[HUMOR] 10 Things You May Not Ever Have Wanted to Know About Me — Steemit

[HUMOR] 10 Things You May Not Ever Have Wanted to Know About Me

in humor •  2 years ago

I needed to write something light to offset the other stuff I'm working on. What better than to have a little self-deprecating humor? Seriously though... These are 10 things that you may never have wanted to know about me.

Meredith Loughran in a hairkini made at FaceInHole.com
Hey @phoenixmaid! Was this the hairkini you were referring to??? ROFL
Courtesy of FaceInHole.com


Now, I know you love me and have me high on a pretty pedestal...you know, because I'm all that.


Get over yourself, Meredith!


So I figured I needed to take myself down a notch or two.

10. I was a funeral singer

Yup. It was my job to make people cry. Isn't that wonderful?


Oh my gosh, I'm such a bitch!



It's true. I studied at Westminster Choir College with high hopes to be an opera singer but instead chose to marry an asshole and breed children. My education didn't go completely to waste though. I've sung (in the choir) with major orchestras and conductors. And while I never shared the big stage, I have done my fair share of solo work.

9. I self-published an erotica

It's total smut.
I couldn't just write something nice and sweet, now could I? Noooo... It's basically porn with a somewhat decent story line.

I haven't decided if I'm going to publish it on Steemit in hot and heavy bite-sized pieces yet...you know...being on that wonderfully high pedestal and all. What would all my sweet followers think?!


Fer Realz!


Wait... Do I have any sweet followers? LOL

8. I am not that adventerous.

Hmm... I used to be a little adventurous but my husband and I have been together for almost 13 years and we'll be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in July. He has never read my book...but he tends to run away when I say I need to do some... umm... research.


"Honey, why are you huddled in a fetal position in the far corner of the dark closet?"


7. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Here I am in my mid-40s and I'm clueless about my life direction. I've retired my vocal cords (maybe). I've published my book (You call that filth a book? I can't believe you kiss your husband with that imagination.)

My kids survived me (BONUS!).

Well, I suppose I could call myself an author and lay around eating bon-bons while a pretty cabana boy massages my...ah...feet -- yeah, my feet.
See? I think I'm regressing into the childhood that never was. #AdultingBadly

6. FUCK is my favorite word.




Yeah, that video pretty much sums it up.
While I don't use it all the time - "Why you mother****fucker!**" is a term of endearment that my husband and I share.

5. I have 2 toenails on each pinky toe.

So... I either should have been born with 12 toes or I simply wasn't quite ripened enough during incubation phase.


I'm a super freak, super freak, I'm super freakeeee, yeah!


4. Speaking of toes

All of my small toes are the same size within a millimeter.
My husband pointed this out to me a few years ago. I told him to fuck off. No, they're not!
He proceeded to measure them for me. Hmm. Maybe that's why I tip over all the time?

My love of whiskey has nothing to do with it, y'all!

3. I'm really an alien in a human's body

Fine! The header is a little misleading. It should read "I really feel like an alien in a human's body".

I wasn't assessed with Asperger's until I was in my mid-30s so my entire youth was spent coping with a world that went by too fast, in facial expressions and body language that I didn't understand until I studied human behavior and figured out how to fit in with the human race.

I've never considered it a disability. Actually, I think it's a blessing because if I wasn't on the autism scale, I'd be fucking perfect!

![]{


2. And since I'm in an alien body, I have to admit that I really hate to poo.

I'm serious! I hate pooping.

I will cramp up and nearly shit myself before I go to the bathroom. Public restrooms? Oh hellz no.

The worst was going camping and the only amenity was an outhouse. You wanna talk about a special kind of hell?

But I digress. I'm at a point when I can say "When you gotta go, you gotta go." At least I'm better off than my husband. He can't seem to take a step without farting. I think his innards are starting to rot.

1. My name is Meredith

You might be saying, DUH! We know that already!

Yeah, well what you didn't know is that I have a Korean mother and all my Korean relatives.

Did you know there is no "R" or "TH" sound in the Korean language?

So literally HALF my family cannot say my name.

I've been called Meh-reh-dith or Meh-deh-deh - or asshole - or fartknocker... Don't ask me what the last one means. My husband is just as juvenile as I am.

Anyways.... Thanks Mom and Dad!

  • All animated gifs came from giphy.com

Your comments, upvotes and shares are always appreciated. Thank you.

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excellent congratulations I am your faithful follower, I like what you do thank you very much

Number 10- just spat out my tea at that!

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And people wonder why I'm so strange? LOL

WTF - great post and good to know lol -love that word too!....

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It is quite a diverse word...it goes with everything...kind of like bacon. :P

Bahahaha that's the one, odd it almost looks home grown.
Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't know what they want to do when they grow up.

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I can't even believe that I found it but it was on an external drive of stuff I save when I had to reformat my computer. LOL
Growing up sucks. My kids actually think I'm fun now. :D

Please show us the smut !! :D

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I'm a big fan of smut. LOL

Well hell #3 explains everything.... hehe
Keep that pencil sharp! :)

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NaNooNaNoo - I come in peace. LOL

Another awesome post mate :)
Quicky phone response - Ive never actually been assessed but I think im on the spectrum too, and you should totally share your smut with steemit medehdeh :)

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@ausbitbank, you should do some reading up on it. The reason I was assessed was because my son was gong through therapy...and they looked at me and said "We'd like to assess you too." I was like, OKAY! Honestly, it was the best thing for me. Affirmed that I was a little "off" for a reason. LOL
And...there are some minds that believe it's hereditary, which is no surprise to me since I've got more nuts in my family tree than branches. :oP

This was fantastic! I'm glad I was able to add about $10 to your post! I think the Asberger's part was my favorite! Well, your erotica book was interesting too. I had no idea.........maybe you should put it on Steemit?

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Holy moly, @stellabelle - thank you!
I'm really thinking about posting it on Steemit. We seem to have a lot of smut readers here. LOL

The look on my face reading this post! If only you could hear the laughter!!


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LOL
Embracing the weird that I am. It took a long time to appreciate it. heheh

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I honestly don't know which thing was the funniest. I'm still thinking and laughing about this post and it has to be at least 8 or 9 hours later. I would have never thought you dropped F-bombs on a regular basis(nothing like a good F-bomb IMO) and the funeral singer thing....Oh man...God Bless Funeral Singers...never really thought about that one. Shoot I'm just learning to be comfortable in my own skin and it's something I wish I would have managed to accomplish a long time ago!

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OMG - motherfucker and fuck off are probably my all time favorites. LOL

The funeral singing thing was more than a paid job because I was invited in to often a family's terrible day...and then make them cry some more. And if they cried while I was singing I was like YES! woot woo! I did my job while at the very same time trying not to cry because I could empathize with their loss.

Yeah, so definitely embrace the weird, odd, and unique things about yourself. It's what makes you 1. endearing or 2. a royal pain in the ass. If it's 1 for the people around you - BONUS. If you're a 2 for people - they don't matter. ;)

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I saw I had replies...There is literally only the top line of your reply and I didn't notice who it was from....I see this....

  • OMG - motherfucker and fuck off
    "Who did I piss off?" is what I was thinking. ROFL
    WOOT WOO-Double ROFL
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hahahahaa... I keep forgetting that even the first 100 characters in comments is important too. I just snarfed my tea. LOL