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It can be challenging when we expect a certain level of sincerity and understanding from others but don't always receive it in return. Your realization about not seeking rewards for your actions but still feeling a sense of desperation at times is very introspective. It's natural to question why we may feel emotional or seek attention, especially in a world where expectations and reality may not always align, particularly in relationships.

Do well to join a club as soon as possible, my friend.

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