contest #01|| TELL US HOW YOU SETTLE DISPUTE IN YOUR FAMILY. 10% PAYOUT TO @steemit-family by @pato84.

10%payout to @steemit-family.

Introduction

Hi fellow Steemians in @steemit-family community. I am happy to participate in this contest and thanks to @peachyladiva for coming up with this interesting topic for contest.
Dispute is a disagreement or argument between two persons. Another word for dispute is conflict. Dispute is unavoidable and inevitable in the family as long as two different, imperfect individuals from different family backgrounds with different upbringing are involved. It is not a crime to have dispute in the family what is bad is when you can not settle and resolve the dispute but allow it to escalate beyond bear.

Short description of my family

We got wedded on December 9th 2018. I am of the Igbo tribe from IMO State while my wife is of the Kantana tribe in Nasarawa state, all in Nigeria. Today the size of the family has increased from two to four people with a son and a daughter and still counting.

Current size of the family

center> What causes dispute most times?

There are certain issues that are responsible for the dispute we experience in my relationship with my wife.

1. Claim of Seniority.
   Considering the wide disparity is age between me and my wife I had thought she will accept and swallow everything I say or do hook line and sinker. Little did I know that it does work that way in marriage. So each time I try to be bossy or lordy she will also try to show that she is matured enough and can not be intimidated or pocketed but need to have her own say on every matter.
   Secondly, due to the nature of my business, I always close around 10pm from the shop. My wife kept complaining that I need to adjust my closing time so that I can her time for her. So each time I came home at 10pm she will always get infuriated and sometimes refused to greet or welcome me.
   Thirdly, when I execute projects or plans or buy new things into the house without telling her though with the intention to surprise her. She is not always happy and comfortable with that and complains that I need to carry her along always in anything I do in the family.
   Fourtly, our respective tribal foods. I am a lover of Akpu/fufu(swallow made from casava) with butter leaf soup, whereas she cherishes Tuwo shinkafa(swallow made from Rice ) and fried egwusi soup as her favorite. So sometimes in the house, when our desirables is not available trying to make to make the available desirable turns to be a tug of war and bone of contention both on her side and mine.

How the dispute is settled

Though some of these disputing issues lingered for quite a long period of time but we actually resolved and settled them amicably through understanding and selfless living and humility of heart.
When I stormed over this quote it made the whole difference.
In the Book THE TOTAL MAN BY DAN BENSON, he said:
Woman was created from the rib of man. She was not made from his head-to-top him nor from his feet to-be trampled on. She was made from his side to be equal to him, from his under arm to be protected by him, from near his heart to be loved by him"

Firstly, I learnt that in marriage there is nothing like Seniority. My wife and I are now equal soulmates and not just roommates. We should treat and talk to each other as equals though that does negate the fact that there is a Head and a Neck in the family. I am the head and she is the neck. Of course, no head, no neck because the head can not stand without the neck and the neck is useless without the neck. Understanding this basic truth helped us a lot.
Secondly, I learnt to inform her and carry her along in any thing whatsoever I want to undertake. Be it project, properties, gifts or investments. And she is always happy and feel as Queen whenever I consult and seek her consent and opinions. Of a truth the results has always been highly productive because "Two good heads are better than one"
Thirdly, I adjusted my closing time from 10pm to 8pm except when there are emergency situation like accident casualties that may necessitate a Little extension of my closing time and once that happens I will always call her to alert her on the latest development. When I get home she will always welcome me with a warm and lovely embrace,hug and kiss.
Fourtly we both strived hard to learn to eat each other's tribal foods. She became very curious to learn to prepare my tribal foods like "Uha and Banga soup" so with the coaching of @charis20 here and my mother when we traveled to the East she learnt it perfectly and enjoy eating them now more than me.

How you relate with each other after the disagreement?

Of a truth , there is this special feeling of love and high sense of belonging we both feel in the home. We now learn to cherish each others idea, seek each other's opinion and advice on every family matter. Each time I come home from shop she embraces me with a hug and kiss and undresses me for a bathe unlike before when I do close late.
How we look like once the dispute is settled

Conclusion

Two can not walk together except they agree. When we learn to settle our dispute amicably it always instill a fresh sense of love in our family.There is beauty all around when there are no loggerheads in the family.
Thanks for reading.
I hereby invite @petersdebby, @graceonyi and @joyvictory to participate in this contest.

Cc. @peachyladiva
@steemit-family
@steemfamily

My Esteemed Regards
@pato84