^{My beliefs of partenthood, my children}

Reflect deeply… Indeed, I did!

"I don’t want children." These were my words when I was growing up.

I had clear intentions never to be a parent. I never held a baby. In fact, I didn’t even play with dolls. I would rather read a book. The times I was not reading, I was "organizing" all the children in the neighborhood putting plays together, hosting Miss World pageants, or teaching the kids sports.

Do I think that a man or a woman is incomplete if they are not a father or a mother?

The Almighty Father had other plans for me. He made me a mommy without my permission. Yip, I was one of the 1% of women who fell pregnant while on control pills, making 100% sure that they were taken correctly, at the same time, and never missed. I was so shocked, but one thing I knew was that abortion was not written in my book.

Nine months later and the most beautiful baby boy was placed in my arms. It was such a big moment for me that my body went into shock. I started to rattle. My brother, who was waiting outside in the corridor, told me that when the nursing staff pushed me to my room, all you could hear was "rattled tat tat," breaking the silence of the night.

That’s it. I now had a baby and I was more than happy with only one. This time, I had no intention of becoming a mother for a second time.

Then two years later, on Christmas Day, I gave birth to a baby girl. I’m sure the Lord looked down smiling as he had the last say.

I had all intentions not to have children, but now I am blessed with two of my own and two stepchildren. Best of all, this is not where my story ends. I am now the granny of seven grandchildren with the eighth on the way.

I now look back and I am happy to say, "I lived a full life. I am blessed."

Would my life have been incomplete if I had not had my children? I don’t think so, but looking back, I would have missed out on so many beautiful and unreal moments.
Moments that I treasure. Moments I can fetch when I feel lonely. Moments that will keep me insane when I am old and gray.

Life is like a mosaic. It is up to us to decorate it with tiles. Sometimes a tile might be skew and other times it might be dull or dusty. We will also have plenty of bright and colorful tiles. Our mosaic, our lives, is what we make of it, and if the choice is that it will be without children, so be it.

I can tell you that it will never be incomplete, as there is always a first and a last tile.

Do I think that a father or a mother should put aside their goals or dreams for their children?

You already know one of my reasons for not wanting children; babies just didn’t interest me.
My second reason was that I was ambitious. Through my reading I discovered the "outside world". I wanted more in life than being a mommy and I was scared that having children would tie me down.

I quickly had to learn that goals and dreams do change as you start parenthood.

Change! That is the word.

You don’t have to give up on your goals and dreams. You just have to alter them a bit or create new ones. The shocking revelation is that it is not only parenthood that changes goals and dreams. It can be anything, your health, the economy, even your country.

John Wooden once said, "Don't give up on your dreams, or your dreams will give up on you."
It should have been, "Don't give up on your dreams; just adjust them."

My vision for people who decide not to have children

If you look up the meaning of vision you will find, "the ability to think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom."

If you have decided not to have children and the Almighty has agreed with you I only have one vision for you. Live your life to the fullest by making every second count and never regretting your decision.

Do I think that to be a mother or father there must be ideal conditions?

Ideal condition? If you are waiting or planning for the ideal conditions to have children you are in for a rude awakening. There will never be an ideal condition for parenthood, no matter who you are.

Parenthood is no joke. It takes a lot of work, patience, determination, and lots of different conditions which are seldom perfect.

I would like to introduce you to my domestic worker, Nonthando. She is 37 years old and a single parent of three, of whom the eldest is nine.

The minimum salary for a domestic worker in South Africa is R 25,42 (South African Rand) per hour which is equivalent to +/- 8 STEEM or +/- 1250 STEEM per month.

There is no doubt that domestic workers struggle to put food on the table. First of all, they must pay for public transport, secondly, they often don’t own their own homes, therefore they must pay rent, and thirdly, as they are at work during the day they often have to pay for someone to look after their children.

My question: "Nonthando, times are so difficult, why did you have children?"

Her answer: "Mam, it is the Lord that blessed me and I am thankful for the jobs I have and the food I get."

The province we live in, KwaZulu-Natal, is one of the top three provinces listed for the highest crime rate in South Africa.

KwaZulu-Natal is the province where the government failed to deliver food parcels to thousands of pupils attending schools. It is also the province where you can "buy" a job as a teacher for +/- 10,000 STEEM.

Millions of people living in KwaZulu-Natal don’t have electricity or water on tap, and having internet is only a dream for many.

My question: "Nonthando, it is so difficult living in South Africa these days. You don’t even have a proper home. Why did you have three children and not only one? It would have been so much easier for you."

Her answer: "Mam, we are doing fine. It would not have made a difference whether I had one or three children. My family helps us a lot.”

Our health is of vital importance to us. We exercise to keep our bodies in perfect condition, and we stay active to boost our mental health. Most of us have access to decent health facilities or even a medical aid fund which allows us to visit the best doctors and hospitals. This is often not the case for those who are less privilege than us.

You just need to watch the news on television to know that the quality of health care in South Africa is no longer as good as it once was.

My question: "How do you care for your children’s health as so many children are not even receiving the required vaccinations?"

Her answer: "I pray and then I trust as we can no longer rely on other people."

It is clear from these honest answers that you can never be prepared for parenthood but you can love it. There will always be challenges in life. Some of them will be a blessing, and others will not.

Parenthood for me was, is, and will be a blessing… always!

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