Let's Talk About Seroquel
So yesterday in my post where I introduced myself to the Steemit community, I had talked about switching gears from poetry to music. This being mainly because I wanted to be happy. I had said in that post I would go further in details about this in later posts, and this post here is just another piece of that puzzle.
So there is this drug, called Seroquel it's prescribed for few different mental health related disorders. One of those said disorders is Type 1 Bipolar Disorder. That's me, well it's not me, in the sense I try not to let my disorder define me. So, let me rephrase that. I struggle with Bipolar Disorder.
Doesn't being bipolar mean you're crazy?
Well, no it doesn't random fictional reader, geez man why you gotta be so rude.
Anyway with Bipolar 1 it means my lows or depressive states are very low, and my highs or manic phases can be very high. Yesterday while I wrote my last post I was very manic actually. I however didn't realize it until little while later that I actually was in a manic phase at the time. For me at first it just feels like I'm very happy and have a lot of energy, starting off. Thing is I had been awake for almost 24 hours, and had been up all night researching random music gear and stuff. For the most part I've always welcomed my mania than I ever have welcomed my depressive states.
During my manic phases, it's when I tend to get shit done. It's when I'm the most productive, it's when I have all the hope in the world, It's when I feel like I'm capable of doing anything. It's during these times I tend to try to do as much as I can, because I don't know how long it will last. After living with bipolar 1 disorder all my life I have learned to treat my mania as an open window to opportunities, because eventually the window will close and I'll be back in a depressive state where I don't feel like, and can't do anything at all.
So why is Seroquel so bad?
Well fictional reader, it's actually not, but it does have it's drawbacks, just like any mood stabilizing drug, well just about everything has it's goods and bads come to think of it.
You see Seroquel is what is known as a mood stabilizer, it's made purpose is to try to minimize my lows and my highs in order to make me feel better. But here is the main issue I have, it makes me sleep, A LOT, I mean Ripvanwinkle kinda sleep, like what year is it kinda sleep. Because of this I tend not to take it everyday because if I did I wouldn't be able to get anything done, at all, like for realz for realz.
But every once in awhile my mania will get so bad it feels as if I've just taken so much speed and will never come down. To the outside world, the people around me who don't know about me being bipolar, I'm pretty sure their first though would be that I was on some major drugs or something, because of my rapid talking and such, when in reality I hadn't taken anything at all. Nothing, nodda, period.
Wow that could be problematic?
It sure could fictional reader, it sure could. Yesterday, all I wanted to do, was ALL THE THINGS, but in reality I just wanted to sleep, like for real, I just wanted to get some rest, but I couldn't I my mind was going 90 to nothing, and I couldn't turn it off.
Oh but I could turn it off, I could turn it off by taking my Seroquel. The problem is the side effects of the Seroquel for me just suck so much that I tend to avoid taking it until I'm so freaking tired of the mania and just want it to stop.
So I took my Seroquel, and was asleep for about 12 hours, woke up not knowing what day it was, and still felt dizzy for awhile, went back to sleep and just recently woke up. The good news is the mania is not there, and I'm not really depressed either, so yay. The bad news is I'm almost 12 hours late from when I wanted to make a new post here on Steemit.
I hope this post will give you some understanding moving forward if you ever notice there is no regular schedule when it comes to my posting as well.
I'm not sure exactly what this post is supposed to be, I just it's a continued introduction of getting to know me or something. But anyway I hope you all are well, and thanks so much for your interest in my first post.
Anyway do any of you have similar issues when it comes to medications?
- dj FUGLY
I have always been extremely cyclical. I 'have' adhd and also depression (though I'm not convinced my depression is a strictly biological thing, because I can name the reasons). But they are deep, existential, and I also have learned to ride them out and be gentle with my expectations. I thought I may have bipolar due to the fact that i feel so godamn in love with the world and people most of the time, but for me they are not manic, I still sleep and to me I feel like that is me , I'm just sort of weird and hyper. I have tried different things for depression and adhd and its such a long complicated journey to find a good balance. I've still got some work to do on mine for sure haha. Thank god not everything in this world has a demanding schedule, there is still some wiggle room for our muses ;)
For sure on that wiggle room. I've purposely put myself in a position where I don't have to be on a schedule as much as I can, because I I can't dictate when I'm going to be having a manic or depressive phase. It for sure is a journey as well, I've after 20+ years have learned as best as I can to work with it rather than let it work against me. I wish you the best on doing so as well. Much love.
Yeah, learning to just accept that I will not function on a schedule took a lot ( on top of finding how to function in society there is a lot of shame in thinking I just wasn't trying hard enough), but goddamn I am so much better off <3
I now sleep when I'm tired and wake up when I'm not. We will see how this plays out, but so far its such a burden lifted.
That feeling of "not trying hard enough" is so real, I get it, I get it.
Off topic but since your new, this is a great tool to have steemworld.org/@djfugly I was super stoked when I found it here.
Yeah I've seen it, just not sure what it's used for other than stats
Besides helping me keep an eye on my vp (i'm not obsessive but once it drops to low you are missing out on the full potential of what you are gifting people), it also shows what percent/how much someone votes you for. This I really only notice when someone gives me a vote that is like .2% and at 0. they want me to see their name for a vote but made it wrth zero,which makes me think they are just trying to get my attention instead of actually engaging with me. Also, you can easily see replies back to you so you don't have to scroll through your replies, I guess just a single source for a bunch of stuff to make steemit interaction less confusing.
Yeah that vp thing I'm not sure how you change the percentage at all anyway. So I've just clicked "vote" hmm guess I'm doing something wrong