Turning A Bad Situation Worse - Comedy Open Mic Round #11

I hate having to cancel debit cards and go through the process of getting a new one. Almost as much as I hate going to 7-11 on lottery nights because there is always a huge line. I see all the people in line as I walk up, and they are all watching me out of sheer boredom. I was the only thing moving, including the one person behind the register waiting on the lottery machine to quit spitting up losing tickets.

(Source)

Walking up to the two doors, I push the handle on the right as I move forward and it barely budges. Just enough to make an ear shattering noise as my gigantic frame and momentum tested the steel in the locks. The windows rattled like I was a category 5 hurricane. Everyone inside was laughing and looking at me like adults look at 2 year olds putting together puzzles. They look at me like I’m an idiot. It pisses me off, because they just did the same thing too, I bet. Maybe I shouldn't bet, I mean I had a 50/50 chance to get the right door and I picked wrong. Guess I’m not playing lottery today. 

So I go inside and... get in line to buy a pack of cigarettes and a lottery ticket. After moving two spaces and four away from the counter, I watched a train wreck I couldn't do anything about. I didn't want to lose my spot in line. I just watch... bam… Some idiot pulled on the wrong door coming in the store. Me and the rest of the huge line of people laugh at the poor old woman as she holds on before she falls.    Don't worry, she laughed at the cool guy that walked into the door after he left his music blaring in his car.

I finally get to he clerk who is sweating. I ask him… “How long it would take to make 27 hotdogs?” He just looked at me with a blank stare… I could hear the line behind me go… “Ohhh… jeeze”. I was just messing with him, but nobody got the joke... I say, never mind and just get what I came for. I use my reward card, pay and get my stuff bagged.  Turn to walk out when… bam…  Karma kicked me in the groin… I push the door and walk face first into the locked door. The walls shook so wildly that it tuned off the "OPEN" sign. Even the cashier laughed this time. The old lady was cracking up and I know this will end up on the Internet one day. I was so embarrassed. I just stood there as everyone laughed... 

I didn't know what to do, but I was frozen. I couldn't move. The more they laughed, the more I froze. Then all of a sudden, I turn around and say... "Thank you all for being part of my live prank! Check out my videos at StupidGasStationPranks dot com." I continued to thank my "Mom" and "Camera Man Jim" as I pointed to the old lady and the cool guy. Then immediately turned and walked out the door that opened. 

As soon as I got home, I knew I had to do something. I went to the computer and wanted to purchase the domain... www.StupidGasStationPranks dot com. As I pulled out my wallet I realized, that I left my card back at the 7/11. So, I cancelled the card. The hassle wasn't as bad as having to walk back in that 7/11 again.

I nominate @gank and @profanereviews to join the @comedyopenmic

Here are the rules: Comedy Open Mic Round Rules

Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.