Dear Diary: I Asked My Mother To Fix Me Some Cornmeal Pancakes Just To Give My Body Some Nutrition

It is hard in these times where I am waterlogged and suffering from in ability to eat. But I could eat still nonetheless only foods that interests me. So I decided to have some cornmeal pancakes because at least it has corn, milk, eggs, and margarine that would give my body some nutrition without burdening myself on eating and chewing.

I am already not feeling good because of being over-saturated already with water as it makes me breathless and weak. But I am always hopeful that this will improve soon and as soon as I have my dialysis it will give me a needed relief.

I wasn't able to sleep last night because of all these and it is just disheartening that relief is such a very slippery thing in my hands, it is hard to find, come-by, and retain in my life that sometimes I am thinking to die already because this life had never been really for me for obvious reasons.

I am longing for care, love, and support, I needed a company buy I am always alone and lonely with only my parents here beside me and online friends that can only do so much. This life has proven to be hard and the struggle is real and is hard to manage for a weak and powerless person such as me.