Steem4nigeria Accelerator Contest Week31 keeping friendship after Marriage
Hello friends in Steem for Nigeria community, it's my pleasure to take part in this contest organized by @steem4nigeria on the topic: Keeping Friendship after Marriage. I appreciate this community for bringing up this topic because this is a very sensitive topic that have tore so many families apart and some are still suffering from the damages it has caused. Welcome to my blog, your comments will be highly appreciated.
When we talk about friendship, there are various types of friendships such as intimate friends, professional friends, etc.
If it is about continuing with intimate friendships after marriage then it is completely wrong. Every intimate friendship should have ended right from the moment you had made marriage proposal to another partner. It is a complete foolishness of the highest order for you to still be intimate or close to an ex who may had turned down your marriage proposal for any reason. If you do not distant yourself from such friends, you will be highly distracted and you will never enjoy your marriage. Marriage is not for children it is for matured minds. When I say children it is not in the age. I have seen a 45 years old man who still behaves like a 19 year old boy.
As for every other friendships besides intimate friends, marriage should not make you end them except the one that is advancing to become intimate even when the person is aware of your marital status.
There should be limit to everything. It also depends on your partners understanding. If your partner understands that there is nothing attached to whatever name you are calling your besties and the treatment you give to them then there is no problem.
For me, I will not encourage such. Your spouse should become your bestie and should be treated dearly and no other person else. There are different kinds of people. There are jealous people, there are others that do not pay much attention to such things so know your partner and adjust to suite the person and stay out of trouble.
After marriage every partner is supposed to work hard to have a happy, peaceful and enjoyable home. Like I have always been told there is no marriage in heaven which means even in hell there will be no marriage as well. Why not make everything possible to enjoy your marriage while on earth. To achieve that is by closing every gap of distractions, avoiding things that will set in tension and quarrels and spice up your marriage with romance and sweetness.
If you have been following my write ups I like sharing my personal life experience on topics like this. Some people will see it as though I am exposing my private life, that is their business. I will continue to share my experience, because I know that out of 5, 1 person might benefit from my story and that will be my greatest joy. This topic is about what I am currently going through in my marriage. The only thing that keeps me going in the marriage is my Christian principle and the happiness of my child which is paramount but still it does not mean I am suffering from any form of abuse or domestic violence. Though that was part of the things that set in at the beginning, I had put a final full stop to it. if not I could have left the marriage completely. Here is my story:
One day I was passing through a road to see a friend in 2020 during the covid 19 lock down. One of the days I passed, a matured man between the age of 45 - 47 called me and wanted to have my attention. I denied him, thinking he was already a married man. I could remember asking him "do I look like your missing wife?" he laughed and I passed. Another day when I passed again be blocked me and held my hand pleading that I should stop by his tailoring shop. After much persuasion, I decided to listen to him, boom! he asked if I was married or had a child before, my response was in the negative. Instantly, he asked if I could become his wife? I was surprised and asked him about his family and all he could tell me was that he was still single. I did not believe him, it was at that point I insisted that I must know where he lives and he told me no. He is a pastor and his members seeing him with a woman would have bad thoughts about him. I insisted that if not I will not accept his proposal. He finally accepted and I visited him, actually I did not see any woman or items belonging to a woman in his house then I went ahead to accept his proposal.
The whole thing was exciting and we started seeing each other but suddenly he changed and as if that was not enough he told me to forget about the marriage proposal that he was no longer interested. As at this time I had already informed my family because he had asked me to do so. I started investigating about his attitude and got to realized that one of his ex-girlfriends who had turned down his marriage proposal for 3 times letter surfaced to indicate interest after she had realized that another woman had accepted his proposal.
To cut the long story short, they had been seeing each other and he devised every means to scare me away by becoming so rude and nasty with me. I was stubborn and refused to stay away and we finally married, but before then I caught the two of them and declined the marriage but he came back shading crocodile tears begging me to forgive him which I did. After the marriage he was still living in the illusion of that his ex-girlfriend that she could have been the best wife for him. That seriously affected his attitude towards me. He became violent and abusive. I must tell you a lot of things had happened during those period. I lost my love, respect and confidence for him. Even though we are married, I am not enjoying the marriage and I am not happy. The home is not in the shape it is supposed to be. The whole impact is from his foolishness in allowing his ex-girlfriend to distract his marriage.
It will take a lot of hard work to heal the wound and clear the scar. If not for my child I could have long left the marriage.
Does it mean that, I did not have ex-boyfriend who even came back and try to discourage me from marrying him because we had not dated? I had but I ignored the man and decided to concentrate with him. We where still communicating but at distant. I never allowed myself to be distracted because I wanted to have a happy marriage but my own man was so foolish. It is foolishness to still continue with any past relationship even after marriage. It shows how childish you are, you are not yet matured and should not have gone into marriage at the first place. Go back and play friendship to the fullest, stop punishing innocent people. The question you should asked yourself is "If I was truly loved by my ex why didn't they marry me or accepted my proposal?
I invite my friends @wakeupkitty, @eliany and @patjewell to share their thoughts on this.
My X:
https://twitter.com/Patienc53012229/status/1762804378266636622
Friends are valuable no matter what happens. Men will always keep their friends while many women give up on them.
If your husband is your bestie what will hapoen if hebdumps uou, dies, gets ill, is too busy to talk to you, what if he can't understand how you feel no matter how hard he tries?
I think it's good for a relationship if both have others to talk and turn too. It keeps the relationship more healthy and there's more room for worry free conversations.
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Curated by : @patjewell
Thank you for the support
Hello dear @potudoh , hope your day is going well and you're saying it's not a good idea to keep close friendships with exes after marriage because it can cause problems. It's important to focus on your marriage and make sure your spouse is your top priority.
You mentioned how some people might still keep close ties with old friends or exes even after getting married. But you shared a personal story about how this caused trouble in your own marriage. It shows how keeping old relationships can sometimes hurt your marriage.
You're saying it's best to fully commit to your spouse and not keep old relationships that could cause problems. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your story,wish you success 💖🤗🌺.
Thank you for reading through my post.