Club 5050|| Steemit Engagement Challenge (week 2): Create your original story || 15 percent to Colombia original || "Noche estrellada sobre el Ródano" by @ebunoluwani

in Colombia-Original2 years ago (edited)
Greetings everyone

Happy workers day to everyone out there who is grinding. May our sweats become pearls.
I am super excited with this creative contest post by @colombiaorginal

As a story writer, I am eager to deliver this story which is a tribute to every orphan out there in the night. And gratitude to everyone who has stood up to help these orphans and by so doing they have shone as stars in their night.

Let's immerse ourselves in this story and let the words bring our imagination to life.

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It was eerily quiet and all Ava could smell was cool moisty air, it was dark too and she was barefooted. She thought of her shoes for a second but then the thought of her parent clouded that. First she thought of her mother, and then her father but she could not figure out where she was. Fear crept in and she began to look over her shoulder. Only then did she fully become aware of her environment. It was dark but she looked up the starry night and look back down squinting her eyes to see. The stars were her light but the fog still covered the ground so she could not see clearly. An owl hooted in a distance but she ignored it.

The ground was moisty and very slippery. She looked straight ahead and saw water... plenty of it.
“Oh that must be a river...but where am I? She thought and asked at the same time.
Where am I?
All looked like an oblivion of nothingness, except for the stars. The owl hooted again which sent chills down her spine. Something crawled at her feet.
“Ahhhhhhh!!!” She jumped but slipped and fell down the little slop which brought her close to the river bank.
The hair on her neck stood like soldiers at attention.
“Oh God please” she pleaded
“Hello who is there?” she asked faintly not believing how low her voice sounded.

It was a cold night but she was sweating, she felt a trickle of sweat run down her armpit to her side. She shrugged and shivered. The air whistled by and she turned at the sound a rustling behind her back.
A shadow ran past her shoulder.... She knew she was not alone. She felt her heart sink deeper into her stomach then squinted her eyes again the stars shone on the water so she took advantage of it.
“Whatever is out there? I should know before I figure out where I am.” she said but then got interrupted when she saw the shadow trying to get into the water. Suddenly, her brain woke…
“Wait that's mom?”

Relief swept through her and for the first time she felt the cold air dry up her sweat for a second but that turned to horror when she saw her mum making her way into the water.
“No, no, noooo”
“Mummy! No! Mummy where are you going?!” she screamed as she saw her mother wading her way farther into the water. The woman would not bulge, she just kept walking away but Ava could not do anything. She just kept screaming and to her horror she watched her mother gulp her last breath and drowned before her very eyes.
She jumped right after her ignoring the boats by the river bank and the fact that she cannot swim.
She began to suffocate and move widely about, she heard her name faintly in a distance and then light engulfed her.

Everywhere was blurry at fist but then she became aware of her environment and then she saw him.
“Uncle?”
“Yes?”
“Uncle Mark!” she sighed and hugged him.
“Bad Dream?” He asked ignoring her sudden out burst
“Nightmare!!!”
She began to cry... Her parent had died years ago in a car accident where their car had somersaulted into the water from the bridge. They had drowned and she had spent six months in the hospital. She looked up at her uncle who has been the star in her night all these years and he gave her a reassuring smile.
“Shiiiii hush It's okay” He whispered into her ear and stroked her back gently as her sobs quietened.

The End

I invite @solar-star and @nneoma08 for this wonderful contest.

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Desde el inicio con tú introducción me fui deleitando con el manejo de las palabras, cuando llegue al contenido cada palabra me iba sumergiendo más en esta historia, en ese sueño traumático de esta niña que perdió trágicamente a su familia.

Estos sueños tan reales deben ser como punzadas que van hiriendo el corazón de esa niña.

Felicitaciones por tu historia. Eres buen creador de historia.

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bondad
Tus palabras son tan relajantes.
gracias por creer en mi historia.
gracias por permitir que mis palabras crearan un mundo donde sentiste lo que yo sentí cuando estaba escribiendo esta pieza.

Gracias por leer

This is a beautiful and full of suspense, I even thought the owl will attack her not knowing it is a dream. Thank you, I enjoyed the story. Good luck.

Thank you for your comment

I am glad that the true essence of the story could be manifested to you (The reader)

Oh my, that was so sad to have loss both parents in a day. No wonder she experiences such horrible nightmares.
Thanks to uncle Mark for being a star in her life and I wish she could grow pass this stage soon because it's so scary.
Best wishes

Hello @patience90
It is true how much these orphans face out there, we should have people like uncle Mark in their lives to shine like stars

You are right

My! You're able to make anyone vin suspense through the content of your story created for the competition. Might be tragical and that stuff but necessary to catch the attention of readers. For sure this is such a interesting text for the contest. Good luck with it. Regards from Latin America and happy Monday. #venezuela #affable

Hola @alegnita

Thank you for reading and for your time.
I am glad that my story could be as effective as to catch your attention.

Regards

Hola @ebunoluwaini te cuento que hasta yo moví los pies de tal manera de ayudar para que no se ahogara, eso quiere decir que me quedé atrapada en tu historia hasta que vi al tío. Gracias por compartir esta historia. Saludos y éxitos 😄

Muchas Gracias

Increíble historia, envuelta de mucho suspenso al comienzo, al tratar de averiguar que era eso que la asechaba, pero me dio algo de escalofrió al describir que era su madre y que se dirigía al agua sin que nada la detuviera.

Todo fue una proyección de su mente, en la que de una forma triste, reflejaba su dolor por la perdida de sus padres y al recordar que por ser una niña no pudo hacer nada.

La presencia de su tío fue reconfortante, algo que representa a todas aquellas personas que le extienden una manos a los que han perdido a sus padres, lamentablemente no todos corren con la misma suerte.

Bonita historia, muy original, felicidades y te deseo mucha suerte.

Hola leerte me encantó mucho cada palabra que se lee, de verdad es una historia increíble , no tengo palabras para decirte lo bien que te has inspirado.

Saludos y bendiciones

Hola Muchas gracias

Saludos y bendiciones

Poor Ava with horror nightmares, it's good that her uncle is a good man who takes care of her. I like the suspense in your story

Finally @goodybest I nailed you
I have been wanting to have your comment don't know why.
Thank you 😂

What! You got me 😊 you know what? Let's do this together 💪

 2 years ago 

Tu relato está lleno de sentimiento y muestra una historia muy nostálgica. La pérdida de los padres para los niños y el trauma que eso puede causarle puede marcarlos de por vida.

veo que no usas la etiqueta de ningún club y no hay movimiento en tu billetera ni para transferencias ni para realizar Power Up. También es importante colocar las fuentes de las imágenes, eso siempre es recomendable.

Gracias por presentar un contenido propio y original.

Club ? = ❌
No Usa Fuentes en sus imágenes
No Usa subtítulos en sus imágenes

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Muchas Gracias

What a beautiful story with touching lines.
Ava has been through a lot in this story, I can imagine her dark world with loneliness. A world without her parents.🥺
I'm glad there was someone that could brighten her world.
I love your story dear.

Hello @adylinah
I am truly honored that my story could reach out to you.

Thank you for your comment.

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