Wal-Mart Terminator

"Baby! What the fuck is that?!?"

...I scowled, pointedly, at the thing. Whatever it was, it was gaining on us slowly. The angel paid me no attention.

"Baby, looook!," I pleaded, but, my pitiful cry was to no avail. The thing turned, as though it would not continue barreling at us at 0.2 MPH.

Finally, I received the attention of the angel. "Whaaatt?" she asked me, in a, drawn out, begging sort of way.

"Baby! RUN!" I exclaimed as I switched from a slow, meander-style walk, to a fast waddle.

"What the?!?!" the angel said in a strengthening crescendo. Finally, she realized the seriousness of our plight. Or, did she? Why isn't she running? I thought, as I whipped around the corner, past the dog food and pet supplies, and into the electronic section.

PHHEWWW... I took a breath, I was safe, for now, but what about the angel. "Audie!" I cried, just as she came around the corner, slowly meandering after me. We crept down the aisle adjacent to the electronic section. "What the fuck was that?!?!" I said, trying to keep my composure.

Just as I had rounded the next corner, there it was again. It had rounded the corner and hidden in the next aisle, poised and ready to strike. It whirred, turning, to-and-fro, and it had some sort of spinning hellish mustache beneath it. Whatever it was, it had no driver. I thought of a movie that I saw when I was a young boy, about trucks that trap a bunch of people at a Motel on the freeway --KILLER trucks.

"Oh my gosh!" the angel exclaimed, "That's so cool!"

The angel has no fear of death? Would this monstrosity not destroy us both, if we did not move? A few onlookers joined us, gawking at the thing as it rumbled about, doing it's whirring and spinning.

"If you walk up in front of it, it will stop, and wait for you to move," a man said to the deeply wrinkled, beef, of his Neanderthal-looking friend's, perplexed, forehead.

"Baby," the angel said softly in my ear, as she put her hand gently on my upper arm to calm me. I still stared, wildly at the thing. "It's just cleaning the floor," said the angel, in an understanding kind of tone.

"By... itself??" I asked, needing more assurance.

"Yes," said the angel, "By itself, baby..."

-True-ish story, by Jonathan Caleb Williams @badseedalchemist

Co-starring: The Wal-Mart automated cleaning robot.

Robot Top Image Source

Robot Bottom Image Source