Butterfly Moments
Every now and again, I watch my mom’s memorial service. I have done this a few times since she passed in June 2020, and much like I pondered the last time I did it – I don’t really know why. I suppose I just feel the need to connect with her on some level. Feel her presence or something like that.
Not long after she was gone, I was invited to have dinner out with one of her art students. To my knowledge (at the time) I had never met this student before, but my mom had talked of her often. Honestly, I was a little nervous to meet with her – but she had shown so much love to me throughout it all, bringing roses and wine to my house long after the memorial and then that invitation. I felt I simply had to put the hermit in me to one side and go. I did.
It was such an incredible evening, and as it turned out – the student was actually an old client of mine. She had written several articles for my magazine many years back; just, I had never met her in person. We spoke about so much that evening and one of the things I told her was that it really bugged me that I could not feel my mom’s presence. This may seem like an odd thing to express, but for me it was anything but. My mom was my best friend. There was not a facet of my life which she was not a part of.
My entire life, I have been incredibly sensitive and receptive to the spiritual (or energetic if you will) aspect of life – or death, if you prefer. I have been witness to those passed in physical form so many times I lost count a very long time ago. I have been woken by the voices and messages of people I have never met and have fallen asleep to visions of events unfolding in the lives of complete strangers. As a little girl of five, I can recall lying in my bed listening to so many voices talking in my room – I tried so hard to understand what they were all saying, but they spoke a different language. I have felt spirit work through me for as long as I have had breath.
I am not sure if you know what Psychometry is? In short, it is the reading of a person, their emotions – energies and history through a material object which they have been in regular contact with. A ring someone wears on their finger as an example – which was actually the “object” in my case. In my early twenties, I joined a one year psychic development course. It really was one of the most mind blowing courses I have ever attended! When signing up for it, I met with the teacher – a woman who ended up becoming a friend. As I learnt over the years, her psychic abilities were almost haunting to her. In that first meeting though, she took the engagement ring off my finger and held it in her hand.
After a little time, she began to cry. This was incredibly awkward as I am sure you can imagine. I had never met this woman before in my life. She looked me dead in the eye and told me ”you are carrying the weight of burden on your shoulders for people you have not even met yet”. I acutely recall the sucker punch impact that statement had on me. It was almost a relief to hear it though – as hard as that reality was to process. I know I am a psychic sponge – an empath. Something I have lived with my entire life. Having another person "see" that - meant more than a lot to me.
However, a battle really, in many instances – I will feel a certain way, know it has NOTHING to do with me – question the person I assume it is related to… and then human denial steps in. “No, I am perfectly fine… what are you on about?!” is what I get dealt. They have no CLUE how much that skewed truth impacts me. I sit there, confused further because I know the emotions I am feeling are not my own, but the other persons negation makes me doubt and question myself. In most instances, it eventually comes out at their will, which is great because I can find a “home” for those feelings, but no less frustrating having had to go on a rollercoaster ride which I “thought” I knew why, but was denied that confirmation.
As a teen, I began observing my dreams. We have had a few psychics in our family – which I know of… One being, my grandfather from my dad’s side and an aunt from my mother’s side – My mom once mentioned how my great aunt used to analyse her dreams and that this practice really helped to fine tune her abilities. I listened to that advice and began trying to remember everything I could about my dreams. It did not come easy at first, but got easier as the weeks turned into months. Eventually, this morning practice was almost unconscious action and yet, the detail I could recall was incredible.
I suppose it became a little bit of an addiction, because it really DID work! Over the next few years I noticed that I was “internally prompted” about most things – just prior to them actually unfolding. If the train on the way home from college was going to break down or be late – I knew it ten minutes prior. If there was danger approaching me – I sensed and saw it before it happened. If someone was going to lie about something in a conversation, I would get that memo too. It was the most incredible learning curve! I am not entirely sure why I ever derailed from it – I suppose recreational habits were most likely to blame. They may enhance certain aspects of your “self”, but they numb so many more. It was something I held so much gratitude for, but I lost my grip on it – until a few years ago, when I decided to try and regain what I previously worked so hard at attaining.
It was for reasons such as the above that it really bugged me that I could not feel my own mothers presence after she passed. I have not only been naturally perceptive to this kind of thing my entire life, but have also put a fair amount of time and effort into the “tuning” of such. The student I referred to earlier… the one I had dinner with, put my mind at ease with her explanation of the “potentials” of where my mom was probably standing at that point in time. She was not a soul which was at peace and I have a basic understanding for what that means when crossing.
I have thought about all of this a lot in the almost year since my mom left, and as much as I am a person which pays attention to detail, I don’t generally entertain the “airy fairy” crap – BUT, some time back when I was still staying with my dad, I noticed that when I sat outside in the garden – in the spot which my mom used to sit most mornings with Jude, watching the birds with binoculars… there has been a black butterfly which would fly around me in an almost annoying manner. I paid little mind to it, but won’t deny the fact that the thought of my mom crossed my mind.
