RAFFLING OFF *LIKE NEW* NINTENDA SWISH (DETAILS INSIDE)

Last night I caught my son jerkin off he got cume all over his bedsheets, I will be raffling off his swish here at 10PM EST.

This past Christmas, my son requested that Santa bring him the Nintendo Switch Hardware with Splatoon 2 + Neon Green/Neon Pink Joy-Cons Home Video Game via Amazon.com. He noted on his Christmas list that it must run a firmware version no higher than 3.0.0. Since he was not interested in the bundled squid game, Santa brought him Super Mario Odyssey as well.

As it turns out, my son was interested in the limited squidbillies bundle because it lets the gamer access internet explorer on the gamepad.

I discovered him in his bed viewing the following image of Waluigi (image courtesy of paheal.net):

While I know this wasn’t the intended purpose of the gift, I can’t help but feel guilty. I feel that my son may have been influenced by the other game I bought him, Super Mario Odyssey. You can see a picture of Waluigi’s cameo in the game, pictured below:

This punishment may sound severe, but so was the incident. That purple-suited jumping man sparked a prepubescent urge in my son that I hope to never witness again. When we fix this problem, he will get another Switch.

EDIT: Why in the world would anyone reading this assume that this is the only thing I'm going to do? I'm going to give away his Switch and bingo, problem solved? Of course not. Of course we're going to use a variety of strategies to fix the problem. And yes, there is a logical connection between the specifics of the incident and him losing a gaming device.

EDIT 2: If I simply take away my son’s swish, it will set the expectation that it’s 100% being given back. If my son does not stop jerking off, I’m going to be out 300 bucks (107.52 STEEM).