LIFE, DEATH AND STEEMIT

STEEMIT is serious, and there is a correct way to do THINGS.

The key thing to keep in mind is that we are not on Facebook any more, and on Steemit everything is either right or it is wrong.

Starting with the heading and first line, the use of upper and lower case is IMPORTANT, revealing and SERIOUS. Using upper case letters is SHOUTING, and that is like unzipping your pants as you walk down the street, whipping out your penis, and letting it swing in the wind. Meanwhile, the use of lower case letters is like mumbling or dribbling. What you should do is intermittently whip out your penis while you are mumbling and dribbling. In the street this might be considered strange, but on Steemit, this shows you are SERIOUS.

SEXISM is seriously offensive. That last paragraph was sexist because I used the word PENIS. This implied that because women lack penises they are inferior, which makes them jealous and enraged, and therefore likely to commit murder. After saying something sexist, it’s vital to apologise, explain yourself and then cite references.

The use of images is SERIOUS. All images need to be credited to the website you copied them from. Failure to do so may result in the removal of your PENIS.

Original image source

Photography is a serious subcategory of images. Since the widespread adoption of colour film, photography has become frivolous. Photos on Steemit should preferably be black and white. Black and white photos are more serious and they have a clean, binary meaning, like zero and one, or right and wrong. Black and white photos make it clear which photos are serious.

At the bottom of your post, underneath the credits and references, you need to provide a signature photo. Signature photos show you are SERIOUS. Your signature photo should be black and white, and you should be looking serious and intense. The photo should be taken with the camera at eye level so that you are neither looking down at the camera (showing your delusions of superiority) nor looking up at the camera (showing your delusions of a direct connection to God.) It’s a good idea on your signature photo to whip out your penis or dribble because that shows you are serious.

Until people realise that Steemit is serious, it is doomed to just being lumped in as another blogging platform or social media site. When we whip out our penises, we need to provide measurements along with third party identification to prove that the photos are genuine. Until Steemit consistently demands these standards it won’t be taken seriously, and that is the main impediment to rapid growth in new members.

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SIFT666 aka Ian Gregson from Wellington, New Zealand, is the world’s foremost authority on Steemit blogging and works full time as a professional serious prick.

In between writing many of the most serious posts on Steemit he is developing a new way to insert mind control devices into random stranger’s anuses without them being aware of it.

He is also developing a new website portal to rival Steemit called www.frot.co.nz where he is testing out a new feature called “frottage” that may revolutionise blogging and create a serious global paradigm shift.

(Any pictures labeled @sift666, www.sift.co.nz or www.frot.co.nz are his own seriously sifty and deranged works)

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