You ARE relevant.

in PowerHouseCreativeslast year

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If you want to improve your self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator.” — Tim Fargo

The last couple of days I have been giving a lot of thought to how so many of us down play our feelings because the people around us don’t deem them “valid” or worthy of their time and consideration. It could be something that has upset you, angered you or even something that has made you happy. What it is about or related to is irrelevant but what isn’t irrelevant is the way you feel about “whatever it is” and nobody has the right to make another person feel this way – ever.

When you are constantly given the impression by another - that your perspective, your thoughts and therefore feelings on an issue do not matter or count it leaves you feeling hurt, disrespected and confused… especially when that sort of feedback comes from someone that you would have anticipated to have some level of empathy or compassion at the very least. It also begs the question – just how much does that person ACTUALLY care about you and your wellbeing if they do not consider your emotional experiences (good or bad) as something important.

So, with that being said you are presented with a choice. You can either continue to succumb to that type of treatment, ultimately losing yourself and your backbone in the process, or you can make the decision to put an end to it and to free yourself from forced disregard. I would say that in most cases, this sort of “crossroad” is not an easy one to make a call on – but it is in fact a very important crossroad in the journey of your life because when you allow yourself to repeatedly be treated in a specific manner, then you are teaching the other person what is acceptable and anybody who lives in that position for any length of time will lose sight of what it was like when they were NOT disregarded or mistreated.

I read a quote yesterday which strongly resonates with this topic and it really made me think a lot about all of this…

Don’t let anyone invalidate
or minimize how you feel.
If you feel something,
you feel it and it’s real to you.
Nothing anyone says
has the power to invalidate that, ever.
No one else lives in your body.
No one else sees life through your eyes.
No one else has lived through your experiences.
And so, no one else has the right
to dictate or judge how you feel.
Your feelings are important and
you deserve to be heard.
They are inherently valid and they matter.
Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.
– Daniell Koepke

To this day I recall a time in my life where after years of being subjected to this sort of treatment on a daily basis, I had fallen into a very dark pit of complete irrelevance and you know what... it did not make me a very nice person. It hurt, a lot and over time that hurt grew into bitterness and anger. It was a vicious circle. Finally removing myself from that toxic environment and "learning to walk again", made me determined that I would never allow another person to hold so much power over me ever again. When I finally began to see, feel and believe that "I did matter" - my entire world changed and I slowly became a new and improved version of my original self.

Many of us have had similar experiences which we have overcome and moved on from and will therefore relate that as the wheel of time spins, we sometimes forget just how far down the hole we dropped, so we let our defenses down and sometimes allow those negative influences back in the door without even realising it.

Although, I suppose the realisation of this (be it momentary) is a step in a positive direction... one which was not taken previously and which will hopefully prevent this becoming a "norm" in any of our lives ever again.

This life is our individual journey and we are supposed to shine! We are supposed to feel loved, appreciated and worthy and situations and people that do not make us feel this way are simply not worth entertaining.

“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.” – Alan Cohen

❤❤❤

Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea

FOUNDER OF THE POWERHOUSE CREATIVES & STEEM SOUTH AFRICA

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Very wise post @jaynie. I have also been in toxic situations where someone tried to invalidate what I was feeling. It got bad but then I just removed myself from this person and it was over with !

 last year 

Thank you @robertandrew :) Yeah I think we have all been there and many still are. It is not always as simple as "walking away" as we tend to complicate our lives with other details... but something has to give - eventually!

Thanks for stopping by - it has been a while. Hope you are well!

 last year 

Don’t let anyone invalidate or minimize how you feel, that I tell the kids too in different words but same outcome! Where there is a will there is a way only your way decides your way, if it’s a good one we will tell you when we are old 😉

 last year 

Wise words! And so very true!

“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.” – Alan Cohen"

I love the Cohen quote you ended with. I think there in lies the secret to self-regard and love. I have pretty much gone past caring too much about what others think and to be honest what I think too. Opinions are changeable, or at least they should be, and so I do not attach my sense of self to them. I offer them and have them but with little attachment to being right. For sure in the very least my opinion lacks nuance. I have to admit I still get a little peeved when I get talked down to and treated like a child ... mansplaining for example... but I also have to admit most men I know wouldn't dare. I need work on this sensitivity but the reason I like this quote is that yes ... your real friends and supporters ... your unconditional lovers know this about you. But what is most important is that 'you' know this about yourself. Then you care a lot less about the opinions of others and whether or not they seem to validate you. You honor your opinions and feelings but also remember they are passing like clouds and you lie beneath like blue sky. I have found that waiting for others to validate you before you feel good about yourself is a recipe for feeling inadequate.

 last year 

I have pretty much gone past caring too much about what others think and to be honest what I think too.

That is a good space to have arrived at!

I love your mindset on all of this. It is a really healthy one and some fantastic food for thought right there!

Thank you for such beautifully insightful feedback!

Thank you for such a great essay:)

 last year 

And thank you too - for stopping by to read it xxx

 last year 

"This life is our individual journey and we are supposed to shine! We are supposed to feel loved, appreciated and worthy and situations and people that do not make us feel this way are simply not worth entertaining".

