To what extent are we truly and fully ourselves, on our journeys through life? Do we feel free to be just that, or do we inevitably end up "self-censoring?"

Just to be clear: I'm not talking about being deliberately boorish or engaging in outlandish behavior for no purpose other than to provoke reactions and outrage! I'm just talking about being authentic.

Being authentic sounds really good, doesn't it?

But it also comes with certain "risks." And those risks might be quite subtle... or we may be aware of them, and consequently, they stand in the way of our true selves coming to life.

I remember my friend Jon from some 25 years ago, in the infancy of online dating sites. Jon had "flown solo" for quite a while, in part because he was somewhat of a nerdy developer who was always working. Nonetheless, he decided to try to find a girlfriend.

He was rather cautious and spent a lot of time genuinely studying women's profiles and sincerely considering which ones seemed compatible. Well, and his self-esteem started showing, because he would also factor in (his imaginary version of) whether he thought there was "a chance in hell" the women might respond to him.

I guess he somewhat confided in me because I was somewhat recently divorced and had started dating again.

Whereas I honored the fact that Jon was being cautious, I discovered something — actually a couple of things — telling, very quickly.

For one, even though he did all this "research," he never contacted any of his top picks... only the ones somewhat down the list who "somewhat" fit what he was hoping for.

It took me a while to pull it out of him, but it became evident that felt like he could deal with being rejected by someone who wasn't his top pick, anyway... but couldn't face rejection by the women who seemed "almost perfect."

Whereas I wasn't about to become his "therapist" or emotional wetnurse, I tried to convince him it was a bad approach. Of course he didn't budge...

The other thing I noticed was that he wasn't willing to "fully disclose" himself. Not because he was trying to hide any negative characteristics, but just to make himself come across as "less than" all of himself.

And it wasn't because he was this imposing or intimidating person, either.

I "went around the block" with him on that one, a few times... because it was something I recognized in myself, from the past... again related to the fear of rejection.

It's easier to "deal with" someone rejecting you on the grounds of something that isn't that important to you, but being rejected for who you TRULY and FULLY are hurts a lot more.

I could relate, of course... having recently been broken up with by someone I thought was amazing, and to whom I had "shown myself" after which she confessed she preferred to "keep things light and superficial and fun" in relationships. It was one of those situations that "cut both ways" because she was exceptionally intelligent and wise beyond her years (so she was "masking," like Jon) and decided that someone who might actually be her "equal" was not for her.

Took me a while to get over that! As for Jon, I tried to help him for maybe six months, after which I begged off as "dating coach" because he was more interested in having his (dubious) choices validated than in actually finding a truly compatible girlfriend.

Of course, Jon ended up marrying his perfect gamer/nerdgirl whom he met at work, a couple of years later... by the time I left Texas in 2006, they had a couple of kids and were still going strong!

The moral — and upside — of this story is that Jon was unashamedly and fully himself with the woman he ended up marrying... and she was absolutely nothing like any of the women he was looking at on those old dating sites.

Being yourself does take a kind of courage... the courage to know and embrace that you'll probably be "too much" for the majority of the people who cross your path on your journey through life. And that's OK!

It's actually far better to be almost everything to a few, than to try to be "somewhat acceptable" to a large crowd!

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great Friday!

How about you? Do you have the courage to be fully and authentically yourself? Or do you mask and hide part of yourself? If so, what do you fear might happen? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — Not posted elsewhere!)

Created at 2024.02.23 00:47PST
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