the other children in the neighborhood.

That doesn’t make sense, does it? Is it supposed to? I don’t know! Who decides these things anyway? I think it’s the Catholic Church or something. It doesn’t matter. You just need to know that a bunch of little smelly beggar children will be coming to your house looking for candy. And you’ll need to give it to them. But didn’t their parents buy candy too? Yes! They did! But their candy wasn’t good enough, obviously. Give them yours.

At the end of the night, you’ll probably have a lot of candy left over if you expected to give it all away. If you thought you bought enough for the neighborhood children, you probably ran out at sunset. If you did buy too much, you’ll have to eat it all yourself. Good thing you purchased your favorite candy.

2 – Find a costume

Well, maybe not an entire costume. Just get a witch’s hat. Or perhaps a cloak of some sort or a T-shirt with a pumpkin on it. Or that old Mardi Gras mask you wore that one time back in college when you were still moderately enjoyable to be around. But don’t go overboard. You don’t really want to get into the Halloween spirit. Do the bare minimum. This day is about the children, unless you don’t have children. Then you could be out enjoying yourself at a bar with some friends in full costume and makeup, trying to win the slutty apple-bobbing contest that has a prize of a $100 bar tab.

But for now you only need to look like you care about Halloween and only for a few minutes as you prep your kids for their annual adventure. Do just enough to fool your children until they’ve gone out pleading for treats from your grouchy neighbors.

3 – Have some fun!

You bought candy. You painted your children and put them in silly clothes. You’re wearing your hat or mask from the dollar store. Now it’s time to get drunk!

To make things festive, you should have bought some alcohol that is holiday-appropriate. Try some apple schnapps or pumpkin pie liqueur. Or maybe grab a 12-pack of Oktoberfest or pumpkin harvest ale. But the best thing to do is fill a large punch bowl with Sangria. Oh, it’s just you and your spouse? So what? Being lame is what got you into this mess in the first place. Try having some fun for once in your life!

If you drink too much, just take the next day off. November 1st an official religious holiday. Pretty awesome, isn’t it? When you finally roll out of bed, or off of the neighbor’s porch at two in the afternoon, put your hat or mask away for next year, clean up all of the candy wrappers from your child’s bed, and sweep up those bits of your neighbor’s pumpkins from your driveway. If anyone asks, it was those damn neighborhood teens again!

I hope these tips are helpful! If you have any questions or tips of your own, ask me or share them!

SGL

---

All images attribution-free from Pixabay.com

If you enjoy my posts, please upvote, follow me, and Re-Steem!