ProWritersHub Contest – Week 6 | Topic 3: Should the firstborn child of a family be male or female?

_{Published on August 20, 2022}

If you have never been the eldest child in a family, it is most likely that you never really know what it feels like to be one. So allow me to tell you what it feels like to be the head of the other children.

The firstborn position in a family is a very prestigious one that comes with a lot of privileges and responsibilities. To some, it is the most pleasant place to be in the home as you get to relate with your parents on a more personal level which the other kids may not be able to boast of in a long time.

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This birth position automatical comes with absolute authority. And just like in every other similar situation where there is excessive power, anyone occupying this position might easily get intoxicated with it and may end up becoming tyrants who bully their younger siblings, beat them up at the slightest provocation, eat up more meat, get the largest share of everything and in worst cases, assume the position of royalties who summon their “servants” to perform all their biddings.

In homes where the parents forgo their responsibilities, the firstborn is made to shoulder difficult tasks. These tasks range from having to carry out numerous house chores to having to pay African taxes which may be used to put the other children through school, buy a piece of land where structures can be erected in preparation for the traditional marriage of the female children or to do any other ridicule thing in the world one can think of. It is common to see firstborns begin to hustle at a young age for their families and this may likely continue even when they settle down to begin a family. What contributes immensely to this suffering is the gender roles society assigns to both sexes which end up pulling these young boys and girls to the trench even before they are old enough to stand on their feet.

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Because of this, there has been a controversy on which gender can handle the responsibilities that comes with this birth position better. However, it will be myopic to prefer one gender to the other since every child has a different personality despite their biological sex. The focus should rather be on how to prepare these children for the task of managing the affairs of the home at any point the need arises — because it ALWAYS does.

As the first child of my parents, it must be noted that the past two decades of my life have been hitch-free. This is because my parents understand what it means to be a child and on no occasion have they treated me unduly or made me act beyond my capability. My role in the family is simple:
Look after the children when dad and mom are away, assign tasks to everyone, ensure that the tasks are completed, assist them when there is a difficult assignment that requires my expertise, manage finances (that's when we were younger), sub for the baby of the house just for subbing sake, assist dad to handle some legal cases and even perform some "supposed male-only roles in the family". If you are from Africa, you should understand what that means.

But it would not have been easy if my parents did not prepare me for this role — psychologically and otherwise. First and foremost, I was made to understand the psychology of children and why it was unwise to yell or raise hands at them when they exhibited their infantile behaviours. My parent made it a point of duty to give me an education in a career that will always be beneficial to me in future, hence preparing me to be independent. Speaking of independence, they endeavoured to train my siblings the same way. That's a plus. Definitely! This means that they do not become a burden to me or anyone else, especially their spouses.

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These are approaches every parent should emulate. They include training the older kids to know how to treat the younger ones right, helping them get independent in all aspects of life, and speaking on lessons learnt in life. This also involves pointing out the mistakes made and how they were resolved. Finally, not treating them unjustly because of their sex or to prepare them for "their marital homes".

Being a firstborn is a rare privilege as it allows one to develop better leadership skills and qualities from a young age. I would recommend that every firstborn or eldest child in the home should include this in their CV because this task prepares you to be able to tackle all challenges despite their magnitude.