Homeschooling vs Mainstream Schooling - Dilemma!!!
A child with differences/potential can often get bored in a mainstream school. My son for example loves to become immersed in anything that catches his attention to the point of obsession! He loves nothing more than to be able to educate you in the fullest way possible about his new passion and tell you everything that he has learned about the subject.
Unfortunately, this also has it’s polar opposite. If he finds a subject boring, he just will not listen or join in with completing the tasks that are set by the teacher and will produce no work during class time. He sees it as a waste of his brain activity and would rather daydream about his chosen subject, whether it be Xbox games or historical events that happened in London on 23rd April 1645! (I don’t actually know if anything happened on that date, it was just the first date that popped into my head xD)
Home-schooling was fun for both my son and I, however he soon began to miss being with other children his own age. I tried to take him to mingle with other kids, but there aren’t actually that many places where you can find older home-schooled children in the UK, especially not where I live.
So I agreed to let him go back to school despite my worries that he would not function as well as the other mainstream educated children. We are now in the 2nd year of senior school and my fears are being realised. His school report shows that his work is not up to scratch, in fact it has dramatically fallen since he started at the school. When I approached the teacher’s for help, I was told because he is intelligent and has the ability to learn, he would not be given any help or support because there are other children who need it more.
So now I face a dilemma… Do I let him continue to ‘fail’ at school for the next 4 years? Or do I remove him from school so that he can learn in the way he learns best, with support at home? I don’t feel that the school is able to offer him the space to be an individual and learn in his own way, and if he stays there following their way of learning, he will be told regularly that he is a failure. I do not want this for him, he is not a failure in my eyes, he just doesn’t fit into their pigeon holes. How important are GCSE’s? Do they really matter? When I spoke to school about my concerns, they said that as he will be starting his GCSE’s in September, they are hoping he will be better in class as he will have chosen the subjects he is interested in and he can drop the ones that don’t appeal.
When I broach the subject about taking him out of school, my son get’s upset as he has found a group of friends and enjoys the social aspect of school. So what do I do? Do I let him continue on at school enjoying the social time and hope that he decides to work in the subjects that he chooses for his GCSE’s? Or do I risk taking him out of school and him hating me forever, but him not failing at school? It is so hard being a parent!
Do you have any experience with homeschooling older children in the UK or elsewhere and have faced these issues? I would love to hear from you!
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Much love @beautifulbullies xx
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I homeschooled my five kids. My oldest son went to public high school in tenth grade, but everyone else finished out homeschooling (although they all went to a technical school part time for their last year or two of high school and did very well).
Parenting is SO hard... and the hardest part is that it feels like you never know for SURE that you're doing the right thing. Follow your heart. Listen to your son. If he is happy with friends at school, then just try to make sure he has resources to learn everything else that he wants to learn in his free time. I guess I don't know the answers for you, but I wanted to encourage you and let you know that you're not the only one who wonders "What is the right path to take?"
Good luck!
@byn
thank you for your kind words :) I think I will follow his lead for now, his happiness is paramount after all. Ifvit starts gecomming an issue we will have to revisit it I guess
The fact that you care so much and put this much thought and heart into it says a lot about your parenting. <3 I wish you the best.
@byn
thank you so much :)
Tough one... maybe you should let him decide and keep an eye on his performances. I hope u ll take the right decision! cheers @beautifulbullies
thank you :)
That does sound like a tough decision.. I don't have the experience in this, but even as a home educator, I'd be leaning on letting him stay in school, where he wants to be, and help in guiding him to pick the right subjects (for him) for his gcses. And if your concerns become a reality, couldn't you reevaluate with him again then?
Hope you get some better advice from anyone who might have been in the same shoes! All the best, lovely :)
Yes, I think that's the decision I am leaning towards too. I just hate him getting negativity from the teachers daily telling him he is failing, when in my eyes, they are failing him.
As a parent, I'd hate that too. How does your son feel about all of that?
Because of his additional needs, he doesn't seem to grasp that the school work is not optional and because he doesn't get any encouragement to work, he just sits and daydreams or lets his mind wander to other things. Telling him off is like water off a ducks back. I have asked him about school and how he feels about it, he doesn't enjoy the lessons at all, but he likes being with his friends.