The other day however, was something I could not ignore. I walk basically every single morning, but this morning’s walk had a somewhat different scent and energy. Perfect really.
As I began heading home, I took a few photos which I have shared in this post. I was not planning to walk any further, but I suddenly felt the “want” to. I headed toward a route which I have never taken before and it was incredible. As I began walking down the dirt roads I noticed a black butterfly hovering around my face – well, “noticed” was polite of me. It was annoying me truth be told, because I was trying to take photos.
I continued walking. It followed me. Probably 30 minutes of extra walking and for perhaps 3+ km it followed me… ALL the way to our gate… at which point I smiled and realised, perhaps she is actually with me. Butterfly or not… it made me think. Made me think about the love of my mother, how her selfless nature impacted so many lives – including my own. It made me contemplate that we are never alone, no matter how lonely we may feel. It made me appreciate that despite current situation, we can always seek a way forward. I was blown away by the fact that this one butterfly, joined me for such a distance - Beautiful really.
Who knows it’s significance… perhaps nothing more than the wonder of mother nature, but then again, possibly so much more.
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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I feel you!
I didn't skip a word while reading this...
Psychic abilities, dreams, intuitions... Different form of energies only felt by sensitive people.
For others, they are just a figment of imagination.
I won't say I'm well versed in the area or I have done some course. But I definitely feel these time to time.
I really can perceive the vibe of another person and the moment I smell malice, I walk miles away!
I believe in the power of dreams too. I can remember some from my very early childhood... They are definitely a gateway to some mystical world... They are not just some random collection of subconscious thoughts.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I hope you see more of her in your dreams.
TEAM 1
Congratulations! This comment has been upvoted through steemcurator04. We support quality posts , good comments anywhere and any tags.You are omnipresent @o1eh :D
I am there, where there is something interesting to read :)
I would really like to support your extremely high quality posts, but since you don't do Power Up (which you have the right to do), I can't do it with a steemcurator account.
Good to know :D
I appreciate the honesty @o1eh and it is no problem. I write because I enjoy it, and I am just glad that my content is appreciated... but my settings are on 50/50 because I do actually utilize a portion of my earnings to contribute toward keeping the roof over our head... so I don't really have the option to power up 100% unfortunately.
Such is life :)
Wishing you a wonderful Friday and weekend ahead! x
TEAM 1
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted through steemcurator04. We support quality posts , good comments anywhere and any tags.Thank you very much, I really appreciate it greatly!
I understand you perfectly. For example, in the Ukrainian community, for obvious reasons, there are only a few people who can afford to do Power Up.
I think that's the beauty of Steem, when you do something you love, I mean blog, and then you can buy something or do something meaningful because of it.
On the other hand, I understand the Steemit team's decision. After most migrated to Hive, there were very few accounts left to support author posts. Therefore, the Steemit team primarily supports those authors who build their account so that in the future they can also provide support to other authors.
But you yourself see that you have such cool posts that they are supported in spite of everything 🙂
I have always shared that sentiment and always thought how wonderful it was that it could literally transform lives. South Africa may not have the catastrophic circumstance which many other places currently sit with, but it is definitely no walk in the park either and as beautiful as it is...surviving here is not for the fain hearted, lol!
I totally understand and respect that and if and when my situation were ever to change, then I would absolutely do that too - as I always did previously. And I do hope that this becomes the case in the future.
I am extremely grateful for that <3 and it warms my heart to know that reward is given to content creators for their effort and quality, not just platform support - though, even at 50/50 the support is still there :)
This space is very lucky to have people like yourself @o1eh
Hope you are having a wonderful weekend!
Thank you, you are very kind. Your story with the butterfly made me think a lot. I wish that the butterfly never leaves you :)
Hi @soulfuldreamer <3
Thank you so much for such a lovely comment and also for taking the time to read my post - I know it was a long one, so I am glad you enjoyed it - and connected with it!
I don't think anybody needs a course or any kind of teaching (though it can assist to enhance things I suppose) but I believe we are all born with this intuition, just some of us are more tuned into it naturally I guess.
Oh yes, yes yes! Dreams are indeed VERY fascinating! For instance, the night before last, I woke up three separate times in one night having had three different dreams each time, but in each dream there was this name "Aaron" that kept featuring. It has baffled me, because I do not know anybody with that name (not that I am aware of anyway) and for it to come up three times?!!! It must mean something, but I have no clue what, lol!
Thank you sweetie! And I will be heading over to your post shortly.
I enjoyed this you shared and can relate very well. :-)
Thank you very much for the feedback and for taking the time to read it. Glad you could connect :)