Entry Steem Inspiration Contest: Freedom?

wakeupkitty.pal (69)Friendin Steem Inspiration • 3 years ago (edited)

@supo01 thank you for inviting me. I appreciate it.

Photo is made by me

Freedom

Does freedom exist or is it more like a feeling? By now worldwide we experience a lack of freedom no matter where we live. Freedom is taken away from us by governments because of a pandemic. Because 2% of the population ending up on the IC. If they are lucky of course because IC beds are rarely meant for the poor, elderly, and today those not being infected by a coronavirus.

My Childhood

The dirtiest taste in my mouth I get if I think back of my childhood. My parents are far from loving caring people. My mother is a monster and loves to molest, humiliate everyone around her. A mental institution might have done her good and if not jail would be the place for her to be. But different times, different treatments. My father saved himself and left, went abroad. His goodbye words "take good care of your mother".

Both my parents are the worst parents you can imagine. They didn't fit together. White, rich spoiled girl x black, poor, narcissist = fights 24/7 = misery.

I was raised in the old fashioned way. Washing mouth with soap, prayers, bible phrases, scoldings, beaten up with whips, leather belts and dog chains. Both my parents were (high) educated. They didn't drink or smoke or use drugs.

Friends

I had no friends, hardly contact with the outside world although I visited school and I had family. The situation at home was ignored by the family and " friends" stayed away once they met my mother. Isolated I grew up and the only thing I wanted is to be free.
The kind of freedom didn't matter. I lived by the day. Licked my wounds and tried to survive.

Addictions

The only bad examples in my life were my parents and family. They all lied and cheated and not one of them could be trust.
My biggest fear was to become a copy of... my mother.
She always knew how to spoil the day. She screamed, yelled, cursed, ate and ate, put her finger in her throat and vomited, complained, and saw dirt, dust and evil in every corner. She filled her days (next to working) with cleaning the house (after the housekeeper did it) and beating me up. These two hobbies of hers seemed to be fulfilling.

At the age of 15 years old I left.
I didn't plan it it was an escape. An aunt contacted my father after the next incident and told him my mother would kill me next time. I had to get out of there. Although he left and started a new life with a new wife and a child he didn't allow me to leave till she tried to strangle me again.

Today I am free

The best thing I did for myself was leaving. I tried to have a relationship but marriage doesn't work for me. I don't like to be anyone's slave. I want to be free.
I have children and live alone which is heaven to me. I finished school, have several educations (diplomas included) and indeed I am a single mom. My life is good and so are my children's. We do not live in fear and have peace. We spend our lives far away from people, hectic, gossip.

Except for medication I never used drugs. I never smoked, gambled and am not a drinker. I live(d) a simple life. One without partying and I have always had a full-time job. My children know about my childhood and are well raised and not in the way I am. We have an open relationship. We talk, share, have responsibilities but rights too.

For the biggest part of my life, I took prednisone and a few years ago I stopped using them daily. My kidneys are still working. Although my health won't get any better I live with what is still possible for me in my world.

source

Could I be an addict?
I don't think so. I am a realist and savings are to me more important than gambling. The smell of cigarettes makes me sick and although I said I would live the life of a clochard that still didn't happen (I want to be a good example for my children). It can be I will drink once my children leave although I think drunks stink.

I don't have any of the habits my mother has. The fear to be exactly like her is still alive and a strong drive to do it different. I am an atheist. I do not believe in god, do not pray for help and am not apathetic. I act and believe in my own power.

What became of me

My strong will, character and own norms and values saved me. No one showed me how to do it. This is the reason I don't believe children like me grow up into monsters, serial killers. Frequently I hear people use their childhood as an excuse. If that is an excuse I have more than one reason to abuse, molest, set things at fires, steal, rob, lie, cheat and kill everyone with a machine gun.
Bad behaviour is a choice. My parents choose to be this way just like I choose to be different, to be me.

The most important thing in my life is to be me. That's what freedom means to me. I do not bow to others, will not give in. I paid a very high price for my freedom. Each day I feel relieved I left, I put myself at the first place and say "freedom at last".