How to win friends and influence people of Dale Carnegie. Get others to think like you
IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO WIN AN DISCUSSION
Chapter 3 Part 1
Get others to think like you
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Unnecessary discussions.
The power of communication is so vast that if we paid careful attention to it we could avoid so much waste of time in unnecessary discussions, but unfortunately they occur in everyday life between people. I have said it in previous analyses that the human being is the most imperfect on the planet, he likes complication and always wants to win because losing would mean failure, in general it is like that, with certain exceptions I must admit.
Feel like a winner by avoiding discussion.
Culturally, there has been a conception for thousands of years that we should always win and never be losers. Today concepts have changed, here is the detail that many people find difficult to open their minds to changes and are very attached to the habit, the author presents here a different way to feel like a winner by avoiding discussion; being sincere, nothing easy but it is worth to put it into practice, because it is true that when we want to give our reason we get so engrossed that we spend energy, we are exhausted and, on the contrary, a victory should leave you calm, relaxed and not tired, even worse, at enmity with another; this cannot mean winning.
Do you like to lose?
Then let us modify our behavior a little by understanding what the true meaning of winning is in these times. Certainly you ask anyone right now Do you like to lose? They answer a resounding NO, it's the custom; but if you put into practice this way of conducting a conversation starting with "listening" waiting for your turn, everything can improve considerably, humanly speaking it costs a lot if I accept it, especially when we are sure we are right and even then we must give it to someone else just to avoid discussion.
"Avoiding discussions".
I am going to start with myself because, in practice, I can argue many times expressing my point of view or my disagreement on some subject, mainly when it is with someone who is wrong. Well in my constant learning here I have another personal challenge "to avoid discussions", but do not put in front of me a socialist (I need to joke a while) with the truth.
"We agree.
On the other hand I think it is a mistake to say "we agree" because in a business like this you need two equal ideas, as the author says; then I get rid of one. I agree with that we do not think alike because we simply have unique minds and that makes us different. But in this case to give the reason to another one is not simply because I have it or I am right, it is just a way for the relationships to flow much better giving the time to each one to express himself and the space and time so that in the way by himself he can realize if he was wrong, I do not have to make understand to anybody through a discussion that he is wrong.
Easy to understand but difficult to implement.
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Hello friend @lanzjoseg, certainly sometimes it is difficult not to get angry hehe I say this from experience, almost always we want to be right and do not think clearly or let the other person give us his point of view, but as you say is something we can change, we must listen and know that not everyone can think like us!
@tipu curate
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I love the point you raised about arguments, I use to be someone who loves to argue a lot until I realized I was hurting my relationship in the process and I decided to change, that change has earned me more respect and a better relationship with my partner also.
Every time we avoid wasting time in unnecessary discussions we should feel like winners, I think that is the moral. Greetings my dear friend @lanzjoseg
Greetings friend @lanzjoseg. Certainly we all want to win an argument, and sometimes that desire to make it clear that we are right makes us deaf to the other person's point of view, which is surely as valid as ours from their perspective. Learning to listen and to put yourself in the other person's shoes is essential so that discussions do not end up being an irreconcilable fight but a way to reach some kind of agreement.