You Are Magic

_{She indeed is! a picture from three years ago}

I had a sudden or maybe not-so-sudden realisation today...

I intend to keep this as short as possible. I'm not going to lecture you on parenting. Bear with me if I include my personal reflections and get carried away in the process. I have a tendency to do so.

Erm.. a little context; My younger daughter has always been a free spirit, I think, from her very first breath. She was a little premature on birth and had to be rushed to a nearby hospital's nursery because the one she was born in, was not equipped enough for her needs. (It was one long, dreadful journey for my husband who escorted her to hospital in ambulance.)

The next day, the doctor in the nursery met my husband at the entrance and said, "You have one resilient baby girl. We didn't think she would make it till morning." He further mentioned, "She is the tiniest among the other preemies but the biggest fighter in the lot. She is not ready to give up." And from then on, she has been bringing utmost joy to our lives.

_{I could almost hear her laughter from this one}

I have described her love for dressing up and accessories in one of my previous writings (if anyone has come across it).

She is the personification of "joy". One happy-go-lucky type of kid —Enjoying the littlest things, making big deal out of smallest occasions, having certain "goodnight" rituals. She has to kiss me and her father goodnight in a very specific way. For me it's: "good good good good goody night and kiss on both cheeks" (four goods and one goody— always and always); for the father: three goody-s and one good night with two kisses on each side! I don't know from where she came up with this goodnight song of hers.

Sometimes when I'm annoyed with her and would bid her goodnight in one simple phrase, she would look at me with those big puppy eyes of hers — pleading to let her complete her ritual. I always give in. I love to give in.

_{Always radiating joy!}

...but recently she has been changing a lot. She is losing her joyful character, her vibrant essence. She is not that light-hearted anymore...
It had me thinking : WHY???

What could be the factors? Are we being overly parent-y? Am I dictating her too much? I'm not bonding enough with her? Or this world has started showing it's bitter side to her?

I may have some answers but mostly I'm feeling a bit blue. I think I heard somewhere that children are like sponges. They absorb every instruction, directions or information, and may retain it in their conscious or subconscious. They may act like they are not listening but they are not very good at filtering the input. In the long run, it does effect their thinking and personality.

_{credit: @event-horizon}

So what do I do? We are bound by certain cultural boundaries, and then there are also external pressures, such as the grading system in schools and behavioral expectations from society and so forth and so on. And we, as parents, have a duty to tell them right from wrong. We have to protect them from so many things; emotional and physical.

The other day she came home depressed over some girl. According to her, she was behaving in some very unreasonable and hurtful way. This has been going on for quite some time. So eventually, I gave her the lesson of tit for tat. I didn't ask her to behave nicely or teach her the importance of goodness and all. Rather, I told her:

" She ignores you, you ignore her. And then if she (the other girl) realizes her mistake, you should also let go. Because neither of you is mature enough to see things in the light of a bigger picture. You two are, but kids. "

You may find my method wrong. You can find countless books, forums, and endless guidelines on parenting, respectful parenting, and everything under the umbrella of this topic. But you have to do what you have to do! Ultimately, it's your kid, and he or she will never fit into some fixed parenting style. I have nothing against these books or forums as such; one may or may not benefit from them. However, my ideology is that you have to bend, mold, and remold certain criteria. You have to give your 101 percent, and even then, things will go sideways. They are bound to go sideways.

I have been digging through her old photos all day long. (Thanks to Google backup; I have yet to buy more storage. It's been nagging me for months). And in every single picture of her, the lens has captured her uninhibited, playful and cheerful side. Believe me when I say each one of it! I got so emotional that I had to make Instagram reel of these memorable pictures (an archive for future) and captioned it:

you are one of your own kind. I wish with all my heart and soul that you never lose your vibrant essence and liveliness. May the bitterness of this world never stain you in any way. May you keep smiling and painting this world with your beauty!