Oh my God! Your last sentence is also my perspective; "anything I get is mine, anything I can't get wasn't meant for me". I don't do die or do affair in any situation whatsoever, I know that some lessons of life comes just to shape.

I can relate your pain and trauma when I also lost my beloved mother, till date it's as if she's on a journey that one day she will return. I'm glad that in all that you went through you didn't lose your focus, keep pushing for there's a light at the end of the tunnel my friend.
Best of luck in your entry