Raising boys and girls

“Om kinders groot te maak is nie speletjies nie”.

These were my mother's words to me when I had my first child. What she was saying was that raising children is challenging. Indeed, this I discovered only a couple of days after my son was born, and the doctor told me I have a colic baby.

To crown it, I didn’t listen to her; I had a second child. This time, I had a premature princess.

Looking back, I can give myself some brownie points, as I think I didn’t do a bad job after all. Make no mistake, there were times that I felt like I wanted to strungle them, but each night when I went into their rooms to see if they were okay before I retired to bed and I saw their angelic faces, I was so glad that I didn’t.

This reminds me of my mother again.

“’n Goeie ma voel en minste een maal ‘n dag dat sy haar kinders teen die muur wil gooi.”

Well, mom, I was a good mother, as I did feel like throwing them against the wall at least once a day.

Back to raising them and the question of this contest: did I raise my children equally? Yes, I did.

I am a strong believer in treating children the same no matter what, and it goes for raising them as well. From the time I held them in my arms the first time, I made a promise to treat them equally with respect and love and to allow them to be their own individuals.

“Laat die kinders speel. Die dag wat jy die kinders nie hoor nie is die dag wat jy bekommerd moet wees.”

Mom’s words again. I was complaining about the kids making a noise, and she was telling me to leave them. It is when you don’t hear them that you must start to worry. Man, oh man, did I have a wise mother or not?

I had to discover that before they go to school, your words count. When they go to school, the teacher's words are what matter, and when they go to high school, only their words rule the house.

Still, I treated them the same way. When one got new shoes, the other also got them.

When the one started cycling and I had to drive for kilometers behind him in the afternoons, the other one started with ballet, and I sat for hours watching her practice.

When one was allowed to go to boarding school, the other was also allowed when it was her turn. Okay, there was a difference. When my daughter went to boarding school, I also went to boarding school. I rented a place close to her, and together we returned home on weekends.

They knew the rules of the house, the boundaries that were set, what was expected of them, and what their responsibilities were from a tiny age.

“Jy het jou kinders goed groot gemaak my kind”

This was my mother giving me a compliment, telling me that I did a good job raising my children.

Now my children are grown ups with their own children. It is when I look at them that I can understand how important it was to treat them equally.

They have learned and come to understand that we are all different individuals, and by being raised equally, they can not only live in harmony but also achieve common goals and contribute to the roles we all have to play in the family and the big world around us.

I have to admit that from when my children were kids until now, it is like day and night. It is more challenging to raise children these days, and I take my hat off to parents who deal with things like cyberbullying, peer pressure, gender confusion, stress, anxiety, and more.

It is no longer my mother’s words that fill the room, but mine.

“Let your children be children and allow them to develop as individuals."

^{All images are my own}

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