What should I do with my painful feelings? Should I give them space, or do something else?

in Project HOPE11 months ago

Throughout the last 7 months, we have been following the life of a six-year-old boy who got a tumor in his brain. I didn't know him, but I got frequent updates from my wife about what was going on with him. Then, a couple of weeks ago I remember my wife came and told me one evening that he was getting worse (once again), and I got this feeling on my inside - he is about to die very soon. I have had the same feeling one time earlier as I visited a person in the hospital that had been fighting cancer for a long time. Normally we would be speaking and praying, and then I would leave with my wife and just say goodbye. But, that time, I told her - I will see you later... and I have a feeling that both she and I did know that when I said it this time, it was not about meeting in the hospital again, but about meeting in the eternity. I somehow knew this was the end.

And that is also what I felt when my wife told me about the latest report about the six-year-old boy.

I was lying in bed just looking at the ceiling. It was painful. I didn't know what to do.

And that is when I remember telling my wife. It would be easy for me to calm down. I would just need to jump out of bed and go to my computer, and I would be able to distract myself from the painful feelings!

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Source: Pixabay

And then came Christian Eriksen

I love football and I was (of course) watching the match between Denmark and Finland. But, then suddenly everything changed. Christian Eriksen collapsed on the field, players were running to his aid, then came the doctor, the players covered Christian Eriksen so that the cameras wouldn't see what was going on. The players were crying, the wife of Christian Eriksen came onto the ground and was comforted by Kasper Schmeichel and Simen Kjar, and it all became so unreal. It was painful to watch. Was a football player going to die in front of 20,000 spectators in Copenhagen and millions of TV viewers, including myself? Watching the pain of the players, the audience... it was devastating. And I felt it on my inside once again. It was painful! It was dreadful.

The Danish team lost the match later that evening, but I am convinced that losing a match in an international tournament has never meant so little. The Danish team won! The Danish were the victors! They got their friend back (his heart stopped and the doctor had to use a defibrillator to get him back), and in such a situation, who cares about losing or winning against Finland?

But, what should I do with my painful feelings?

But, the real topic here was... what should I do with those painful feelings? Should I let them in and actually feel the pain and maybe be unable to sleep for some hours? Or would it be better to escape those feelings and play a computer game or just watch crypto charts instead?

Life isn't always easy, and I do know that you need to allow pain and suffering into your heart as well.

What do you do in such situations? How do you deal with pain, suffering, and similar feelings?

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Greetings @unbiasedwriter no doubt "Life is not always easy, and I know you must also allow pain and suffering to enter your heart" is a phrase loaded with a lot of reality and sometimes unexpected moments come to remind us how short and fragile life can be. Thank you for your contribution

Going through painful moments is inevitable in life, and sometimes we can get to feel when we have to separate from a loved one, it has happened to me and it is the heart who warns you. In those moments I think we have to pray a lot and let our feelings flow in order to overcome the moment and move forward.

hello @unbiasedwriter,
One of the things I believe is that in life you have to be as empathetic as possible and it is normal to feel anguish for the things we see every day, but what is not normal is to feel pain for those things we have no control over, life has its own dynamics and this usually does not adapt to our lives as they say "give me the patience to accept what I must accept and give me the courage to act on what I must act on" then let me see the difference.

 11 months ago 

It is inevitable to feel or have these types of feelings, while I was reading about the child I also felt pain, I would lie to you if it wasn't so, when we are parents we know what it is like to have a sick child and when someone even if I don't know them has a sick child it also gives me that feeling of pain knowing that I can't do anything.

the only way not to feel anything is if we don't have blood in our veins.

When I am hit with uncertainty I try to take a step back and actually feel the pain in my head. Imo this is the one of best way to cope with such situation. Taking a step back lets you analyze the circumstance you are in and you will eventually realize that there are people in this world that have situations worse than you.

