Disappeared Dreams
It has been more than a year and a half that he feels lonely every night when he picks her up. Silence and silence was all he felt. Especially when it rains, complete solitude. At most he watches soap operas or even goes to contests.
Her husband died three years ago. Her husband is the only friend who jokes, chats, vents and more than that provides warmth during the contest. Dear, her husband did not give offspring. In fact, the marriage has been more than seven years but she is not pregnant either. He even checked with a gynecologist secretly. The result was declared healthy.
His parents have returned to Wonogiri to enjoy their old age. The business of selling clothes has been handed over to him. He is accompanied by Ginah as a household assistant who also helps sell clothes and Pardi, his personal driver.
Now, he is thirty-three years old. It means to find a companion, it still longs for the love and warmth of men. With that companion, she hopes to be a real mother, giving birth to a child from her womb.
Lucky he joined the WA group "WONG WONOGIRI." There are quite a lot of members, especially the adults who come from the city. It was from WA that he met again with Parjo, his first love. He had become a widower after his wife died giving birth to his first child. The conversation with him moved from chat in the group to Japri.
One time he received a chact from him.
"Endang, what if our previous love continues again?"
"Do you mean Mr. Parjo we're getting married?"
"Well, yes. But I already have one child, what does Endang want?"
"Yo.., ora popo to.., in fact I like to play with friends. I can feel being a mother.”
"Then if we get together, does Endang want to stay in Wonogiri?"
"Yes..., I obey Mas Parjo. A wife must obey her husband."
His heart was beating, his heart was blooming like a flower showing off its beauty. The threads of love that were once embroidered will be woven back. Living with him in the land of his birth is no longer a beautiful daydream.
He envisioned beautiful moments with him. At that time, he was in first grade and he was in second grade of high school in his village. He is romantic, sociable and more than that he is really good at school. There are two girls who like him, Tini and Parni, but he prefers me. He said, my face looks like Widyowati, his favorite movie star. Quite a lot of good memories with him. A memory that has not been forgotten until now, the first kiss with him at Gajah Mungkur Reservoir. He held my hand tightly, walking down the path under the grove of trees on the edge of the reservoir. He stopped his steps under the mahogany tree, looking at me sharply.
"Endang, I love you, do you want to be my wife?"
That's the word I've been waiting for for almost a year dating him.
"I also love Mas Parjo."
"Endang, you haven't answered my question, do you want to be my wife?"
"Of course I want to. I would be very happy if I became Mas Parjo's wife."
He kissed my forehead softly and slowly kissed my lips. My eyes were closed, my body trembled as if I was hit by a 3 watt strum, my heart was beating hard. I was like flying in the sky, I almost fell if he didn't hold my body. The first kiss becomes a memory that will never fade away.
But the relationship with him was cut off because he had to follow the move of his parents who complained about their fate in Jakarta. He did not dare to go against his parents' wishes. He also gave up when fate determined that he was not his mate.
But in the course of his life when he became a widow at an age that was no longer young, the dream of happiness grew back. His prayer to obtain a life partner was granted by Him. In fact, by Him he was given a mate by his former lover.
"Oh God, You are truly Merciful."
Unlike usual, before heading to the contest, he wanted to see the night he usually hated. This time it felt different. The moon is accompanied by countless small stars that emit soft rays. He felt they gave him a smile. Also, he felt the animals of the night singing for him. The sounds of owls, toads, crickets and other nocturnal animals were melodious in his ears.
One month before the wedding day, almost every week he spends on various needs for himself, for her and also for the needs of the family he will build.
Three weeks before the wedding, he had transferred money for various wedding needs. Indeed, it has become a tradition for Javanese people that the cost of organizing a wedding is entirely borne by the woman. He wants his wedding to be held at the "Wedding Hall", the best meeting hall in Wonogiri that can accommodate a large number of guests. He has also ordered him to hire the best Event Organizer in Wonogiri.
That day, fifteen days before the wedding ceremony, he was so happy. He went with Pardi and Ginah to Wonogiri to prepare for his wedding.
Along the way, Parjo called himself several times.
"How far?"
"Just arrived at Tegal Mas."
"About what time until Wonogiri?"
"Morning Mas, around 07.00 an."
"Be careful on the road, tomorrow morning around 09:00 I'll be at my mother's house."
In the morning, he promptly came to his house by riding a motorcycle. A bandage was seen on his left hand.
"Mas Parjo, why is he left-handed."
"After taking the remittance from the bank, Mas Parjo was robbed by two people in the middle of the street. Lucky at that time someone helped Mas Parjo. They managed to injure Mas Parjo's hand, but they didn't manage to take the money."
"How is our marriage going?"
"Yes.., still continue."
The wedding took place as scheduled. The event was lively, there were quite a lot of guests. Smiles spread to the guests who gave congratulations.
"Congratulations Endang, you can finally marry Mas Parjo." Tini said.
"Thank you Tini."
"Congratulations Endang, I envy you. Her boyfriend can't get her widower." Parni said.
"Thank you Parni."
The honeymoon, as he had planned, took place at Gajah Mungkur Reservoir. The two walked hand in hand down the path towards the mahogany tree. They stopped right under the mahogany tree, looking at the picture of the sign of love that had been carved into the tree. The image is still visible although it is getting fainter. The two looked at each other and smiled. He cupped his hands and looked into her eyes.
"Endang, actually the wound on Mas Parjo's left hand is not much, but the robber's kick that hit the crotch was scary. Mas Parjo has been sentenced by the doctor to be unable to fulfill his obligations as a husband."
He was surprised to hear his speech. It's so quick that the bride's night is spent without a flirtation from her. He just said very accomplished.
"Let's sit there," he said, pointing to an empty bench not too far away. They also sat on the bench whose color was already dull.
"Endang, should we continue the marriage or should we stop until here."
For a few moments he was silent.
"Mas Parjo, our marriage continues. Endang is already happy with Mas Parjo."
But there has actually been a struggle in his heart whether the marriage should continue or be stopped. Mas Parjo is no longer able to give offspring, why should a marriage be extended?
God has destined the man of her first love to be her husband but God has also destined her not to have children from him. He really didn't know what the secret was behind it all.
He rested his head on her shoulder and soon fell asleep in her lap. She still hopes that one day her husband can flirt with her and sow seeds in her womb.
rpen Essay: Bambang Winarto
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BAMBANG WINARTO was born in Magelang on June 15, 1954. After graduating from SMAN Kendal, he studied at the Faculty of Forestry - Bogor Agricultural Institute (1974-1978). Obtained a Master of Management (MM) degree in Agribusiness from Gajah Mada University in 1993. Worked at the Ministry of Forestry 1979-2010.
He actively writes various articles about forestry in forestry magazines. THE DICTIONARY OF FORESTRY is a phenomenal work that foresters hold. Currently working on writing short stories and poetry.
Botanical Garden Residence F-23 Ciomas, BOGOR.