This May Be a Tad Messy
So run for cover now if you don't like hearing about people's bullshit, cause I got some. I've just been an absolute mess this last couple months, and no, not a cute #hotmess, an actual mess, ugly, reclusive, numb with tears I can't even cry. It's the end of winter and I'm feeling like a corpse. And no, don't give me your pity or tell me to feel better, I'm actually pretty cool with dying inside. Everything dies folks. Everyone has ups and downs and if you don't, are you really alive?
I am on the lowest point of this cycle of my journey. I know I will be back on this part of the spiral many many times before I'm gone from the Earth for good. The contrast of emotions helps us really feel the joy of when life is good. If life was never a desperate feeling piece of shit, how would I even know what real happiness was? Or how precious it truly is...
Bring on the Turkey Vultures
Last week I was outside when the largest shadow ever landed on me. I looked up and saw the hugest raven I've ever seen, just as it passed out of view. I thought, this is amazing, I never see ravens in our area, ever. A lot of crows, but never raven.
Then just 2 days ago I see 4 massive ravens off in the distance. I cannot believe my luck as they start soaring closer and closer to me. Dancing in the air, their moves were majestic. As they get really close I notice that they have red heads. Wait? Red headed Ravens? They continue their incredible dance (the chickens were scared shitless by the way, and were all hiding under bushes) so I figure I've got time to get my camera. I come out and get 2 photos off before my battery died! Well, at least I got 2 photos and one of them turned out alright...
When they finally move on I go inside to research this Red headed Raven and lo and behold, I have actually witnessed my first ever sighting of Turkey Vultures, and now I'm certain that the big black bird that flew over me last week was one as well. Heart feeling lighter because this is the first meaningful thing that has happened to me in what feels like ages.
I've been researching them, and I found out a lot of things that shattered my previous assumptions about vultures. For one, the chickens were in no danger at all! Turkey vultures won't harm living creatures, they only eat the dead. They eat rotting flesh, yet their faeces is 100% free of bacteria! They are literally the cleanest birds! They go around and clean our earth, and they transform it into bacteria free droppings. What champions! I cannot believe they have such a bad reputation as being 'evil' or 'ominous' animals.
Another interesting thing I found out about them is that they have a very hard time taking off in flight, yet once they get going they can fly for hours without even flapping their wings, they use natural air currents to soar without using any energy.
Thank you Turkey Vultures for your Blessings and Lessons
I have heard your call and will heed your wisdom!
- Have you ever had profound experiences with animals? I'd love to hear about them.
I remember the first time I saw a turkey vulture, I was in awe! They are so ugly, they're cute:)
And I'm not going to tell you to cheer up or some nonsense like that. I believe we must feel all of our emotions and learn something from them. We live in a world where we're told to be positive and happy all of the time and that somehow all of our 'negative' emotions don't deserve the same attention as the 'positive' ones. So, ride out the lul and catch the next wave sista'...because it's coming; it always does when you're ready for it :)
Ok, here's a bird story for you: @briancourteau, my husband, and I have a thing for ravens, enough that I got a tattoo which included them; he often writes poetry that also includes ravens. Not sure if you know, but he also has cancer and has terrible seizures now where I often have to use CPR to bring him back. The other day I was out for a short bike ride, and I never see too many crows/ravens here, just magpies (I think that's what they are), but biking home, one suddenly swooped down at me and flew right beside me...at that exact moment, something in my head screamed that Brian was in trouble. This bird was flying so close to me I could have reached out to touch it. It all happened in a flash, but I got that red flag in my head, turned to the bird, I swear he looked me in my eye, like "that's right, you got it...go!" and flew away. Sure enough, I got home minutes later to find Brian passed out on the floor! I revived him; it's all good, but so weird! I truly believe he was a messenger :)
Oh my goodness Lynn, no I didn't know about your husband :'( :'( Bless that crow for warning you of danger, and bless you too for listening to the sign! I'm so happy that Brian is still with you, every moment together must be so precious. You both are so brave and so strong. Sending all of my love and RESPECT!
Thank you Lyndsay, I appreciate that! We're pretty lucky I think, regardless of what's happening now. We were both married for many years before meeting each other and both believe we hit the jackpot :)
beautiful photos
Interesting of the turkey vultures. They have a hard time taking off, but once in the air it is almost effortless to stay up there.
Kind of like life. Sometimes we really have to work hard to get to where we want to be, but once we are up there on our way it just seems easier.
I found that out when I was an executor for a friend that died. I didn't want to work on anything and I was so confused on where to start.
I figure I would just called the attorney that helped my friend write her will. That was the start. It was hard, but it was easier after that moment. Also that attorney helped me a lot so I hired him.
Yes David! You "Innerstand" <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I agree 100%
Interesting, I've been feeling the same way this winter. I keep trying to fake my way out of it but... its fake, so nope, down down I go to my messiest depths, with thoughts of "if i didn't have kids..." Which is temporary, and thank god I do have them because I know the light comes back eventually.
And here we are steps away from eachother but it makes no difference, in this state of mind #hermitlife is all I can really handle, probably the same for you.
Anywho.
I saw one of those the other day, cool to know they're turkey vultures. I hope their lesson actually does something to lift your spirits ♡
Much love.
YASSS hahaha!! Fake it til we make it right? AHHA WRONG! Bad advice, bad advice! LOL
I know we are so close, how are we not getting together? Yet I just couldn't be around anyone, even in my own house, hermitlife had gotten to a whole new level where I was just in my room all of the time reading books!
