Better Life: A Sudden Change of Direction

I'm told there are lots of people who go through life with a very strong sense of "direction," always knowing pretty much what they want to do... and how they are going to get there.

I'm not one of those people.

I don't think I ever was one of those people.

My first major change of direction came when I was about 30 years of age. Up until that point, I had pretty much walked "the straight and narrow" path that had mostly been laid out for me by family expectations, rather than by myself.

I found myself "suddenly being somewhere" where I was working in the IT industry, doing something I wasn't sure why I was doing, in a marriage I was not sure why I was in, with a house and a mortgage and debt I wasn't sure why I even had.

I remember quite distinctly the moment in which I was suddenly thinking to myself "is this REALLY all there is to life?"

Of course, I had been too well "conditioned" to just freak out and do something random and irresponsible. Even so, my ex at the time was very angry when I declared that I wanted to see a therapist.

I just wanted to talk to someone who wasn't going to be invested in pushing their agenda onto me.

Nothing dramatic actually happened... except for the fact that I learned how to think more for myself, rather than eternally being focused on how to "not rock the boat" of everyone around me.

Of course, those around me were not happy that I suddenly seemed to have developed opinions of my own, and wasn't as willing to be manipulated and pushed around.

Groups of people operate by an interesting set of dynamics. One of those is the strange tendency of a group to try to keep itself coherent, even if doing so doesn't do any good for anyone in the group.

My ex and I were part of a group of couples that regularly hung out and we all considered ourselves good friends.

Although I am — by no figment of anyone's imagination — any kind of "thought leader," I was the first one in the group to not only quit my high stress job, but also to separate in my marriage. And that's where the whole group dynamic came to the forefront... within 12 months, all but one of six couples were divorced, and five of the twelve people total had done a complete 180-degree turn on their work lives.

This was the time at which I first chose independence.

It was independence, in the sense of starting to work for myself, and it was independence from familial and societal pressures to "comply" with a certain way of being.

I have subsequently changed direction multiple times since then... in part because I learned that you do not die when you suddenly go off in a direction that fits you but doesn't fit into other people's sense of reality.

I hasten to add that this is not about being someone who doesn't care about others. But it does mean choosing to be authentically yourself over enabling someone else's sense of reality.

My most recent "major change of direction" came when I uprooted my well established life in Austin, Texas and traveled 2,200 miles across the country to a place where I felt I would be happier... with no particular plan in mind.

18 years later, I have no regrets! But at the time I moved, virtually everyone around me thought it was a terrible idea, and that I would hate my life once I got here. Of course, those insinuations were based on the fact that my choice of where to move to wouldn't fit their sense of a good place, and had nothing to do with my sense of where I would be happy.

Funny how often your friends actually don't what what's best for you; they want what's best for them!

So, have I changed, as a result of the changes I have made?

I expect primarily in the sense that I am a lot less fearful about doing what feels right for me in life. And I think that's a good thing, on the whole. And it ends up informing many other aspects of my world... including the sorts of friendships I keep...

Don't be afraid of change that might make you happier in life!

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!

How about you? Have you ever major major changes of "direction" in your life? How did it work out for you? Would you do t again? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — Not posted elsewhere!)

Created at 2024.03.13 00:58 PDT
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