On Resignations and Moving Forward (Even When You Haven't Quite Yet)
It’s been a while since I last posted something I have written, so let’s get right down to progression of the last few months. I began my first year long teaching position at the beginning of August, endured the initial hazing that is the first year of teaching, then decided to place my resignation for said teaching job. I know, I know, I am supposed to “stick it out,” listen and believe everyone when they say “it gets better,” or better yet “think of the students that you are abandoning.” Don’t worry, I have heard and weighed all of those well meant suggestions and still concluded that this is the best option for everyone: myself and my family, the school I work with, and yes, of course, the students.
Why anyone thinks this is an easy decision or something I do purely out of selfishness is beyond my comprehension. The fact of the matter is that I am unhappy in my position for a laundry list of reasons, and my students deserve a teacher that can supply them with the encouragement and desire to lead them forward. I recognize that, currently, that teacher is not me and will not be me regardless of how long I stick it out or wait for it to get better. Now, please understand dear readers, this does not mean I hate teaching or hold resentment for education or those people that were and currently are strong enough to endure their first year. It’s quite the opposite and I wish there would have been any number of different scenarios this year that would have allowed me to pursue my career in teaching at this time. As it is, I need to step away and give myself some time to recover.
Unfortunately and fortunately at the same time, leaving teaching is not so easy as to put in notice and leave after two weeks. I placed my resignation over three weeks ago and I am still waiting to hear when my final day will be. Because of this, I feel like I am going through more of a breakup or divorce than a career change. I have filed plenty of paperwork, had several people tell me to reconsider, think of the children, and I have been fighting with my own feelings of failure and inadequacy. Throughout it all, I go to work every day and pretend everything is fine and put my best foot forward because the students deserve at least that and I know the door is open for the future.
I have reconciled with my decision multiple times over. Every now and then something good happens and I think maybe I should rescind my resignation. Each good moment serves to remind me that I am not leaving teaching because I don’t love it, I am leaving teaching because I don’t love myself while I am teaching. Sometimes what you love is the same thing that is holding you back. I decidedly left out that laundry list of issues mentioned earlier, mostly because I know if the situation was different in almost any way I would probably muscle forward and at least be able to see it through to the end of the year. All the same, I know the story ends the same; I walk away from teaching for a time to re-evaluate my career path. Wherever I end up beyond this point is a mystery, but I know I am happier there. So here’s to the future, taking risks, and recognizing our limits.
Disclaimer: I hope this story isn’t too much of a downer for anyone; I really am glad I was given this opportunity and feel like I have grown from this experience. I hope for mine and my students’ sake my last day comes soon, though. I am not a great actor and they need someone that really is passionate for this position as their teacher.
I've been teaching for 11 years. And I completely understand this. Teaching is insanely challenging, and more stuff is added every year.
What are you going to do now?
That's the million dollar question isn't it now? Congratulations on 11 years of changing lives! Right now I have an offer to return to a management position in the hotel industry which I am considering. I know I want to still want to work with kids in some aspect, though, so I just need to determine if I will be more effective in a volunteer role or look for a position in education outside of teaching.
@tltran You know that I love ya, and I have to say that I disagree strongly with your use of the tag failure.
What you did was not fail. You tried and put your heart and guts into it and if you don't love yourself when you're doing that (whatever it may be), then you need to do something else.
I completely and totally understand that. I loved teaching kids, and although my reasons for leaving the profession were slightly different, they were also quite similar. I was out of touch with myself, and therefore I wasn't happy. I felt that as long as I was doing what I was doing then that I had lost an element of me, even though talking to high schoolers about literature made me so happy.
Everyone has to weigh those decisions out on their own scales. You've definitely had an adventure, and your adventures are far from over. I know you've impacted the lives of kiddos and I do not doubt that you will continue to do so. All my love.
Even when you disagree with me you are so damn uplifting. I agree and feel that I am starting to come to terms with the whole thing not being a failure, but more of a self-discovery. Still stings a lot like failure, though. Maybe it was my failure to recognize the challenges of the position or inability to have faith in my abilities so I jumped at the first offer I was given. Either way, leaving is allowing me an opportunity for growth and reflection that I am very much looking forward to.