"Let's talk!" №9 - "What if I don't like my Son's chosen one?"

Interesting question brought up by @steemit-family and I would like to respond to this one since I am at that stage of life right now where this is applicable between me and my Son.

Parents as we age up have gathered good amount of experience of life and based on that we have some capability to understand if the opposite person is good or not good for the family. Children as they grow up, they are in all together a different world and they feel like they know it all. But I always tell me Son that give my age some credibility and listen to what I tell you, because it is for his own good.

Now he is 25, I do not interfere in his matters much, but if need be I do give him my advice. At the age of 16 he had his first girl friend. He had just finished schooling and they had all gone for a holiday to Goa, where he came across this girl where both of them connected with each other. When he returned back he shared with me. One thing is good that he shares with me everything, then and now also. When I looked at her, I told him, she is not meant for you. Who understands their children more than their mother. At that moment he got upset with me, though I did not discard their relationship, but I knew it would not last long after knowing the girl. He kept on telling me then, Mom you are over thinking and we have a very good chemistry and compatibility. I told him wait and watch. After just 6 months only one day he came crying to me and hugged me and said, Mom you were right, she is not meant for me.

In those 6 months I never kept expressing it to him that she was not the right girl. I welcomed her with open arms and I knew that time will bring it's own outcome, I just had to wait and watch. One thing I do not believe is imposing my decisions on him. I give my advice and then leave it to him, and that is the reason we have a very strong connection and he shares with me everything now also. I want him to learn his lessons of life as well and not be too protective.

Me and my Son 💖

After that he had another girl, he came and shared with me, that too was not his right choice, I told him and this time he was open to my advice. He said, ok let's see how it goes and that too ended up in a year. You know how they are in that age. Then when he was 19, he met this girl from his University, he told me about her, when I saw her picture I was not able to give him any advice as I could not really understand her well. By that time I had moved to another country for work and he was studying in India only so I was not able to meet her. When I met her in some month's time, it was an instant yes from my side. I knew she was the right girl for him. And I told him, it's a right decision. And then they have were in the relationship for 6 years, after that they had some misunderstandings between them and they decided to fall apart. Though I do not wish that. I always tell my Son, you have got the best and if you let her go and find someone else, you will be settling for something less in life.

The good news is that they have again started talking to each other after a long gap of 6 months and I fee that they will get back together.
I do not believe in interfering in his life, but I do want to give him my advice as an when needed and then I leave it to him if he wants to listen to me or not. I do not keep giving my advice over everything in his life. I do believe that he should learn his lessons his own way, it is ok if he make mistakes, he will understand and be in a better capacity to make his own decisions of life rather than me giving him my advice all the time. A relationship of a parent and child is not about authority but about mutual respect and understanding. I want to give him his space, and I always tell him, the decision he makes he has to face the results as well, it is not me but he will be facing it, so if I tell him something it is for his own good and not my good.

I do believe that parents should never self impose their likes dislikes and their decisions on their children after a certain age and should give them their space to learn and grow in life.