RE: Parent of a Gamer--What's Really Going On In There?
Wow, @everlove, your trust in your son and ability to let go of your own fears as a parent is super awe-inspiring. Amazing.
You know what's funny? My adolescent video game habit actually turned into a chess habit. And I was highly competitive in both, one of which my mom approved, and the other she didn't. HAH!
I'm not a parent, so I really can't imagine what it would be like to have been in your position, but as a child I too had an intense video game addiction, which ate up the waking timeclock majority percentage of a few of my precious tweenage years. 15 years later, I occasionally have dreams where I'm inside a video game or playing on the net which are invariably suuuper fun in the dream, then kind of depressing when I wake up and reflect.
Whatever feelings I have about it, I wouldn't be the me I am today without having had that very formative experience, and I have no idea what else I could have been, so why worry about it, right? Or is that kind of thinking a convenient rationalization? I dunno, but I do have the feeling that I was lucky to escape my own addiction.
You know, in my case my mom did try to stop me from playing computer games, and all that fighting really hurt our relationship. I was so strong-willed there was just no way any of her persuasion would have gotten through to me. Our relationship only recovered years after she stopped trying to keep me away from that and other behaviors she worried were dangerous or destructive for me. I never could have imagined then that she and I would be where we are now.
Anyway, it sounds like you have a great relationship with your son, he's lucky to have such a supportive mother.
Wow @jaredwood!!! That was an amazing comment!! I'm so grateful to engage you in this conversation as I feel it is a really important topic that we could benefit to look at and talk about.
I feel that trusting my children was in some ways a lot easier than trusting myself. It has been my life's work to face my fears and remember how to stand up for what I believe in. I have been trusting my children since they were small, and in paying attention, I learned to let go of a lot of things.
I'm not surprised about your mom's feelings about chess and video games. It's fun that you experienced both!!! And got to witness your mom seek to find her balance. It is very difficult to go in the complete opposite direction from what you have seen and been told all your life.
Quinn has said that he had never found anything that could challenge him so much, and that life was really nothing next to the intensity and complexity of the game. I can imagine why you might feel the way you do about the dream!
It appears to me that most gamers, who are REALLY gamers, are incredibly passionate about playing. How beautiful it is to feel such passion, as most people never really even know what they like.
If you feel you wasted your precious tweenage years, then you likely did --atleast from one perspective. But I think doing exactly what one wants to do is an incredible way to live a life. When embracing all of the intricacies learned in the journey, I'm certain they are priceless!! The mind can always find the way to rationalize. Maybe the questions is, why do we need to rationalize or make excuses for doing what we really want to do?
I believe many a parent/child relationship has been greatly stressed by the use of video games and other behaviors parents are afraid of. There are very few examples that show us what a free child, engaging fully in their passion can gain from such intensity. We must ask ourselves -- who am I to keep my beloved from experiencing the fullness of something he is obviously passionate about and inspired by. I personally would hate to be limited by someone else who thinks I draw too much, or dance too much, or volunteer too much.
Looking within to address my own fears is what ultimately became my strength. Being aware of the possibilities I learned to honor my children as human beings on their own divine path. Gratefully it has paid off in our long-term relationship as well. I'm glad your mom found her groove with you. May your shine prove to confirm her true knowing of your ability to design a life worth truly living.