I'm glad you saw them the other day, we obviously saw the same one, how cool! Was it your first sighting of them as well?
Yeah it was my first. Honestly I didn't know what it was until you posted this, I thought maybe it was a young bird of prey of some sort because it was flying strange... but now I know thanks to you!
If you ever want to get out and have tea... we could do that. Baby steps... hahaha. I mean it'll happen eventually. Just let me know when you're ready ♡
A young bird, so the one you saw was pretty small? The ones I saw were bigger than eagles that I've seen, crazy!
Yes, tea!!! If you're up for it I'm up for it, let's do this for heaven's sake :) :) :) :) :) :)
Well it looked like a young eagle size wise but was flying weird... but it wasn't close it was over by your house. My depth perception is no good so I could be off on the sizing haha. I will keep my eyes open to see if I spot it/ them again. I think it was the same though because I haven't seen it before.
Every once in a while an animal or bird will come into my life just when I need the boost of inspiration. I remember one morning standing at my kitchen window watching the sunrise and thinking I just couldn't do the 2-hour commute to work another day when I spied him. A 10 point buck sauntering down the middle of the gravel road like he had all the time in the world. What a gorgeous beast. Somehow it dawned on me then that I could do it for as long as it took to get us where we needed to be financially to move on.
That would have been a very profound experience...wow Ceci! Thanks a lot for sharing that, it gave me goosebumps...
A lot of people seem to have been having a pretty rough Winter emotionally. I definitely had some real low points myself, culminating in my decision to sell my house and retire to someplace way less expensive than this crazy expensive place I live.
But one thing I'm really going to miss from here are sightings like the one you had. I don't know that I've seen turkey vultures, because I'm not great at identifying birds. I know we have hawks, ravens, and owls in terms of bigger birds, plus lots of bluebirds, cardinals, and hummingbirds. All the rest, I couldn't tell you what it is.
It sounds like we're both living in places with a lot of animal life, both on land and in the skies. It's quite the blessing to have these ready reminders of a perspective on what's important that's so different from the human perspective. I think many times that's what we need most. That's what opens us to awareness that lets in the miracles.
Thank you very much for resonating @indigoocean, you are going to be moving away from nature, so into a city or suburb then? I am so sorry that you have to leave, money is such a horrible thing how it decides everything for us. :'(
Thankfully I'll probably be moving to someplace that also has good access to nature, though perhaps more desert rather than forest like now. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going, but have some places to visit to check out. Fortunately, most places are less expensive than here! So I've got plenty to choose from, just only a few where I actually know anyone, and I'm not so young that that doesn't matter to me these days.
Here I have an amazing community. We all trade food from our gardens/farms. We have monthly potlucks. We chat along the road, whether walking or driving. Even just during this home sale process, so many people have invited me to use their decks if I need to get away, whether they are home or not.
Between relationship to the land and my neighbors, it's hard to move on. But I've accepted that I must and that the financial pressure forcing me to is a blessing in disguise. (Very heavy disguise!) I have to have faith that I am always being moved forward for a good reason. I hope you can find some hidden blessing in whatever has been weighing you down as well.
Oh - these guys are always circling the highways around here. I've seen them my whole life. But it wasn't until last year that I saw a couple up close, on the ground. They were feeding on a bit of roadkill on a back-road that was just too good to abandon. And man, they sure are ugly/cute. They look like someone squashed a turkey and then stuck on the ugliest head you can imagine (and turkey's aren't good looking to begin with).
They also look a bit like elderly insurance salesmen, waddling about in ratty suits. Only they're much better for the environment.
Sorry to hear you're feeling low. This winter has overstayed its welcome by a long-shot, and it's hard to overcome the feeling that it'll never change. But it will.
HAHA I love your descriptions LOL 'waddling about in ratty suits' awwww....the poor creatures...makes me love em even more, so misunderstood. Like crows! We had millions of them where I grew up and everyone hated them, their cawing and their garbage eating, and I was so enamoured when I learned they are one of the smartest animals on EARTH! And there is so much we don't even know about them still!
Yeah, the crows really are crazy smart. I love the seagulls too - the fact that they're opportunistic and will eat just about anything. Plus it's fun to watch them dropping shellfish on the rocks.
Why is it that when there are a lot of an animal, people suddenly find it less interesting?
Yea hahhahaaa, yet we never seem to find ourselves uninteresting ...!! hahaaa!!
Hah! Laugh of the day!
Welp- all I can say is I hear you sister, I feel ya for SURE and I'm thankful that you're able to have the perspective to see outside yourself and your feelings, and take a lesson from the skies - sending love <3
Feeling the Love <3 <3 <3 Sending you love too, and huggies, and virtual baked goods xoxo <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I'm glad you know what I'm talkin' bout @dayleeo!
At least you are getting outside. Finding new and different things to take your mind off whatever is giving you that low down feeling.
Was talking to a fisherman at Southaven Park who told me we have a few pair of Bald Eagles that have wintered right here. He says they dive for fish along with the Osprey in the freshwater ponds. Hope to get some pictures. May even get a new camera with some pixels to take some movies. Cheers.
That's awesome, I wish you supreme luck with your new camera and hopefully I'll be seeing eagles and osprey in your upcoming walks!
I saw one on our recent adventures. I wasnt sure what kind of bird it was, but after reading this post I do now! The red head, gliding in the winds effortlessly.......
Maybe the turkey vultures showing up means that your cycle of emotions is changing to an upswing, and they are there to clean up what has left and died