Disclaimer: Kids, do not try this at home!

I have known too many people whose tales always began with, "So we were all totally wasted this one time, and..."

I have only one story that could feasibly include that line, but that is not actually where the story begins. This is back when Halo 3 and Halo ODST were the newest titles in the series, and considered the ultimate games on the Xbox 360. If memory serves, this may have been during the beta period for Halo: Reach multiplayer that was open to ODST owners in May of 2010.

My roommate at the time and I both worked late shifts at frustrating jobs, so after getting home from our respective unpleasant jobs we would often play video games late into the night to blow off steam. I have never been a heavy drinker, but on occasion we would indulge.

On this particular occasion, my roommate brought home several cans of a noxious brew called Four Loko, which at that time was a strongly alcoholic malt beverage that also included a hefty dose of caffeine and other energy drink ingredients. This recipe was eventually banned because some people did some stupid things under its influence, and apparently the self-righteous regulators decided they needed to ban stuff in response. It's a shame no one can mix vodka and Red Bull or anything, right? Ranting aside, the beverage was awful, but it was the end of a stressful week, and every week at that job was stressful. That's my excuse.

Image credit and relevant article from the era

We were playing online and the server seemed a bit laggy, but then came the magical moment when it felt like the alcohol-induced mental lag synced perfectly with the server lag, and the caffeine kept us alert despite the numbing effect of the alcohol. We started stomping everyone on every map. It was hilarious, and also cathartic. It was late at night and in the Pacific time zone, so we weren't beating up on kids after school. These were also some gamers who had been stomping us earlier in the night. Since we were either playing Halo 3 or the Halo: Reach multiplayer beta, we had a fair idea of how good our opponents were based on the cosmetic modifications to their characters, too.

At any rate, we played through several matches, usually finishing first and second on our team, and we were far ahead of our teammates and the opponents alike by a significant margin. So now you know the REAL reason caffeinated malt liquor was banned: It wasn't because caffeine and alcohol resulted in a dangerous and potentially toxic blend of chemicals that tasted like bad juice, it was because it was a performance-enhancing drug for late-night gamers.

Seriously, though, that stuff was nasty. If I were writing my amateurish beer reviews then, it would NOT get my recommendation. Just say no to malt liquor, no matter what. But if you still play Halo: Reach, send me a PM on steemit.chat and I'll send you my gamer tag. I am out of practice and have no caffeinated booze, so expect nothing special.

---

This post was written for Gaming Experience Contest #1. Go check it out!

---

If you like this post, please comment, follow, and resteem!