 11 months ago 

@tipu curate 5

Thanks for the thought... but tipu still doesn't want to tip my posts here, so I guess you can give it to someone else! :)

Give it to me! hahahaha! (I couldn't help saying it, sorry)

We can't have it all smooth in life, there are days when some really painful feelings will surface and we may be completely helpless about doing anything about it, it is just best not to allow the painful feelings get the best part of us as we try to get busy with some other things that will take the terrible feelings away.

The case of ekrisen really touched me and in just a moment, I discovered we need to show love to our loved ones because no one can even predict what will happen next second

In relation to pain, you just learn to deal with it, as simple as that. There is no formula for it, you just learn from what happens, assume that situation and carry it as best you can, give the best as a person and human being. If the situation is something very close to you, you can give "light" to that person while he/she lives, giving him/her pleasant moments while understanding that "that is the best we can do". I had a cousin who died of cancer at the age of 12, very unfortunate because she died in the "flower" of life.
Commented by @hojaraskita

The feeling of pain, that one that you can't do anything about hurts, I still remember before a month I guess, when the war between Palestine and Israel started and since I live in the country that's just next to them then I must see the news everywhere, I was scared of what would happen next but that's not actually the problem, the problem was the pain inside my heart seeing brutally killed children almost every minute each night, it really hurts but at last I decided to take time off from social media so I won't be seeing the news every day and start concentrating again on my life.

I obviously watched it too (I'd captained Eriksen) and couldn't believe what I was seeing. To watch on live TV as somebody dies. As they zoom in to watch his body jolt as the defibrillator is administered in an effort to bring him back to life. Just hoping and praying that he'd get up and be ok. I had to watch, I had to know that he was ok. But there was no doubt the TV coverage should have stopped. And then his wife. Fuck me. They showed his wife, live, being comforted whilst her husband is dead on the pitch, being brought back to life. I was in tears. And I was so fucking angry. Whoever was in charge of the TV footage that thought "cut to his grieving wife"... I don't have the words. I'm still so fucking angry that they did this. Really, really angry. Can you tell?

What to do with painful feelings? Accept them is the 1st thing for me. Distracting yourself will postpone those feelings and you might find that when they hit you hard (which they inevitably will), others will have moved on and your support might not be there. Accept them, but don't dwell on them. Remember that if somebody is in your thoughts and in your heart, they'll always be with you ❤

Its hard sometimes how reality hits us these are certain life challenges every individual always prepare themselves, against life horrible feeling.

It was a painful scene that day im glad the doctors did their best.

The truth is its not easy to easily let go of such feeling but what i tried doing in such situations i tried to get myself engage as much as i can i try listing to christian uplifting music too i tried not to be alone just go out and talk to my friends about my feelings.

I wrote about the Eriksen issue as I was left dumbfounded following his collapse. I have been praying for him to get better, this is really a bad situation for him right now, I heard he is recovering, I hope he recovers fast.

The boy case really touches me too, but what can we do? We are helpless, we all shall depart this world someday and till then we just have to keep moving.

To deal with your current stage try to go out and engage with people, I know think that will help.

I am lucky to have a family and a wife to whom I can speak about everything, and she is of great support. She also sees it at once when I am worried or something is wrong, so she is a great partner in that kind of way !:)

Life is not easy, and we were never promised that it would be easy.

I, too, watched the Denmark-Finland match... and I observed later that I stopped caring what the score was.

My wife and I have both been in/around the mental health field for many many years, and one of the common pieces of wisdom is experience your feelings. We humans are very good at deflecting difficult feelings by "getting busy" and such... but those feelings are real and honest. What happens if we shove them in the background is that we end up with something known as "unexperienced emotions." And they can become like ticking time bombs in our hearts and souls... until one day something else happens and we suddenly have an uncomfortably large reaction to a relatively small event, and we don't understand why... and people look at us and say "what's WRONG with you???"

It's much easier to permit yourself an afternoon or a day to be sad and reflective than to suppress it and suddenly need actual therapy in five years' time!

Thank you for the comment and for your advice! I guess that is what I know deep down inside is the best thing to do, but it doesn't feel easy:)

I greatly appreciate your comment, your thoughts, and the experience (from your work) that you shared!

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