I am low on spirit today. I am sitting beneath the moon but it's light does not reach me. The dust has blanketed the night and the crickets have hid their cry.

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Today had started well, I had cleaned the house as best as I could, eaten, had my bath and headed to town. I got to Discovery Mall, made a call and realised that today was Friday not Saturday. The steemit meet-up was billed for Saturday 17th February not today. This made me weak. How could I have missed a day? I will be there tomorrow by 10am; do come if you can. ♨️

I left there to pay visit a friend in some remote estate. On my way, a woman stopped to pick my fare and after saying that she was not going my way, she told me to stop wearing wrist beads and rings, that I should give my life to Christ. Excuse Me! Do you know me? I asked her before she sped off, her self righteousness trailing after her in all its smoke and choke.

I got to my friend's place only to find out that I could not deliver on my promise to @angelveselinov, to host today's Daily Dose because Airtel, my network provider was next to nonexistent in that particular area. Have you ever felt like breaking your SIM card? 👹

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So we got talking and we got to the taboo discussion; marriage and kids. All my friends are either married with kids or are engaged to be married or are single with kids; I am in neither category. I don't even have a girlfriend.

It's not like I don't want a woman in my life, it's just that I have had mainly negative experiences with them and in time, I have developed a phobia for relationships. I don't know what exactly is wrong but I know that it starts good then it just turns sour.

I have tried being friends with a woman before dating, I have tried making sex the pivot, I have tried giving my time, my everything to the relationship, I have tried no sex rule, I have tried living together, I have tried living far away from each other, I have tried living in sin, I have tried putting God first; it all ended the same way; me going home to an empty house. what should I do?

Love is difficult for me and it gives me too much heartache, so I have decided to mind my business. I have decided to stay away from dating and stick to writing. 💔

I told the dude all these, while he showed me pictures of the lady he intends to get married to this year. I envied him his sureness, his conviction. where am I going with this rambling talk? No where, I think.

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We drank garri (fried cassava shavings) and peanuts while he told me not to worry; my love will come; yeah right. I have heard that before.

I used salt and sugar for my garri, he used sugar, milk and cocoa. He is fatter than I am. So we got talking about weight. I barely eat, so I am very slim and weigh next to nothing. 🙈

People always have something to say as encouragement to me when I complain about my weight. At first they said I would gain weight when I was done with the University; that never happened. They said the weight will come when I got a job; it never happened either. Some are now saying it will come when I get married; I felt like screaming. We, my friend and I, are back to marriage again. 💍

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I picked my bag, hoping PHCN had brought power to my part of town, and said goodbye to my friend. I drank a satchet of cold water, then I took my leave.

I arrived home and there's no electricity. power generating sets are crooning songs I thought I had left behind in Warri. I thought of going out to eat and hanging out by myself. it sounded pleasing enough except my account is in the red. I considered going despite the situation until I received a call from a girl telling me that she has not eaten since a lunch of fried rice. I have not eaten too.

She sent me an account number to send her money, while she promised to call me back either this night or first thing tomorrow morning. I don't have airtime on my phone; she has airtime but she wants me to send her money for food; go figure.🙄

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I took off my clothes and in my boxer shorts, the shadow of my phone torchlight shading my eyes, I began to write.

I am tired, hungry, depressed and lonely. Tonight, like all other nights, I have too much to think about. Tonight, writing will be my pill, psychiatric evaluation, and my cure. Tonight I will fight the battles nobody sees or hears. I hope I wake up smiling tomorrow.😖

Note:

I am writing tonight as a medium of easing pressure. I don't really know what to do.

peace

©@warpedpoetic