My body no matter how emaciated it is feels so heavy because of the extra fluids in my body now and it is giving me a hard time breathing. I do not like this feeling because it makes me feel depressed as if I am imprisoned in my own body.

Yes it is depressing if you are now limited in your movements and I do hate it. I just wanted to rest but my body isn't budging and it won't let go. I do have an envy for my fellow co-patients who are now departed because they didn't experience what I am going through right now.

My complaint today is breathlessness and my mouth fatigue. My mouth keeps gaping wide-open and it is also depressing to see it and feel it that way. My breathlessness issue on the other hand makes my life miserable and my nurses aren't helping me resolve it, I had gone to give up on my request about it and it just falls on deaf ears.

I never expected these things to happen but I have to be brave and keep on fighting because being depressed won't do me any better. But maybe after my dialysis tomorrow I will feel better again but right now I feel so miserable.