SEC | S11W4-""""more freedom""""

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You think of the color blue, and you think of freedom. The blue of the sky and the blue of the ocean are free to go where they want to go.
When you are an American citizen, there are three colors that represent freedom: blue, red, and white, which are also the colors in the American flag.

For me, freedom is when you can do whatever you want to do as long as you respect the rights of others. It might be true that blue, red, and white represent freedom for Americans, but this is only true until these colors of the law start flashing behind you. Then there is no more freedom. Is this maybe why we are scared to give our children freedom?

Freedom is important, but freedom must be controlled!

My understanding of freedom as a parent

Gone are the days that the kids could play cricket in the streets or walk to the nearest café to buy bread and milk. Well, that is the case in my beloved country, South Africa. You don’t know when the next car will stop and grab your child for child trafficking. You also don’t know when a stray bullet from gang violence will pierce the heart of your child. It was on the news today that the second quarter police report showed that 1,188 women and children were killed.

Unfortunately, these are the circumstances in which the children of today are growing up.

Freedom as a parent is one of the most difficult things. You know that by allowing your kids freedom, you allow them to become their own little personalities. You know that it is important that they make their own choices, take responsibility for their actions, and solve their own problems. The golden question is, where do you draw the line?

I had my two children at a young age. Yes, at the time, I was disappointed. Later on, I counted it as a blessing. I was a very strict but fair parent. My kids were not allowed to sleep out by friends, but my door always stood open for their friends. Being restaurant owners, they also had plenty of "brothers and sisters" who helped looking after them.

Then the Lord blessed me with two stepchildren, one age 8 and the other only a couple of days old. My parenthood started all over again, and this time it was so much different than with my children. The eldest, a girl, only had one thing in mind, and that was to study. She always wanted to be the top academic student in her grade, if not in the school. Now that she is 20 years old, it is still the same. All she wants to do is study. We never had a problem with her wanting more freedom.

"I want to be prepared for the future therefore, I want to have more freedom."
This is what my stepson told me not too long ago. This is the era he is growing up in.

My child, you don’t need freedom to prepare you for life; you need wisdom.

As a parent it is important to find the right balance between protection and freedom.

What I can do to grant more freedom to my stepson

It is important for my stepson to experience freedom, which I know too well. What I also know is that he is going to test me many times. One valuable lesson I have learned is that, as parents, we always need to be one step ahead of our children.
There are a few things that I can do from my side to allow my stepson to have more freedom.

• I have to give my stepson more lean way. Trial and error is the best way to learn.
• I have to be less strict. This I can only do if I trust my parental instincts.
• I have to let go. I must allow him to make mistakes so he can learn.
• I must let go of my fear. I am a terrible stepmother when it comes to this. I am so afraid that something will happen to him. It is so much more difficult when you have to take care of someone else’s child. The fear of something happening when he is with you is huge.
• I have to have more faith. As a parent I must remember that I am doing it for him and not for myself; therefore, I have to put my faith in him and our Almighty Father.
• I must allow him to make mistakes. It is only through his mistakes that he will learn.
• I must give him more responsibilities through which he can learn so that one day he is capable of doing it himself. It is only since about two months ago that I have allowed him to go into the supermarket by himself to buy bread and milk.
• I have to learn to set freedom with boundaries.
• I have to allow him to experience. It is only through what he experience that he will learn.
• I have to give my son the benefit of the doubt that he will make the most of his freedom in a good way.
• I have to set a limit and draw a line where freedom will end.
• Lastly, I have to control what I am saying. It is not always easy. So often I will send him back in the morning to go put on a jersey. I should leave him, and if he gets cold, so be it. He won’t make the same mistake tomorrow.

I’ve learned through taking part in this contest that I am not only a stepmother but a darn good stepmother, but it is time to let go. All the training I’ve given, the endless lessons, and the precautions I’ve taken are now shifting onto him. I have to allow him to become a man.
No more driving to school to take him a book or task he forgot at home. This all comes with freedom.

What can cause one to lose the freedom he or she has?

I cannot help but smile. I always packed my stepson’s lunch with a packet of chips, a small chocolate bar, juice, and some cold meat or cheese. Every afternoon, I have to tell him to take out his lunch box.

A few mornings ago, he told me that his lunch box was boring. My response, sure from now on I will buy the things for your lunch box, and you can pack it each morning yourself. Guess what? He packed it the first morning and never again. These days, he goes to school without his lunch box, and the fridge stays full.

I think it is important that we give our kids trial runs, and if they fail, they will lose the freedom to do it.
Our stepson knows that if he goes to the movies, we will drop him at the entrance and pick him up there again. He has to message us when the movie is over and meet us there at the time we tell him to. If he fails, he will not go to the movies with his friends again.

He also knows that we believe in him, but if he breaks our trust, his freedom will be taken away.

Why is freedom necessary?

One of the biggest gifts of life is to learn, to experience, and to grow up.
We teach our kids from a young age how to make coffee, how to set a table, etc. We set them up for success. It is when we allow them to have freedom that they can put what they’ve learned into practice.

Kids will feel that we trust them if we allow them freedom with boundaries.

Parents, it is hard to let go, but we have to. Let your children know that you believe in them and let that flag fly no matter if it is blue, red, or white!

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