They say to me that when you work with bitter people, you will also become bitter my friend. Not so says I, as it is simply a matter of understanding yourself.
We work with a multitude of bitter people at the charity and I simply do not allow their bitterness to touch me. Why? Because my bitter past has made me stronger than any bitterness that they can throw at me.
If you can't be appreciated, make yourself to be appreciated, or walk away.
Just my own thoughts here.
Blessings!

 last year 

They say to me that when you work with bitter people, you will also become bitter my friend. Not so says I, as it is simply a matter of understanding yourself.

Very interesting perspective! I like it!!!! That is the mindset of a strong soul! Me... sometimes I get it right... sometimes, not so much. haha... All a work in progress I suppose :)

 last year 

You, Jaynie, are an enhanced being. You have paid your dues in life by emerging from your fears, struggles and hurts to become a leader. Just like a Papillon (butterfly) you went through the process of Metamorphosis.
It is now the time to let your inner beauty shine while you have the time.

We all have the nymph (birth), worm (caterpillar), true beauty (butterfly) process in our lives, as mother nature teaches us that. It is what we do after the process that counts.

Blessings!

 last year 

Well, I have never been called an "enhanced being" before. What a beautiful compliment @papilloncharity xxx

We all have the nymph (birth), worm (caterpillar), true beauty (butterfly) process in our lives, as mother nature teaches us that. It is what we do after the process that counts.

Powerful and apt words! You are a very wise man!!!

 last year 

Always a first time my friend and my wish is that you will regard yourself as such. Shake the fears, hurts and doubts from your robes and know only this as it is written; What will be will be!
The truth is cast in stone!
Blessings!

 last year 

Thank you @papilloncharity!
Blessings to you too!
xoxoxoxo

I needed this inspirational pick me up post today. I had a rough Monday with a little bit of what you wrote here. It was one of those days I Just wanted to go home and crawl back into bed. I didn’t and fulfilled my obligations. So thanks for the feel good advice ☺️

 last year 

I am glad to hear that @bdmillergallery. The positive timing of this post seems to be the general consensus from most here in the comments... so I guess "everything happens for a reason" - including my decision to write this post.

Sorry to hear about your Monday. I also didn't have a great one and is where the fuel for this post came from.

I am sure that despite the way you were feeling, you were glad that you did all the necessaries and got them out of the way... that in itself is often a great way to shift our state of mind :)

Hope you have a much better Tuesday xxx

Thanks @jaynie :-) Tuesday is looking good so far despite a few lingering issues. Timing is almost everything, and the nice part about the blog post is that it will be there for someone else, when the timing is right.

 last year 

So true hey! I never really thought about it like that!

and well, a whole new week is here now... I hope it is a fabulous one for you!

People have power over us only if we allow them that. The moment we dare to speak our mind and not care about norms, our journey because more pleasant. I read somewhere that you are completely free when you do not have to lie about anything and you can state your thoughts without fearing being judged. Thank you for this post! It came at the right moment! ;0)

 last year 

My pleasure @lymepoet and I am glad that it resonated with you. Everything you have said is spot on!!! The sad thing is, so many of us KNOW this - and yet we do not practice it often enough.

This was shown to me in perfect time, I so needed to read this today. Wonderfully written too <3

 last year 

It seems that a lot of people in the comments feel the same way as you do @aishwarya :) I am glad it was well received and timed xxx Thank you for the lovely compliment. I hope you have a super Tuesday and week ahead.

So so SO unfortunately true. Why does it have to be :(

After reading your post I realized I am guilty. I find myself putting on that happy face, minimizing or completely playing keep away with my true feelings and emotions.

I have a right to feel whatever way I feel. You're so right :)

Great reminder!

 last year 

It is a lot more common than we realise I think. Glad this could be a positive reminder to you love. It was a reminder to myself too haha!

Hello!

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Much love to you from all of us at @helpie!
Keep up the great work!


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 last year 

Thank you so much @priyanarc and helpie xxx Much appreciated!

Great post - I so love that poem at the end :)

 last year 

aaah thank you hon! Appreciate the positive vibes xxx

I cannot agree more with this post. It does resonate with me having walked through it for a 20 year marriage. Giving others permission to disregard our thoughts and feelings as irrelevant says more about us than them. We hold more power over our lives and our choices dictate our future. This is well written and I love the quoted advice, too. Take care and thanks for sharing!

 last year 

And thank you too for the lovely input! The day I woke up and said to myself "you have no right to have so much power over me" - was the day my life changed forever!!!!

Well said too :)

I really felt that and it's good to hear you are free now 🤗 x !trdo

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I love this post @jaynie You ARE WORTHY, and anyone who cannot see that doesn't deserve to be in your life.
I used to follow this page on FB

Courage is not the opposite of doubting.

You have to face your doubting.
Go into it. Infuse it with awareness.
Breathe into it. Give it a home.

You have to stand in the midst of its storm, naked, like Lear on the heath, crying out,

“Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage! Blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout!”

You have to embrace your doubt like this.
Let it rage. Breathe into it and let it rage and keep breathing and remember how vast you are.

Jeff Foster

 last year 

Thank you Jerry!

And all such beautifully truthful words shared!

You're welcome @jaynie, you deserve the happiness that I think you now have.

¡𝓔𝓝𝓙𝓞𝓨 𝓘𝓣!

 last year 

Thank you Jerry - what a lovely thing to say :)

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