Catching a Monster! The Tempest Papers: Letters from a Boat Cat to her Human on Land
Another weekend of letters from Tempest, the boat cat to her human Paris back on land.
Warning, she has a sailor's vocabulary and can be quite salty and sassy at times! Our family was traveling down throught he Bahamas on a 40 foot trimaran sailboat with 4 humans, two dogs and two cats.
Dear Paris,
Last night I proved my worth. I am the highest queen. The bad ass hunter. Better than the rest. The most brilliant crew member ever.
I managed to tackle, corner and kill this intrusive monster. In spite of the smell, I held my breath and I prevailed (bet you didn't know that cats could hold their breath, eh?)
As I sat with my conquered prey, waiting for the adulation, praise and perhaps some decent foods, I imagined how happy the humans would be to have this putrid, smelly beast finally conquered.
Honestly, I had hoped they wouldn't make TOO much of a fuss. All I expected was a thank you, perhaps, to go along with my award feast of fresh fish.
Instead, do you know what I got? Fuck all. That's what. I got scolded. SCOLDED. Like a CHILD.
I swear these humans don't have a clue as to what I go through for them. I tell you this, if that's all I get, I'm taking this smelly beast and I'm going to destroy it and leave nasty smelly pieces of it stuffed in every corner of their rooms! Once it starts decaying and drinking up the pace, they will no longer sleep, they will wine and moan like humans do so well... And I will laugh. LAUGH. I will laugh myself to sleep.
Laughing through my tears,
Tempest
Queen of all pets, overlord of the floating castle, quickly losing my patience with humans.
Read Previous Tempest Letters:
Thank you for reading!
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Byn I love these stories. Do you really live on a boat with two dogs and two cats? I'd be constantly worried about them falling in. 😓 She's a beautiful cat. What breed is she?
We did, for almost two years. She fell overboard several times, actually, but she just swam around to the back of the boat and climbed up the swim ladder. I actually have video of it, because once we purposefully dropped her in the water to make sure she could get back on.
She was a rescue, our daughter's boyfriend (who lived on the boat with us for a while) found her as a tiny kitten in a parking lot and managed to save her before she got hit.
The dogs fell in occasionally as well, but they were really strong swimmers. So other than the time that the chihuahua fell into the waters that were shark infested, it was never a big deal. There was that ONE time, though, that Patrick nearly lost a hand grabbing her out of the water JUST in time to avoid the jaws of death.
Yeah, no big deal. 😐 😂
That was in the Dominican Republic where we were stranded for a while after the mast broke off in a storm during a travel day... we hadn't planned on goign to the DR because of the pollution and high crime rates, but when your sailboat loses a mast, you're kind of stuck! "/
Ha ha, creativity at its peak
She is a pretty creative cat. ;)
Thanks for the comment!
@byn
what a lovely cat with a very nice story
British cat owners spend roughly 550 million pounds yearly on cat food.
@GuyTMartland are you listening?
Cats walk on their toes.