This is a tough one momma 💜
I feel for you. And, give you cudos for reaching out for support on this one. Sounds like you have a bright sonshine in your good care. I hope you trust you can't do it 'wrong'. It sounds like you're on a similar path that i would take given this circumstance. I am so glad your boy is embracing and excersising his study skills on his own! That's wonderful!! In terms of school, if he is not bothered by the teachers and their antics, then trust him! He has the skills he needs! The marks will come in his time 💜 so what! If it takes him longer to get his marks up when he is read to choose his path? No harm done! The relationships he is enjoying with friends will likely stay with him a long time, if not his whole life. He will make his way. He may need to upgrade. No big deal, in my opinion. I dunno why the process is rushed so much. They grow up fast enough as it is. Hugs momma 💙
Enjoy your day! You've got this!!
thank you for your kind words! Yes, I think you are right, relationship building is much more important in life right now. thanks again :)
You're welcome girl 💜💛💚💙
👍👍👍 good choice to listen. Why do we second guess ourselves? My kido is in 8tg grade too. I think our sons are the same age. He is home schooled. We have lotsa challenges. Are those exams mandatory? Can't yourboy be exempt from them? Our schools do provincials. They are grueling tests.
yes they are mandatory if you attend a school, but not if you are home-schooled. It is such a complex age! All their hormones are going wild too, as well as trying to find their place in society, it is tough at this time in their lives!
yes they are mandatory if you attend a school, but not if you are home-schooled. It is such a complex age! All their hormones are going wild too, as well as trying to find their place in society, it is tough at this time in their lives!
Why not letting him go to school for social interaction and for his favorite subject you can teach him at home?
When he is at home, he teaches himself his favourite subjects. he tends to immerse himself in whatever he finds interesting until he knows pretty much everything there is to know about it. It is fantastic to see his passion come through when a subject takes his interest. So learning at home is not as structured as a school lesson, it doesn't need to be. We just work with what interests him naturally. So yes, we do still teach at home, but not in the same way as you would learn at school perhaps.
I think just let he stay at school if that's what he likes, as he still will learning his favorite subject at home.
school had big benefit for improve but still kids fallow to dreams :)
absolutely, I hope he does follow his dreams and I am sure he will be successful in life, no matter what path he chooses, I just want him to have a healthy outlook from his school life if he is to stay there for the next 4 years :)
Have you explained to your son why you want to homeschool? Maybe make it his choice in that he can either begin to particpate at school and start working or he will have to be homeschooled and not see his friends everyday. Maybe by explaining both angles fully he will reach the understanding that things cannot continue as they are and he has to pick the lesser of two evils. GCSE grades are asked about at every job interview. It depends what he wants to do in life.
Or maybe you could start there. What job does he want? What is the route to get there (apprenticeships, college, university etc). Then explain how GCSEs support that. Mayve having a goal will help.
that is a good idea. maybe if he sees it as black or white, he will grasp it a little better. thank you :)
I think all kinds of schooling is ok provided the individual is ready to learn. But i dont really buy the home schooling idea because its too comfortable and a school is suppose to be a place where you are qualified both in character and learning
It is 'supposed' to be, yes I agree! But what happens when it is not doing what it is supposed to do for your child?
Then you change the school till you get to a school that gives you the benefit of what you are paying for. There are schools everywhere with different strategies
But the whole point is that he wants to stay there because of the friends he has. If it were not for his friends, he would be homeschooled.
Why dilemma? Homeschooling is the best
because of the reasons I gave in the blog! My son wants to stay at school :/
your son is wise, follow his lead
yes I think I will do. I just hate the thought of school telling him he is failing constantly, but not helping him acheive what they expect from him :\
I home schooled my daughter in the first grade. I definitely prefer it, but, we ended up in private school because I was a single mom working a million jobs. Okay, maybe not a million, but, it sure felt like it!
I bet! Private schools are not cheap these days...if ever lol
It doesn't have to be insular you know ;D If he wants to keep going purely to see his friends and he literally could not care less about the actual work, could you pull him out and let him do his thing during school hours and then organise the friends and him to rotate through everyone's houses to do homework and hang out?
that is an interesting thought, I hadn't considered this! It is definitely something to think about and speak to him about. Thank you! :)
I hated school, I just wanted to go and do my own thing learning/listening to music etc. Now I look back I am glad I was not home schooled as I would have missed out on so much personal development that I needed.
I learned how to become a member of a group and move between social groups.
I had inspirational teachers that I learned from.
I had scary teachers that I learned from.
I learned boundaries and the rules in life to get you by socially.
I had my first girlfriend when I was thirteen. I was quite shy and it only happened because we were in same room all day.
I learned to become a judge of character rather than a judge of what someone has materially.
I made lifelong friends that I still have to this day.
We formed a band.
The list could go on and on.
I think school gives you priceless life lessons you can't get sitting on your own in the house and I think your lad knows that. He sounds like he is easily clever enough to get his GCSE's and go to school as well like most normal people do. I use the words most and normal because when you don't fit in with what most people do you can be singled out, which is just another life obstacle.
It's also about feeling accepted by your peers, being able to compete and grow with them too. For instance, you can't play kick about in the yard on a morning with your mates, you can't go on a school trip either if your at home. There is so much he will be denied in life by not going to a school.
@stugalaxy yes I completely take those things on board, thank you :) the only issue I have is that he is failing at school, even though he has the ability and the intelligence to do well.