(a haiku)
clouds swallowed
those mountains
After checking out the cloud-themed contest by @tobetada (https://steemit.com/lovetheclouds/@tobetada/welcome-to-the-love-the-clouds-contest-9) I was inspired to have a browse through my haiku for cloud related works and was pretty surprised to discover I have written basically zero (Surprising because I write and publish a LOT of haiku. Lots of mentions of wind in there, some stars and sea but nothing in clouds!)
So this piece is an adaptation of a haiku I'd previously written where 'clouds' was 'night' before - but I actually prefer this version :). I always felt something wasn't quite right with 'night' and 'swallowed' as the second line. 'Clouds' here introduces a nice prolonged -ol sound reinforced in swallowed that really conjures an image of engulfing cloud cover. Sometimes a haiku takes a few months (or years) to bring to life but it's always satisfying when something slips into place like that!
The image is my own, one of the last sunsets over m previous field sites. Appropriately dark for the subject matter, I think :)
wooooow these colours are beautiful, the views is amaziiiing. It make me feel.. I don't know, I feel something in my chest watching this
Thanks, glad you liked it :)
hey fox. I love the photo and the poetry - not trying to be a dick but what are you using to count your syllables ? Pretty sure thats 3,3,3. ITs cool all the same - For future reference - Give ww.haikusyllablecounter.com a try I use it when i need to double check. but computers can be wrong.
No worries - I'm very much not in favour of the old 5-7-5 model for haiku in English. Most modern haiku publications steer clear of this as well, as haiku is moving far beyond the forced sound of 5-7-5. A trend towards more concise syllable counts around 11-12 is more the norm nowadays :)