You've kind of hit on the crux here Alex.

I'm my example, with my uncle, although I often manage to extracate myself from his aggressive energy... no conclusion is reached. I'm pretty sure his need to dominate conversations and push his world views are based on deep seated insecurities, but with my strategy in dealing with him I'll never get to the truth of it. And also, we'll never have a positive relationship, which is sad.

You put it well at the end of your comment:

suddenly we realise were finally talking about the right thing!

I think people so often get stuck in a projected idea of what the other person is saying, based on their own preconditioning. And so, they end up talking entirely about the wrong things.