Towards Mental Wellness: Resentment is Not a Good Thing to Carry Around!

Some people seem to relatively easily let go of old slights, hurts and wrongs.

However, the vast majority of us tend to struggle a bit in this area. But after a while we end up gradually forgetting why we were insulted or hurt in the first place, and then we move on with our lives.

Sometimes clients come to see me because they say they're still ”being eaten up” by old resentments that may date back decades, but that they just cannot let go of.

The thing about these old hurts we sometimes have is that they ”take up important usable space in our hearts and minds” and even though we may not be aware of it, they have a sneaky way of getting in the way of — and directly interfering with — our ability to form healthy relationships with other people in our current situation.

In this case, the psychological idea of transference applies to transferring how we feel about certain situations based on what happened in the past onto people who are part of our present and actually had nothing to do with the situation that was originally causing pain.

Those among us who tend to hold on to old hearts often have a great deal of trouble with our relationships.

Most of the time, we find ourselves hurt and confused all over again because we aren't entirely sure why we seem stuck in a pattern where a lot of people — both friends and lovers — seem to leave us after a while.

The simple — and possibly very obvious — truth is that these people are living in your present, and you may be inadvertently accusing them of actions and behaviors that only actually existed in your past.

So how do we learn to let go of these wrongs from the past?

Although it may sound like a cliché, the healing tends to begin with simple awareness.

When we become aware that we are in fact "reacting to a memory," rather than responding to the present moment, we can be a little more self-aware and notice when we are headed towards a certain reactive behavior. This awareness allows us to take a moment, perhaps take a deep breath, and remind ourselves that we are actually in a completely new situation, not a repetition of the past.

And that becomes the first step on the road to a happier life!

Thanks for visiting, and Bright Blessings to all!

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