بے رنگ سی ھے بڑی ذندگی
"Mama, hgquwonavauwjw!" cried the baby. The mom put down the pan on the kitchen counter and rushed to her one-year-old son, tapping him gently on the back to help release the stuck burp. I watched from across the room, marveling at how the mom seemed to understand exactly what her baby was saying. I never used to think about such things. In fact, I used to consider babies useless until they were at least ten years old.
What productive work do they provide us with to deserve so much love, affection, and attention? Looking back now, I realize how wrong I was. It’s incredible how much I’ve changed in such a short time.
I have had anger issues for as long as I can remember. I've been suspended from school multiple times because of my temper, have been beaten by my parents more than any of my siblings, and have never had any fondness for children.
I’ve always been a restless person, constantly on edge. However, lately, I find myself sitting alone, reflecting on many things, surprising even myself with this newfound introspection
In the past, I never appreciated the subtleties of parenting, nor did I understand the deep connections parents share with their children
ھے تجھے بھی اجازت ، کرلے تو بھی محبت
ھے تجھے بھی اجازت ، کرلے تو بھی محبت
You also have the permission
Even you can fall in love
Why didn't we love our parents like they deserved to be loved? I hope this won't become a regret for me after my parents are gone. My friends don't like to speak on this topic, but my mind can't seem to let go of this thought. Every night, when I lay down to sleep, I find it impossible to avoid thinking about it. Every night, I promise myself to be better the next morning, but every morning, I feel myself failing.
Now, do you understand why I mentioned my anger issues and how my failure as a son is interconnected with my anger? It's not that I'm not working on it—I am, I truly am—but the anger just seems to rush back in during any situation where it could have been avoided. It's only after my rage that I curse myself for not controlling it. But at least I can say I have made some progress in managing it
بے رنگ سی ھے بڑی ذندگی
My life seems colorless
I am a very emotional person, the kind of emotional that doesn't suit a man specially in this society where men pouring out their emotions is a taboo so it's a daily fight within myself. I lost my pet in 2021 on July 20th, it was around 10:30 in the night, Karachi had been drowned in floods due to nonstop extreme rain and he died in my arms. There were no vet clinics open in my area, no vets available for home services and I just couldn't do anything except for looking at him slowly breathing, panting...
I wish I could have done something, something to ease his pain. There was fear in his eyes. I could clearly see the fear and hope and helplessness in his eyes and it looked as if he was expecting me to do something but I failed. I couldn't even lift a finger but I didn't cry. Maybe I could have done something. I buried him in front of our house, dug a deep hole in the ground and buried him at night without any help even though my brother wanted to help me.
My mom recently lost her dad, and it was the first time I saw her crying like that. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left her alone with her dad's body and smoked a cigarette outside the house.
What could I have done? I don't know. Maybe something.
My grandmother is very frail, and I know she'll leave us soon. I am haunted by the thought of the day my mom hears that her mom is no more.
What will I do at that time? What will I do when I hear that my mom is no more?
Will my life become colorless again?
بے رنگ سی ھے بڑی ذندگی
Dear Huzaifa, I always experience you here as attentive and caring for all your fellow Steemians. That includes empathy. Perhaps a lot of it. You certainly have plenty of it. Empathy is closely related to emotionality: I'm glad that you allow yourself to have it here, even if your society may not like to see it in you.
I have a very pragmatic and less emotional attitude towards death (I would have expected you as a doctor... ;-)) - We all go one day. It's okay. Dying is a different matter. It's fraught with ideas that can range from fear to grief to relief.
I've always found it important to talk about it! With each other before the time comes. Then saying goodbye loses its horror...
I'm a very emotionless person when it comes to deaths and sickness etc, infact I have been called cold-hearted and emotionless multiple times by my siblings:')))
I think talking about death is important and more important is to realise that it will occur. A lot of people around me tend to ignore the scenario of death and they say when it happens, it'll happen. But I like to tell them that it's a part of life and there's no harm in talking about it
It's like I just read my brother's story. (Are you a Taurus?) He's a middle child, has anger issues, adores animals, got scolded the most by our parents and yet he's the most caring and emotional person I know. He doesn't show but a sister knows.
I felt the same, when my grandmothers from both sides were in their last days. Although I had my own strong bond with both of them but all I feared was how my dad and mom will cope with the loss. In case of my naani, I was the one who had to break the news to my mom. It took me 3 hours to muster up the courage. She was devastated but surprisingly not more than my dad (when his mom passed away). He cried and what we say in Urdu- chup si lg gae unhain.
The point is - this is part of life. We can't escape death. I dread it too all the time. I fear for all my loved ones. And the thing with kids is that - when you become a parent, you start dreading your own death because you can't imagine a life for them without you being there to shelter them from the harshness of this world.
But we know - Allah insan ko uski bardasht se ziada dukh nhi deta. And whenever I feel depress for any reason - I read the translation of Surah Ad-Duha. It soothes heart and mind like nothing else.
I'm a Gemini. Borderline gemini xD. I am a middle child. I have had extreme anger issues, and honestly the first few lines of your comment explain me. We both might be the same person haha.
I think more than dreading over death it is important to accept it as a fact. Kullo nafsin zaiqatul mout. You can't escape it so how about talk about it beforehand so that you save yourself a lot of emotional trauma and stuff? I like to take deaths as a joke and that's what people don't like about me probably because they think I'm heartless but in my mind I know why am I doing this, so that when it happens, I already am prepared for it. Only time will tell
Yeah, living in different bodies. 😅
There are somethings in life which you absolutely can't understand without going through them. One of which is losing a loved-one.
I think reasoning fails when you lose family. Sure, time does heal all wounds but you do get a wound. You grieve - either silently or openly.
I lost my dad two years ago, the loss of a father hurts, but I realized that what causes that pain the most is not even the fact that I will not see him, but every time I remembered that I had not told him that I I loved him... That he left without knowing it... that's what hurts the most. My sister told me: he knew you loved him... and I try to remember all the times I wanted to show it to him, I tell you that when we are like that, emotional, it seems that what we do is not enough...
Every time you can, tell them that you love them, if you can hug them... that's all I can tell you...
Blessings to you.
I can't imagine the loss of a father but I know I'll have to go through it sooner or later. I have heard and read it a lot of times that we should show our love to our loved ones before it's too late but it's easier said than done for me. I have probably hugged my mom 10-12 times in my entire life.
I just can't do it. Even when I prepare myself, my body freezes and I can't move my hands. I, once discussed it with my mama and she told me that she understands, even she was like this her entire life.
That happens with some people, not all, in my case. It's easy for me to hug my mom and tell her that I love her, and it was harder for me with my dad. I don't know if it had to do with his parenting style because he was very strict, but even so, he found a way to be tender. More than anything when he got older...
In any case, follow your heart, because that's what he later reproaches us for... that's what happened to me, I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't, I hope that where he is, he knows, and I can only trust that it's like that.
@tipu curate
;) Holisss...
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