The Keyboard Game: WORST DRINKING GAME EVER

in humor •  last year

When I drink -- which is all the time -- I make up stupid drinking games. The Keyboard Game is one of those games. Mbah.

Worst Drinking Game Ever: The Keyboard Game

How to play the keyboard game

Pregame

  1. Drink at least half a gallon of cheap whiskey. Canadian Lake is the best for projectile vomiting later... and it's CHEAP!
  2. Find a keyboard and smash the shit outta it on the group. Smoking a clove while doing so is optional, but it makes you look cooler.
  3. Throw away all the non-letter, non-number, non-arrow keys. They suck.
  4. Pick up the shattered keys along with the broken shards of your hopes and dreams and put them in a brown paper bag. (BONUS: Reuse the brown paper bag you got with the half gallon of Canadian Lake and be eco-friendly!)
  5. Gather all your fellow bastards together and sit in circle.

The Game

Each bastard takes a turn drawing a key from the bag, then passes the bag in the direction of whoever puked most recently.

  1. If you draw a consonant key, YOU TAKE A DRINK.
  2. If you draw a vowel key, YOU GIVE OUT A DRINK.
  3. If you draw a number key, YOU TAKE THAT MANY DRINKS.
  4. If you draw an arrow, YOU DO A WATERFALL!!!

When you are out of keys, the game is over. The winner is whoever is still conscious.

FAQs

  1. What's a waterfall?
    Everyone starts drinking at the same time, and the next person in rotation doesn't stop drinking until the previous person stops. If you stop early, you suck.

  2. What happens if I can't drink my number?
    You drink double.

  3. What happens if the other bastard won't drink?
    They drink double.

  4. What happens when if more than one person is conscious at the end of the game?
    You play again.

  5. What happens if no one is conscious at the end of the game?
    You wake up in a puddle of vomit and shame, then you play again.

  6. This is fucking stupid. Why would anyone play this game?
    Are you saying you don't want to drink? (Refer to Rule #3)

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What what, I played this horrible game with you! I don't remember how it ended but the cops told me that that poor goat will never be the same.