Heartbreak After Heartbreak....Why do we still do it? Why do we still Homestead or Farm?

Over the course of the years, we have had many a heartbreak when it comes to homesteading and farming. We have had crops fail, we've had things go wrong at the wrong time financially and we have dug more holes on this property than I'd care to admit, burying livestock.

Today was no exception. Another fatality and all we can do is wipe the tears, wonder what we could have done different, dig the hole and try to perceive this life as fair and rewarding. When it's all said and done, we get back on the horse and we get things done.

So, what prompted this blog? Why are we heartbroken and why are we questioning things today? Well, we have this grand plan to not mow this year. We have this plan to have our animals do most of the work for us. We have chickens in a tractor, quail in a tractor and ducks in a tractor that we move every day to have them eat grass, bugs etc....you know the routine. Where we can't get the tractors moved to, we move our goats behind electrified portable goat netting. We section off an area and let them go to town for an hour or so until they are full and then we put them back in their original areas. Jessie with Willie

Sounds like a good plan and how can you get a fatality out of this? Easy....don't pay attention to what area they are in. You see, where we had them today was in an area around our garden. The whole area is fenced off for the growing area, but where we planned to extend to, we put a lot of logs on the ground for a future hugelkulture bed. Any weeds, grass clippings, prunings etc go into the hugelkulture area to break down and feed the future garden sight. Unfortunately, it had grown over and we never noticed that where we threw some old potatoes to break down had ended up turning into plants. Potato tops are very poisonous to goats. Was it the potatoes for sure? We aren't sure, because there were morning glories growing in there too and there are a lot of volunteer plants etc in this area and we just let the goats have it and trim it down, fertilize the area and we thought it was a great plan.

An hour and a half after putting the goats back in to their area, our boy Willie (born on 4/20) was dead. We drenched him with activated charcoal, followed by milk of magnesia and babied him for at least an hour as he was having seizures. We scoured the internet for more solutions with his head in one hand and a phone in the other panically researching. Heartbreaking to say the least. But we held him and made him feel safe and dropped a few tears on him in the process.

We only have two male goats and they have their own area and those are the two that we let have the area to clear. His buddy's name is Joker (born on April Fools Day) and they acted like brothers. Loved each other but always on each other's nerves. Well, this is hitting Joker harder than we figured it would. Joker Laying Next To Willie's Body

You see, this lifestyle is a choice. We choose to do this and we choose to keep going. We have horrible heartbreaks and we keep moving on. We dig the hole....we keep going. Why? Joker Laying Next To Willie's Grave

I don't have an answer other than the fact that most of the time, the wins outweigh the losses. Maybe it's because it's one of those things that when you figure it out, it becomes part of you and in your blood. Maybe because homesteading really is all about life and death. Watching something being born knowing you're going to take it's life. Or watching a plant come to life and provide food so that it will die and give back to the land.

Maybe we're all just cowboys and we get back in the saddle and ride no matter what happens. I'm not sure. But what I am sure of, is this land and this life has had a lot of tears spilled all over it and there is no way I'm quitting now. There's too much invested. Too much life still to go. Ending a life either on purpose to feed ourselves or to watch one end in a tragic, heartbreaking way such as today is the absolute least favorite thing that we deal with. But, it's time to get back up and keep on keeping on....it's what we do.

Jessie Covered In Activated Charcoal Trying To Save Willie

And as this picture points out, we do our best to fake a smile, take a shower and saddle up.

May you have heartbreaks you learn from and know how to pick yourself back up and move on. Happy Homesteading everyone, regardless of the heartaches!!