Choices! What will it be? #80

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I never expected love to knock on my door. I was comfortable with my existence as a robot—mechanical, precise, and emotionally distant. Yes, I got married and had children, but love? That was a strange concept to me; I married because my mother wanted it, not because I needed it. It didn't mean that I didn't care for my family; I did what I was supposed to do, much like an automated machine, set to perform everyday tasks.

It all started on a rainy afternoon. My wife Ramani asked me “Do you love me?”.

I stopped. What kind of question was that? I did my all responsibilities. Last month I fixed the leaky roof. I provided all the expenses. What else could she probably want? My internal software was not prepared for these types of emotional questions.

"Of course I do," I responded with the hope that this would suffice.

But she stared at me with big, expectant eyes. Suddenly, I realized that it was not the answer she had expected. I felt she expected a deeper and more human answer.

"I, aha, also repaired the washing machine last week," I said hesitantly.

She walked away, sighing. That is when it struck me. I'd been acting like a robot for years. Sure, I was physically present, but emotionally? No, not at all. I acted as robotic as they thought.

I wanted to make a change. I wanted to be a human not a robotic. At least I want to try to be a human. Therefore, I searched on Google for "How to show love".

The first suggestion was to compliment your partner. Oh! It was not a difficult thing. Therefore, the next morning when Ramani was preparing breakfast, I decided to go there.

"Ramani, it appears that your... um, hair.. looks... attached to your head. I stammered.

She raised her eyebrow and said "Thanks, I guess?

Humm, sometimes it may be not the best start. But I was determined. The second suggestion was to listen to your partner. I never listen to her before. But I heard the sounds of my tools in my garage better than any human voice. But this time I should pay attention.

That evening, Ramani started talking about her day. Something about her job, her coworkers, and some office drama. I tried to focus. However, after a few minutes, my mind shifted to whether I had tightened the screws on the lawn mower.

“Are you even listening to me?” She asked knowing that my attention was elsewhere.

“Of course, but I suddenly remember my work”.

She shook her head, and said “You’re hopeless.”

Even though I thought it was easy to be a human, it was harder than I thought.

Therefore, I thought of a new strategy. Then I came across the idea of writing a love letter. Even though I act like a robot, I can express my feelings in writing.

So, I took a piece of paper and wrote like this,

Dear Ramani,

I appreciate your existence in this household. Your efficiency in daily operations is excellent. I admire your multitasking abilities and the capacity to manage various tasks without error. Your system's output is above average.

Sincerely, Your Husband"

I left the letter on her pillow, feeling proud of my effort. But after reading that letter she laughs with red cheeks.

“You wrote me a performance review?” she asked, trying to control her laugh.

"I thought it was a romantic." I shrugged.

She laughed harder saying that “You are a wonderful man".

I may not be an emotional, intelligent person, but that night when she laughed at my ridiculous romantic letter, I realized something. I didn't want to be a perfect man, but I wanted to try to be a genuine man.

I was learning what love was in my own robotic way. It may be about showing up, even with failure and I continued my try.

Maybe being a robot wasn't that bad after all.

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